Going nowhere

I've been trying to figure out in which forum I should post this. There are so many elements to it: ADHD, depression, marriage struggles. In the end, I chose depression because that's the overriding feeling I'm experiencing.

I'm married with one child. I live in the South, in the Bible belt, in the city where I grew up. I met my wife in a big city out west where I lived for many years before moving back to this side of the country. I've been in the same profession for 20 years now. It's one where the workday doesn't necessarily end when I go home. There are nights and weekends where I work occasionally and sometimes, albeit rarely, into the wee hours of the morning. My wife is very unhappy here where we moved several years ago. She's Asian, and as you can imagine there is not much diversity in the small city where we now live.

We've been struggling in our marriage pretty much since we moved here. The first year was okay, but the last four have been difficult, causing me to spiral back down into depression where I'm no stranger. She wants to move back out West because she thinks that'll make her happy. Moving is extremely stressful to me, I feel very depressed and I'm tired of my career. I'm the breadwinner for the family. She brings home a few bucks, but with my well-paying career it's not even a drop in the bucket of our total income.

I hate being the breadwinner. I hate moving. It stresses me out. I hate looking for jobs across the country, especially when I don't even like my job now. I'm sick of this field, but what can I do as the primary breadwinner and husband of a wife who wants to move across the country? I'm basically stuck unless I want to end my marriage.

There you have it in a nutshell. I've left out a whole lot of details due to time and space limitations, but at least I'm talking now instead of keeping it all inside. Thanks for reading.

I think you posted in the right place and I hope you keep posting...

I understand hating where you live. I do. So I understand your wife.

I have learned that life is all about prioritizing....or at least choosing the least worse...

Do you hate your job more than you would hate looking for a new one? Does your wife hate living where she is more than you hate moving? Does the possibility of being less depressed with a change in your life, beat out depression with no change?

I agree that depression makes us think we're stuck. It's how it is. Perhaps a therapist would help you to take a step in a direction that will help you take another step?

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I agree with the previous poster that a good therapist might be able to sort things out if you can find time to go. I understand 60 hour work weeks where it also flows into your personal life.

I noticed you live in Tennessee and have 1 child also so we have a few things in common. I would hate the whole process of moving as well. You're in a tough spot. Best wishes in getting it sorted out.