[Toxic Rose]

Hello,
I'm new here. I'm really scared and incredibly ashamed. I feel very alone because my partner is severely depressed. I do not know how to help him. I feel so overwhelmed by his emotions and I know I'm not helping him. I'm toxic. I hurt rather than help. I don't mean the things I say but I say them out of anger and hurt and desperation. I feel as though I should leave him for his own safety and well being but I'm scared that if I do that, he won't make it. I don't know what to do. He's not okay. I want to be there for him but I don't know where to begin. I feel like such a cold-hearted woman because I can't show him how I feel. I'm trying to protect myself from the hurt but he doesn't understand that.
Honestly, I think I'm far too close to the situation to understand how severe it really is for him. All I see is this man that I love and depend on falling apart and letting me down and I don't know what he needs from me. I want to be there for him, I just...don't know how.
Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

[Rohag]

Welcome, Toxic Rose. Here's one of many articles addressing what you face: 9 Best Ways to Support Someone with Depression
By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.

Among the most frustrating and frightening aspects of depression is that it is usually beyond the direct control of those suffering with it and of those witnessing it.

Please make yourself at home, and do remember to take care of yourself.

[Fuzzybear]

[qwerty68]

To add to what Rohag said, depression radiates out and affects everyone in close proximity. Is he in therapy? Perhaps you can join him in a session or two or see one by yourself? Getting a handle on yourself is probably the best first step for everyone involved.

[Toxic Rose]

Thank you, Rohag. I appreciate your kind words. I read the article. I'm trying so hard to be that person for my partner but it's been 16 years of ups and downs and I'm so exhausted I don't know that I have more fight in me. I'm scared because, while I care, I find myself avoiding him and our marriage more and more. I imagine myself alone more often. Mostly because I am toxic and abusive when I'm angry and that seems to be my predominant emotion these days. The last thing a depressed person needs is a venom dripping wife coming at him with words armed as though they were swords... But here I am. And I'm trying so hard to change it. I don't want to lose him. I just wish I knew how better to help him...if there were some magic words I could use...or that ONE hug that makes everything better. I feel very lost and very unhappy and sadly trapped by all of this. I feel as though I really am alone in this and I'm the only person who has ever felt this way. And that scares me.

[Toxic Rose]

Thank you, Qwerty. I agree. I'm toxic. I have severe PTSD and I don't always react to stress very well. My partner is very understanding for the most part but right now he needs me in a way I don't know I can deliver on. I am getting help for myself and my anger and to learn to control my emotions. As for him, he is not in therapy but probably needs to be. I've recommended it but the decision is his to make. I encourage him as best as I can. He seems to want me to make this better for him and the pressure is...insurmountable. I love him. I want desperately to make this work. But I also want to save his life. He's a good man and this world needs him in it. Thanks for the support.