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Old Jul 01, 2017, 04:48 PM
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MtnTime2896 MtnTime2896 is offline
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"You must've made some kind of mistake, I asked for death but instead I'm awake
The devil told me, 'No room for cheats', I thought I sold my soul but he kept the receipt."

-Bring Me The Horizon, 'Doomed'.

All of the distraction in the world can't save me. Nothing can save me. I guess I spent so much time trying to accept that, that it almost killed me. Kind of wish it had.
I tried so damn hard for so long.
Possible trigger:
At the same time, I don't think I can do that to the people I love. Even if I do believe everyone would be better off without me.

So here I am at this crossroad. Do I stay or do I go? Or do I just let this pain keep building until I finally can't take anymore?

I'm just so tired of living in this ****ing agony. Maybe I did this to myself and had it coming. "They kicked the chair, but we-we helped tie the rope." Maybe this is exactly what I deserve.
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  #2  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 06:37 PM
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subtle lights subtle lights is offline
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I can so much relate to this right now...I have nothing to say, every word of mine is empty.
Just know you're not alone
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  #3  
Old Jul 01, 2017, 09:28 PM
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markmcc21 markmcc21 is offline
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Member Since: May 2017
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You are where I am. I know that my family is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I know I could do it, I have no doubt. My family keeps me alive simply by being present.
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bipolar II
lithium, Tegretol, perphenazine (Trilafon), Cymbalta,
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  #4  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 08:08 AM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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To all 3 previous posters: I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You don't deserve what is happening to you and I'm glad you decided to stick around because you are needed and worthy. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better but I am here to support you and I'm also here if you need to talk. I hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you.
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  #5  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 10:09 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I can relate ((((( So leigheas )))))
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  #6  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 11:01 AM
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Oatter Oatter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
At the same time, I don't think I can do that to the people I love. Even if I do believe everyone would be better off without me.
I do not presume to know you, but volunteering might help. There are people who are likely better off with you. You could try.
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  #7  
Old Jul 02, 2017, 04:42 PM
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MtnTime2896 MtnTime2896 is offline
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I'm sorry for all of those who can relate. It's a terrible feeling and place to be in.

I've considered volunteering and have tried, I don't know why but whenever I'm around too many people, I can't quit having panic attacks, some flashbacks and hallucinations get worse. When it all gets too overwhelming, I dissociate and can't recall certain chunks of time. I just don't know if I'm willing to put myself or anyone else through my episodes.

Thanks for being here, all of you.

Quote:
I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better but I am here to support you and I'm also here if you need to talk. I hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you.
Thanks Jennifer
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