This feels bad

I've been on anxiety and depression medication on and off most of my life. It's been a year and a half since I stopped taking them this time. Generally I do good. I have been exercising, as well as being somewhat social. However, i've always lacked motivation to persue bigger things. I am an aspiring writer. I generally don't have the motivation/ discipline to continue with that. I become a reader on and off, and it is not due to lack of time. I work only part time, so I do have the time to read and write. I was working on a Masters, but i had to let that go because i was constantly anxious and depressed, specially after a bad experience. I let people down and i let myself down by quitting the program. Then I got a part time job, and that had been going generally well until now after a bad experience. I don't want to elaborate on it because it hurts. I feel embarrassed. I want to cry. My anxiety and depression in incresing. And I know how this works already. I might have another setback. I don't want that to happen. A setback caused me to quit grad school. I hope I won't have to lose my part time job. It would set me back a long way. I will admit that I can be doing a better job in my work. It seems that I have not been as productive as I would want to. Maybe I lack intelligence or motivation. I truly have not done anything in life. Or I could be just a lazy, dumb, f@ck up. I can never seem to get it together. I'm 28, and it seems that I haven't grown up. I get overwhelmed and then I lose control. Then I wanto stop everything. That is when I quit stuff. I feel as a failure, an embarrassment. I fear that I might not be able to hold a job, or anything of that sort. I read an article that says i need to man up. It is very hard to do. I am afraid. I can get really bad. Sorry I wrote this much and sorry for returning to the forum when i'm getting bad only. I should have been here supporting members when i'm ok. I might not dserve your responses. Thank you.

Hi simplylife,

You should never apologize for what you want to say or how you are feeling. Your feelings deserve to be acknowledged!! I know it may seem like "you're not amount to anything", but you went to grad school, that is something amazing you have accomplished. And sometimes, life gets in our way to prevent us to see something worthwhile, life will continue to beat us until we are nothing, but all I can say is that you have it in you!!. I know it's very difficult to go through this, and I can't imagine what that must be like to live with anxiety and depression to interfere with my life. All I know is that it all sounds very heartbreaking, but I should also remind you that setbacks make us the better us. I can offer you words of encouragement because even though I do not know you, I know you have so much potential just by what you described to me. But it's okay to fail, it's okay to allow ourselves the time to heal, but most importantly it's important to not give up. You're still 28, that's still so young, you have so much to contribute to. Sometimes, just doing little things (going outside/walking to a park) can contribute to something big!!! Hang in there buddy, and I hope I helped you, if not feel free to contact me whenever you like!! <3

Pinky,

Thank you for your words. It's really hard to keep the positive in and the negative out. I'll keep trying. It's really hard specially dealing this on my own.

Yeah, it does sound very hard given what you have mentioned . But you don't have to go through this on your own, you have this forum as well as reaching out to somebody in your life, whether it be a neighbor or a family member.

Sending you lots of love!! <3

Thank you. I hope you are well. I truly appreacite that you responded to my post. It makes it a little better for me. Lots of hugs.

Don't mention it! you are always welcomed here, you belong and you matter, so I should be thanking you for having the courage to speak out like so many who do on here! Stay strong friend!! <3