Feel like I'm sinking fast

I've had so many losses and stress since the beginning of the year that I am questioning whether I want to go on with my life. My beloved dog died suddenly about 10 days ago at home. He was my baby, my constant companion and my emotional support for the past 11 years. He helped me through the entire time I cared for my dad until his death last year. I don't think I would have made it if not for him. He was there while I grieved for my father and now I am grieving for him. My dad will be gone one year the end of this month.

I am also in the process of having to find another place to live. Rents are so expensive here and even roommate shares are high and I am on SSDI. I won't be homeless because I always have my sister to fall back on, it's just that I am so sick of all of the stress. I have been looking for 2 months now. I am also having problems with my disability and I may need to get legal representation. Point is, I am just tired of struggling.

I took care of my dad who had dementia for 3 years and it was a very draining exhausting experience for me. This was while I was dealing with painful migraine headaches. I was hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts. I just wish I could have a small repreive where I am not dealing with constant stress and unhappiness. If not for my sister I would have no reason to be alive.

I'm just so d*** tired of struggling. Can't I have one week when I don't have to deal with depression or pain or migraines or money that I owe someone? I don't see a future for myself, all I see is pain. I am trying to hold on, I have tried so hard. When my dad was alive I used to say that I needed to stay alive for him. Then after he passed away. I said I have to stay alive for the pup. Now I have to stay alive for my sister. But I never stay alive for my own sake.

Maybe I should move this to another forum. Seems like there are too many people who need help on this forum to get any attention.

Don't say that... I'm sorry I haven't seen this post before and I'm really sorry you're struggling so hard, as well. Please, keep sharing - people will listen, be sure of that.

Last year I had a conversation with two friends about my suicidal thoughts. Though I'm not currently actively suicidal it feels like I am always convincing myself to stay alive with new excuses. First it was graduating high school. Now it's getting a job. Never for my sake like you said about yourself. One day I wonder if I'll run out of reasons. Maybe then I'll be forced to realize my own worth

Hello MissCath, I certainly identify with your losses. So sorry about the loss of your father and your dog. My dog is the only emotional support I have at home (live alone). When I think about losing him it really depresses me. I hope I can survive it. For twelve years he's been my constant companion. Glad you have your sister for support if needed. I'm trying to learn to be here for myself as well. Hope things take a turn for the better for you. Hang in there.

Thank you. I'm holding on by my fingernails right now. I did an online crisis chat yesterday which helped some. I don't like calling crisis phone lines. I know it's hard for people to reply online, lot of people need support and posts get buried.

I have a tdoc and a grief counselor. The grief counselor has been a little help but right now I feel overwhelmed with grief and everything else. It seems that the only people that get the grief thing are people currently going through it.

Plus you know, it's just different kinds of grief.

Especially if it's a pet. He was my baby, NOT just a pet. The only people that seem to get it are on the pet grief support group I'm on.

The people who get the depression thing they get the horrible feelings of not wanting to go on, but not necessarily the grief part.

it's not easy to find people who are going through both at the same time.

Thank you all for responding.

You're welcome. If you want to talk more feel free to PM. Stay strong. You'll be in my thoughts

I live with a roommate but it's like living alone. My boy was my whole world, was my main support and it's heartbreaking to not have that anymore. The nights are so long and lonely. It's times like these that I wish I had my own family to live with, even had another pet to keep me company. I would still feel a terrible void, but I don't think the loneliness would be as unbearable.