Deeply depressed...why do I keep trying?

I fight my depression hard. I did something today to head me towards recovery and it failed. Why do I keep trying? It's just going to be one step forward and two steps back. I very badly want to give up right now. Can anybody relate? I feel all alone right now.

Jennifer keep going, soon there will be more efficient ways too treat depression already FDA is thinking about possibly approving Ketamine which from what I read works within hours after getting shot right now it's only at these depression centers but they are trying to get drug out , also Suboxone has started to help slot with resistant depression, don't give up I don't know u but I have been there and I care about what happens to you .BTW I'm James

Im right here with you..feel exactly the same. Abandoned by family, non existent for friends ( not that i had many in the first place), all alone.

Thank you very much James for giving me hope and for caring.

You aren't alone , I will talk to you anytime, 😁

Jennifer, I don't know why you feel depressed, as I have not looked at any of your threads on here before. But in general, I too feel like calling it quits.

I just miss how my support (and life) used to be. It was never rosy, and for the past 16 or so years, it's like my head has been in a blender. But I do miss my flat in that supported accommodation, to a degree. It was not the greatest flat in the city. Allegedly, it has dampness. However, I liked seeing the staff next door at night, as you were allowed to hang around in there up to 11 PM, and I try to be social with people whenever I can, even though I've been plagued by this horrible anxiety that I cannot seem to shake off. I've always been a people person like my late gran was, but a lot of people have betrayed me, and to be honest, major depression can take years off your life. It can even make you feel as if you are unable to trust people anymore.

The flat was a place to chill, at least, and having your own flat is great, as you can arrange everything how you want it (unlike the shithole I reside in now).

I've been back with my family since 2014 in a very cluttered environment, due to being betrayed by that autism agency. Not counting the numerous trips to jail for silly things like sending online messages and mailing out letters to these former support workers who got me charged, the last several years have indeed been a nightmare in more ways than one.

I have to bid on 3 properties every week on this Key to Choice website, and with homeless priority, it's still a progressive monotony. You are supposed to get higher up on this mystical priority list after a year or so, provided they granted you 'silver priority' in the first place, or some crap like that. Without this dubious priority in place, you can forget about getting any house from the Edinburgh council if you are not working full-time. It apparently takes up to 100 years at the rate they told me about. And it also doesn't help that landlords are extremely picky about accepting people on benefits as well. Private lets are just way too risky, and sometimes a reasonable price can eventually increase. Many of the leases are not permanent either, so you can find yourself back at the first rung on the ladder, with the boring cycle repeating again.

I was keen to get either paid or voluntary work as an extra in movies as I've loved movies all my life, but with all the slandering that occurred on social media in recent memory, the inconsistency of it all, and the stress, it just seems like the hassle isn't worth it anymore. I'm really so fed up by this stage.

Peter. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope things start looking up for you soon. You are not alone.

Keep fighting.. you are worth it.

Depression has plagued me for as long as I can remember. My first therapy session occurred almost fifty years ago. I have looked at treatment professionals and told them all I want is for someone to touch me and tell me everything is going to be all right. No one has.

I have had my share of pity parties. Even so, I refuse to give up. Despite the events that have happened to me outside of my control, I still must accept my well-being is my responsibility.

Depression is so insidious, intractable and unrelenting. Notwithstanding, if we do not fight for a better life, who will?

My medicine finally kicked in. Thank you for your kindness and support.

Sunny, Jennifer, sometimes i ask myself these same questions, seems to be a daily thing for me. I do understand what all of you are going through. I feel i am disabled but most therapists or professionals tell me im not or its not enough to get disability. When i was a kid i was hyperactive, and had special classes and held back from grades, told i had bipolar or ADHD or severe depression. All my life i have struggled to maintain a job, most i cant keep longer then a month. Once again i am unemployed and things just keep getting harder and i feel i have lost the will to live and wish i wasnt here anymore. Started seeing a therapist who i feel doesnt understand my situation. its so hard to keep going i really dont know what keeps me going. I do hope all of you find a way to persevere and beat this horrible monster. your words and struggles give me some hope and we can hopefully beat our troubles together. Thank you for your posts.

You're right. Maybe together we can persevere. I woke up depressed this morning with SI but determined to fight. I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time. You're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk.

Set goals for yourself. Ditch the dead weight who don't help. The world is a big place, but sometimes when all else has failed, you have to start again. It's certainly not easy, but others have to do the same. People who suggest such things should know that moving forward isn't a simple chore. But if people don't help you, it makes sense to finalize your connection with them, and find people who want to help. It can be how the saying goes, 'looking for a needle in a haystack.'

This can be everyone and anyone. I've decided to part ways with my current support worker. We're not compatible. He hasn't got a clue about anything. So I decided it's time to put a stop to things. Think of it like this: Rather than be stuck with people who don't help, it's better to just end it before you get in too deep. The more you see someone, the more you may think you have to hang in, out of fear of not being able to replace that person.

Unfortunately, social workers are an exception to people you can be rid of, as they may be assigned to you in some mandatory manner, which means your life will never feel like it's yours. You may feel so bad, knowing this.

You keep trying because there's always something to look forward to. I'm in the same boat as you: wanting to give up because life sucks. I like to dream about what I could become. I dream of a good life, becoming a famous author, creating something in the medical field that's needed by thousands; millions of people. Or maybe not even job success. Like maybe I'll have a family or even a spouse like a girlfriend or boyfriend. I just go one day at a time, one hour, or minute. Even though I feel like I suck and hate myself and think there is no hope to me, but deep down somewhere inside, I know things will. Hope you feel better.