[pinkvilla]

I feel so much regret over taking a couple of years off from work. The break was necessary as I fell into depression with my pregnancy and could not function well.Then postpartum depression happened which was all undiagnosed since I am so used to not feeling my feelings.

I had no motivation and so I thought I'll stay home and raise my child. Then the second baby happened and all hell broke loose.I still kept up appearences and finally figured out something was wrong with me.I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and I'm just coming out of it.

Now the question is how to show some compassion to myself about the job situation. I am so afraid to even begin looking. I feel so afraid. I don't feel any emotional support from my partner regarding this since he thinks I brought it upon myself.I feel so much shame and sadness.How do I keep up the strength to be brave and keep my mental sanity about the job opportunities I missed because I did not keep up with my career. What do I say to myself just to be compassionate to myself?

[hopealwayz]

What happened was not your fault. You definitely deserve compassion on yourself and you didn't do anything wrong. You can get things back on track. I can relate to your situation so if you ever need someone to listen, feel free to PM me anytime.

I recommend taking small steps. When I started out again, it took a little time but I slowly took small steps and found my employer last March.

That was after a big gap in employment. I just tried to stay focused on the future and had to learn to stop beating myself up about the past.

[Misterpain]

Brought it upon yourself , I guess he missed the fact that women can live full happy complete lives with no pregnancy risk by themselves, only men can be stupid enough to believe that pregnancy occurs in a vacuum , having regret is in our nature ,but you have no reason to ferl shame, deppresion straight is a medical condition, add preganancy and all the changes your body goes thru to accomodate a child,post partum can really be devasting , you should not be ashamed of anything, you survived ,and are raising two little ones , you should walk proudly, head held high being a survivor , love yourself as much as you do the kiddos , you have survived things that men wouldn't, and I can say that because I am a man , men leave the heavy lifting to women ,celebrate what you have and will achieve , the odds were stacked against you , you fought and prevailed in a war within your own body , a war of invisable suffering to those around ýou , no shame for you !

[spondiferous]

pinkvilla...so sorry to hear you are going through this. I had to leave my job about six-seven years ago due to my mental health, and that was a year and a half after it started to become a serious problem. I tried so hard to make it work but I was calling in sick on a regular basis, and even though they were really good about letting me make up the hours I was constantly paranoid about being unreliable. The truth was, I just couldn't do it anymore. Ever since I started having problems with my mental health I've felt bad about myself. Self worth was always something of a problem for me, but it was at an all-time low. My plan was to go on disability through my work insurance, since I'd been there a while and paid into it, but I got no support to do that so I applied for disability benefits through my province and country.

It's been six or seven years since then and I am still not used to not having a job. I eventually went back on call, part-time casual, with that job, and even then I was having to miss or reschedule a lot of the shifts I'd sign up for. It was embarrassing. We just moved to a new city about two years ago and early last year I started seriously looking for part-time work and the anxiety was crushing. Bottom line: I simply cannot hold a regular job, it's why I'm on disability, and I don't know if things will ever be any different. I had a total breakdown and lost all my ability to relate to the everyday world and life as I knew it, and since I prioritize my sobriety, self-medicating to get through everything, as I did the first time I had a breakdown (about twenty years ago), is not an option.

I would suggest that if you want to find a job but have no support from family, perhaps find yourself an employment agency and/or counsellor. They really can be useful, especially if you left work for health reasons, and double especially since you left for mental health reasons. I have been to a few and I can honestly say it is so helpful to have someone who is trained to understand your unique situation, and a good, qualified counsellor will be able to prioritize your need for safety, balance, and well-being and help you find something that is truly suitable for you. I'm not sure how big of a place you live in but we live in a small city and they have several such agencies here. There is something quite similar in my hometown of only 1200 people. So with luck you will be able to find something like that. Also, even though I can identify with the guilt and shame you talk about, it will probably help to give yourself a bit of room to experiment with the jobseeking process, in terms of allowing yourself to find out what will work and what will not. You may find, as I have, that there are certain things you were always able to handle but no longer can. Experiences with mental health, whether short-term experiences or chronic mental illness, can permanently alter our inner landscapes. I believe it's important to listen to and honour any reaction you have to any part of the jobseeking process.

If you ever need to talk to someone about your journey, feel free to message me. All the best.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by pinkvilla

I feel so much regret over taking a couple of years off from work. The break was necessary as I fell into depression with my pregnancy and could not function well.Then postpartum depression happened which was all undiagnosed since I am so used to not feeling my feelings.

I had no motivation and so I thought I'll stay home and raise my child. Then the second baby happened and all hell broke loose.I still kept up appearences and finally figured out something was wrong with me.I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and I'm just coming out of it.

Now the question is how to show some compassion to myself about the job situation. I am so afraid to even begin looking. I feel so afraid. I don't feel any emotional support from my partner regarding this since he thinks I brought it upon myself.I feel so much shame and sadness.How do I keep up the strength to be brave and keep my mental sanity about the job opportunities I missed because I did not keep up with my career. What do I say to myself just to be compassionate to myself?

tough situation....depression can be awful...but you sound like a person that will make it ok...

[Sunflower123]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hate that regret and shame are what you are feeling because you should be so proud of yourself for fighting back and getting back on your feet. My goodness you had two children and postpartum depression! You are brave and strong. I am or was a CPA with a career I loved and was moving up the ladder but had to leave my career several years ago due to mental health issues so I do understand the regret but you are looking into getting back into the game so let the regret go. Your partner is not helping you by being unsupportive. Is this an issue you can talk with him about? It's really unfortunate. I hope you can tune him out and be compassionate with yourself. You deserve it. You'll get back on track soon enough. You're headed in the right direction. Just wanted to lend my support.

[Fuzzybear]