[lions123]

I have a long history of anxiety and depression. Somehow I always end up going off of my medication thinking I'm cured. Well I'm on one of the downswings again. I am a new mom to a now 10 month old. My job closed down two months ago and I have been able to be a stay at home mom. The problem is now that I am out of normal routines. I have gotten so isolated and depressed. I just got hired for a part time job. Right after I found out my babysitter is not available anymore. I am looking at strangers to watch my son. I keep thinking worst case scenario and guilt. I feel so divided because I know I need this but I'm afraid to leave him. I just always let these thoughts take over my happiness. My husband is over it. He's sick of me shutting down when I am in my state of freak out. Why can't I just assume things will work out? Why do I have to assume I'm doomed? Why do I fixate on things to such an unhealthy level? I just want to get better.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lions123: I'm sorry you are struggling with these difficult decisions. There are no easy answers here. So although I don't have any useful suggestions or advice for you, I would simply like to validate what you are feeling. From my perspective, I think you have every right to feel the way you do about the choices you are facing.

Quite a few years ago now I participated in a partial hospital program. One thing they told us was: "Don't should on yourself." It was good advice. I send hugs with the hope that you will be able to find your way through this most difficult decision-making process.

[Evaluna]

I feel for you having to deal with childcare issues. It used to worry me so much who would take care of my daughter and I always assumed I'd get a phone call every day saying something bad had happened.

My reasoning for thinking the worst is that at least when it does happen I'm prepared, and if not then it's a bonus. Not the best way to approach things I know but it's how I do it.

I hope you can get things sorted out soon x

[Fuzzybear]

[Leyla]

hi there
i feel for you too, i remember those daycare days... had issues with one provider and that sent my anxiety through the roof trying to find another reliable and trustworthy provider. it all worked out in the end, and it will for you. just do your research carefully, get references and have them meet with you and your baby so you can get a feel for how they are with the baby.

as for fearing the worse, i still get that like that alot of times, but i have to keep reminding myself...ONE DAY AT A TIME.. i can not predict the future.

take care