[unfelt]

Hello, this is the first time I use a social website/forum, but I thought maybe I should complain, and tell my story to random strangers who I will never meet in the real world, since I have no one in my life who I can talk to. I am from a country that you probably don't know about, but that's not the point. I have been a very lonely person since ever. I lived with both of my parents, which they were overprotective, so I've never went to a physical school (I was homeschooled) I didn't really get the chance to interact with other people. The only people I knew where my relatives, neighbours, and my parents' friends. My brother was my only friend, but now he's dead. And because I rarely got out, I've became completely dependent as an adult. I had this feeling of entitlement. And I also couldn't go anywhere without my mother. I am 23 now, and I've never had a job. I've realised how lonely I am the other day when I finally got out of house (I haven't got out of my house since 2013, I am not exaggerating) but anyway, when I got out I've seen these people, all happy and friendly... I felt absolutely angry at them. Which made me remember that my parents actually paid these workers when I was a child, they paid them to have their child become my "friend." Seeing people having fun with their friends made me feel anger, envy, and loneliness... I want a friend, how can I get a friend? I always felt empty, numb, and such. I didn't know why I felt this way, I also thought that I never needed friends... But when I saw these people laughing with their friends, it made me realise that my parents actually ruined my life. They ruined me.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry

In many ways the PUs "ruined" my life too.... but I refuse to let those "pathetic" abusers "win"...

I'm sure the Step Unit would have LOVED to perceive me as having "no friends, and never any friends" ...As she projected onto me all the blame all dysfunction...

However, I don't believe "never" is necessarily true..

(I always had some friends... "just" not as many as I "should" have had)

I'm sorry... this is about me

I'm sorry for your pain, please keep posting, many here are good and compassionate

[unfelt]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. You are really friendly. I really appreciate your sympathy

[MickeyCheeky]

If it can help.. people will listen here. I know it's not the same thing, but I hope it will help

[Rohag]

Hello, Unfelt.

As far as you can tell, why did your parents raise you the way they did? (Please feel free to ignore this question.)

Make yourself at home here.

[Clara22]

Hi
Is there something that you like in particular, for example music, or animals, or sports? I am asking this because sometimes it is easier to approach people through hobbies

[unfelt]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Unfelt.

As far as you can tell, why did your parents raise you the way they did? (Please feel free to ignore this question.)

Make yourself at home here.

Honestly, I don't know exactly know why. But I think it has to do with either 1- a previous situation that happened to my older sister 2- because I am "different" as in I am disabled (i have an invisible disability // not physical) But I am not really sure, I am literally the only one of my siblings that they treat like that

[unfelt]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hi
Is there something that you like in particular, for example music, or animals, or sports? I am asking this because sometimes it is easier to approach people through hobbies

I lack personality. I only like what my family wants me to like.

[Clara22]

What do you dislike?

[unfelt]

Originally Posted by Clara22

What do you dislike?

I don't necessarily dislike anything, I am simply neutral or don't care about anything. I just dislike my loneliness and people, but that's not helpful?

[ConnieMarie]

Hi unfelt,

I know exactly how you feel. I was also homeschooled from a young age. I grew up with no friends, nobody wanted wanted to be because of the crazy religious beliefs my parents instillled in me. I also grew up with a lot of needs, my parents had financial problems. And somehow all those these got together to make me live a very sheltered life. I am currently 26. Never had a job, haven't been to college, although I hope I will be able to attend this year. Lately, all these things have tormented me, making me feel very useless as a human being. I just can't fathom how I let myself be 26 years old, locked in an apartment doing nothing.

I know exactly what you mean when you say that you lack personality and only like what your family says you should like. I feel the same way to. Like I haven't been given the space to decide for myself what I like and don't like, specially coming from a religious background
Anyway, you are not alone in this. I understand what you are going through. Maybe we can use this platform and encourage each other, come out of our bubble.

Originally Posted by unfelt

Hello, this is the first time I use a social website/forum, but I thought maybe I should complain, and tell my story to random strangers who I will never meet in the real world, since I have no one in my life who I can talk to. I am from a country that you probably don't know about, but that's not the point. I have been a very lonely person since ever. I lived with both of my parents, which they were overprotective, so I've never went to a physical school (I was homeschooled) I didn't really get the chance to interact with other people. The only people I knew where my relatives, neighbours, and my parents' friends. My brother was my only friend, but now he's dead. And because I rarely got out, I've became completely dependent as an adult. I had this feeling of entitlement. And I also couldn't go anywhere without my mother. I am 23 now, and I've never had a job. I've realised how lonely I am the other day when I finally got out of house (I haven't got out of my house since 2013, I am not exaggerating) but anyway, when I got out I've seen these people, all happy and friendly... I felt absolutely angry at them. Which made me remember that my parents actually paid these workers when I was a child, they paid them to have their child become my "friend." Seeing people having fun with their friends made me feel anger, envy, and loneliness... I want a friend, how can I get a friend? I always felt empty, numb, and such. I didn't know why I felt this way, I also thought that I never needed friends... But when I saw these people laughing with their friends, it made me realise that my parents actually ruined my life. They ruined me.

[Rizzar]

Hello, unfelt. Do you want a better life? If so, you have some hard work to do. Change is not easy. I do not think you are irreparably ruined. Professional help in my view will be a requirement.

Please read:

https://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knott...mmon-patterns/

I wish you well.

[Sunflower123]

You've made a good start by reaching out on this forum. Congratulations! That's a good way to start connecting and building friendships. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. If you need to talk I'm here. Maybe baby steps is realizing that you are an individual and starting to observe some of your particular likes and dislikes, not just what your family does. Do you drive? Are you able to go out on your own? Do you attend a church that has small groups also? Have you considered joining the YMCA or something similar? Have you talked with your parents about this? This could be an exciting time of discovering who you, the individual, are. Don't give up on having friends. It's doable. Best wishes and good luck.