Rambling - trigger

It's strange.
It still hurts.
Being alive I mean.
Not pleasant.
Was happy today.
Night hit.
Mood plummeted.
Bad anxiety.
No attention-span.
Can't be happy.
It hurts.
So much.
Please make it stop.
So tired.
So fed up.
Can't get this.
No regularity.
Bad mood swings.
Want to cry.
Can't.
Need something.
Need release.
Can't.
SI is bad.
Want it.
Need it.
Help me.
Can't do this.
Completely numb.
Need to feel.
Feel sick.
Life hard.
Deep dark pit.
Falling.
Need a drink.
Shouldn't.
Want one though.
Need help.
Can't talk.
No feelings.
Bad thoughts.
Bad memories.
Make them stop.
Please.
Can't do this.
Need to breathe.
So hard.
Muscles shaking.
Bad thoughts winning.
All negative.
Can't tell truth from lie.
So hurt.
Completely alone.
Scared.
Abandoned.
Need help.
Can't ask for it.
I hurt.
Don't like life.
So hard.
Stressed out.
Need break.
Sleep is good.
Just need break.
Make them stop.
Need to cry.
Muscles hurt.
Shaking.
Feel sick.
Make it stop.
Can't breathe.
So hard.
Can't do this.
Need relief.
Hurt.
Pain.
Suffering.
Alone.
Abandoned.
All bad.
So bad.
Stop.
Please.
Can't.
My fault.
All my fault.
So hard.
Can't relax.
Make it stop.
Too many thoughts.
No focus.
No attention.
Breathing hard.
Need sleep.
So hard to reach.
All alone.
Want help.
Need to cry.
Want to.
Can't.
Need release.
SI bad.
Want to though.
Bad thoughts.
Tired.
So tired.
Hurt.
Make it stop.
So sad.
Dark outside.
Hurts.
Scary.
Life is scary.
World is bad.
Scary world.
Life is hard.
Don't want to.
Make it stop.
Stress stress stress.
Need to breathe.
Can't.
Bad thoughts winning.
So tired.

Time for bed I guess.

(ps. Not suicidal ... just not a good night. Or series of nights )

(((((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))))


love,
Fuzzy

Hi Christina,
Hang in there, kiddo. Sometimes when you feel as bad as you do, going to bed is exactly the right thing to do! Sometimes, just letting time pass is the best thing to do.

Do you have a T?
Best,
Okie

(((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))) ... hon
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling all those intense things. I really am. Is there anything that i can do? Because you know that i'm here.
While it was probably very painful to acknowledge all those feelings, i'm really glad you did. Sometimes even just writing things down helps a little bit in expressing yourself. Keep doing that ... expressing how you are feeling (in a healthy way of course). Don't keep it bottled in ... we all know where that can lead to.
Fight the urges and look into yourself and see all the good qualities that are there.
Don't know if you're a huge fan (or nerd for that matter)like me, but whenever i'm sad a little bit of the Sound Of Music always manages to cheer me up.
Please try and stay safe ...

(((((((((canders)))))))

My heart goes out to you. I understand every word, every line, every thoughts, every feeling, and everything between. Hold my hand canders and together we can walk with each other through this horrible darkness. I know right where you are dear. You are not alone. But I will not leave you there by yourself. I am right there and holding you up with all the strength I can find when you fall. Keep reaching canders for if you reach someone will always reach back. I will reach for however long it takes. I really care and I love you.

purplesecrets

(((((((((((canders))))))))))

you words went right to my heart. I felt every single one of them. I hope you are able to get some peaceful rest.

Dee

(((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))) - thanks friend
((((((((((((Okie)))))))))))))))) - yes I do have a T.
(((((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))))) - I dislike doing a post like this, seems disjointed but people sometimes wonder what goes on in my head - just spills out like that sometimes.
((((((purplesecrets))))))))))) - thanks for reaching out.
(((((((((((((((Dee))))))))))))))) - thanks.

so hard to focus. need sleep. can't afford it. slept a bit. still hard to be here. oh well. *shrugs* I feel like crud. my fault. never mind. i'm sorry.

back to bed for another hour. might as well. life seems so hard. I hope the pain I feel right now is worth it. I dunno. hopefully feel better soon. not likely. just hope.

goodnight all.

to all.

(((((((((canders))))))))))))

(((((((((((wickedwings))))))))))))))

thanks

((((((canders)))))))

I've been thinking about you and what you've been thru a lot, know that I care, k?

okay ((((((((meander))))))))))

thanks.

I like your rambling.
I'm really sorry that you feel like that.
I feel like that too and it helps to see someone else express it.

Hey (((((((((debbie_taylor))))))))))))))

thanks. I sometimes like being able to write like that. Closest I can get to an actual poem - albeit a depressing one.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Canders)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

((((((((((((((((((BB))))))))))))))))))))))))

thanks for the hugs

I think it officially deserves to be called a poem! All that stuff is beyond me. Hugs back.

lol. thank you... I think.

I just try to write whats on my mind. Unfortunately it's always fragmented like that.

"All that stuff is beyond me" sounds really rude - I meant I can't write poetry. I do like what you wrote.

Didn't sound rude to me! I can't write poetry either. Most of what I write is just about my moods and what's on my mind. Thanks