[ab1018]

I have never been this depressed, ever. My doctor changed me on Monday from Cymbalta to Prozac. The Friday before, I was having suicidal thoughts almost constantly.

Today, I didn't go to work. I'm at a new job, and I was honest (to a degree) about it - I sent an email explaining that I had lost both of my parents last year, two good friends to death, and had a melanoma with a surgery and chemo. And that I had treated it during that time, but I was afraid I was backsliding and I needed a mental health day. No mention of suicidal thoughts or anything like that. One of the partners (the other was slightly nasty when I talked to him - whatever - I'd rather be honest) called and told me they were behind me 100%. (I just started there in June, and missed 2 days with a brutal sinus infection already). The nasty partner knew some of this from the job interview, so it's not a big shock. Luckily, I've done a good job for them, it just doesn't pay enough or have very good insurance. (I quit my last job during the whole debacle called my life mentioned above)

I don't belong to a church and never have, but called about ten of them today. Either the pastor had just resigned (3 of them), was on vacation (3 more), or all I got was voice mail.

Should I called a suicide hotline? I know I'm not supposed to talk about it here, but I'm not sure. I mean, I have those feelings some, but mostly I just cannot stop crying.

[ab1018]

And, if I do call them, will they send the police or ambulance to my house?

[Merlin]

The only reason they would call the police/ambulance is if you were an immediate danger to yourself. If you had expressed the intent to kill yourself in the next day or two. It's actually very difficult to have a person commited.

[Etheria]

Hi ab1018, Glad you came here. Keep coming and "talk" it out. I understand how devastating loss can be. I had the worst melt down of my life when I lost my brother then mother within 7 1/2 months to cancer back in '96/'97. It really takes time to heal.

I'm really glad that one of the partners is being supportive. You take care of you and please hang in. Many blessings, Etheria

[ab1018]

I did call that first number on the suicide resources and spoke to a lady for about 3 hours! I don't know exactly what she did, but it has helped tremendously. I would recommend it for anyone who is in crisis, maybe not completely suicidal, but in trouble and cannot get in touch with a therapist.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it.

ab1018,

Just keep putting ur thoughts out here, take it from me it surly helps. I also like ur honesty thats the way it has to be to get thru this,

[finestitcher]

ab, I would think that calling your local Hot Line, which is not just for suicide prevention, may not be a bad idea.

I worked a hot line many years ago in central Florida. We took calls for all kinds of reasons...seeking referral information, just needed to talk to someone, possible suicide, you name it.

Unless someone was actually suicidal, we did not call for any services. We did keep a card file of individuals so that when someone called again, if they called again, we would have a little history on them. We did have some callers who would call daily. So, don't be surprised if they ask you name, you can decline...completely up to you the caller.

((((((((Ab)))))))) Are you okay? Did you call the hotline. Please take care. I hope that you're okay. Please don't do anything rash. We're here for you-talk to us if you can't talk to anyone else. Okay?

Oh, I didn't see your last post. Whew! I"m glad that you're feeling better. More hugs (((((((((Ab))))))))))

[ally88]

I understand how you feel. I really hope you find some relief soon. (((((((((ab1018)))))))))