[whisperingskye]

As some of you are aware I have been suicidal and planning this for quite some time now.

I thought when it came to it I'd feel more relieved about it. But it's not that easy.

I know that it is wrong. I know it will upset people. I know people will think I am selfish.

I just can't get the thoughts out of my head. I don't have the energy to fight it.

I know that I should get help. That's probably why I'm writing this now. At the same time I can't bring myself to tell anyone who could help. I have lied constantly about this for ages.

I don't see that there is any hope for me anymore.

[Sunflower123]

I'm not going to say much because I feel like you've had about enough of me. There is hope and there can be healing. Thinking of and praying for you.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are in so much pain.

Are you alone?
If so, is there someone you can ask to spend time with you?

Do you have a pdoc or a tdoc you can call?

If you need a crisis line, I recommend: 1-800-273-TALK.

What measures can you take now to help yourself?
Are you safe?
Do you need to go to the ER?

Please be safe.

WC

[Skeezyks]

Hello whisperingskye: Well... I feel obligated to encourage you to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. But I also understand what you're saying. I also have no interest in reaching out for help. When it comes right down to it, I don't really believe it's out there. And besides the idea of going through it again just makes me tired.

I make a point of not thinking about the awfulness of my life... (much of it self-inflicted.) If I did really think about it, I'd probably search out the quickest exit I could find. Recently I revitalized my old yoga practice. It's something I've done on-&-off over the years. I put on some nice music & spend an hour-&-a-half or two hours doing yoga. It has quickly become my anchor. I guess it's sort-of like the old saying: "If you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot & hang on." That's what I'm doing. I pray that you can find a way to tie a knot in your rope too.

[Sunflower123]

I've been inside all day because I don't feel so hot but my daughter just told me to come out to the balcony and look left.

There were two bright overlapping rainbows over the ocean. That wasn't a sign for me. It's for you. I took a million pictures in case you want proof. I've been down here every year for 45 years and have never seen one. Can you try to hold off? It's not too late. Thinking of you.

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm not going to say much because I feel like you've had about enough of me. There is hope and there can be healing. Thinking of and praying for you.

I appreciate everything you have done, and the fact you haven't given up on me yet. So no, not had enough, I probably haven't thanked you enough.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are in so much pain.

Are you alone?
If so, is there someone you can ask to spend time with you?

Do you have a pdoc or a tdoc you can call?

If you need a crisis line, I recommend: 1-800-273-TALK.

What measures can you take now to help yourself?
Are you safe?
Do you need to go to the ER?

Please be safe.

WC

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to call. I don't trust anyone anymore. The people that are meant to help never do. If I go to the ER I'll just end up sitting around for hours waiting for a brief chat only to be sent back home again.

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I've been inside all day because I don't feel so hot but my daughter just told me to come out to the balcony and look left.

There were two bright overlapping rainbows over the ocean. That wasn't a sign for me. It's for you. I took a million pictures in case you want proof. I've been down here every year for 45 years and have never seen one. Can you try to hold off? It's not too late. Thinking of you.

It's really hard. I'll be ok tonight, but I can't guarantee I will be tomorrow. I'm trying, really. But it's becoming way too much. Just don't know how to keep holding off.

[Wild Coyote]

It's my understanding that an ER cannot send you home of you are a danger to yourself. They are obligated to find a place for you. Have they sent you home before when you have been suicidal?

Have you ever called that hotline? Who knows, maybe there's an unusually helpful exchange awaiting you?

You are posting here because you want help. Why negate the options suggested?


WC

[MatBell]

Sorry to hear how you are doing. Yesterday was extremely tough for me, and I'm really fighting with the thoughts like you. Like you I feel the people I should help me aren't there. Do you want to talk more about what you are thinking and feeling? I'm here if you want to talk

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's my understanding that an ER cannot send you home of you are a danger to yourself. They are obligated to find a place for you. Have they sent you home before when you have been suicidal?

Have you ever called that hotline? Who knows, maybe there's an unusually helpful exchange awaiting you?

You are posting here because you want help. Why negate the options suggested?


WC

I have been sent home when suicidal before, on more than one occasion. I'm in the UK so maybe that makes a difference..there's normally not any beds.

Sorry for dismissing everything you suggested. You're right I do want help. I'm just scared that I will reach out irl and just get rejected and feel a whole lot worse. Currently trying to work up the courage to call my care coordinator and let her know what's going on...

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by MatBell

Sorry to hear how you are doing. Yesterday was extremely tough for me, and I'm really fighting with the thoughts like you. Like you I feel the people I should help me aren't there. Do you want to talk more about what you are thinking and feeling? I'm here if you want to talk

Sorry you are in a similar spot. It's a really difficult place to be.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( whisperingskye ))))))))

I'm not doing much better myself, I don't trust the uk "dis services"

Even if there were "beds" I wouldn't want one, I hate hate hospitals

I wish you luck and healing.. it's out there

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

((((((( whisperingskye ))))))))

I'm not doing much better myself, I don't trust the uk "dis services"

Even if there were "beds" I wouldn't want one, I hate hate hospitals

I wish you luck and healing.. it's out there

(((((((Fuzzybear))))))))

[Wild Coyote]

I am so sorry you've been let down before when in a time of need.

I hope you can find the strength to try again, by reaching out.

Please be safe.


WC

[crimsoncat]

Did you ring cc?

[whisperingskye]

I did ring cc. And she asked me to go in and see her straight away..

Was with her for about an hour and I'm just glad she didn't say crisis team or hospital. I have to go back on Wednesday, and I'm to call crisis team if I can't cope.

[markmcc21]

Feel all I can do is give you a big hug. Hang in there!

[crimsoncat]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I did ring cc. And she asked me to go in and see her straight away..

Was with her for about an hour and I'm just glad she didn't say crisis team or hospital. I have to go back on Wednesday, and I'm to call crisis team if I can't cope.

ok thats good ,i am glad that you contacted her ,i hope it helped a little speaking to her ? , meds and bed sound like a good plan

[whisperingskye]

I'm not sure if it helped really, but has at least given me a plan for the next couple of days. Just have to see how it goes I guess..