I dont matter

My depression has worsened despite medication increases and weekly therapy. T says Many changes in my life and past memories are making me feel this way. After last session I left abruptly due to a panic attack. I called to apologize a few days later, he was very understanding. He asked if he could call and check on me, I said yes I would like that. I got a call from him and he says he had a memo for him to call me and he couldn't remember why. Well, this is why I hate to rely on anyone I felt like an idiot as I said "You wanted to check on me". I lied and said I was fine, he seemed hurried and not interested.

never blame yourself for another's mistake ... he got busy ... he forgot ... whatever .... it is , was , will never be .... your fault when others let you down .... try not to use negative words such as "idiot" to belittle yourself ... there are plenty of people willing to do that for us ... no need for us to do it to ourselves ... you are an individual ... there is only one just like you ... be that good or bad ... do you have an idea why your depression might be getting worst ... or you getting tired ... is it maybe just the lack of any apparent change ... to me lack of a change seems like it is getting worst ... I guess my brain keeps wanting things to be better and better ... maybe it's time for something different ... maybe a different med not just more ... is it hard to reach your pdoc ... have you gotten into a rut ... maybe a different activity level ... just make your day different ... try something new ... and keep posting here ... I am sure better ideas than mine will come along ... Tigger.

First thing's first...you definitely matter. Maybe he was just having an off day. I think we all have those every once in a while. Don't take that to mean you're not important. Sorry to hear the depression has worsened, but you should feel proud of yourself for putting in constant effort to improve your situation. Takes strength...believe me, I know. Keep writing here if that helps. There are people here who care and can relate to what you are going through. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Hi,
I am sorry for you and for all of us that feel that way. Now thinking of that I am the priority of no one makes me cry. Maybe I am wrong, but I think you matter, no matter what. But this is a professional relationship for him. It is disappointing, I have been there, as well. They care about us, but they care to a certain extent. For a professional, this is a way to keep it healthy. So he is allowed forgetting the reason of the memo.
But we crave for real relationships with caring people that are able to show reciprocity. This is something that is difficult for me to find.
I am sending you a big hug

I know it is a professional relationship. It did remind me that I am no ones priority. I have put others first my whole life in order to matter.thank u for the support!

You matter, baseline.. I'm sorry for what you've been through

I was taught to be the same way, it is hard

You should be your first priority. I wish I could take my own advice.

I'm so sorry for your troubles. I think your T should have pulled your chart b4 giving you a call. That is just common sense! The ball was definitely dropped, but not by you.

There is a light shining inside you that you may not see. You are just as worthy as anyone else.