Will I always be reminded that I didn't have a youth?

I'm often reminded that I didn't have a normal youth that many others have - being carefree being around friends and enjoying life. I was just reminded of this again. Then I thought, will this be like this for the rest of my life? Will it always hit me out of the blue and remind me when I see a group of young people having a good time? I hope not. I hope I can learn to move past it. It is a part of my life I would prefer to just forget and put behind me. Do any of you had a difficult adolescence that still haunt you, or have you been able to put it behind you somehow so it no longer bothers you?

Why didn't you enjoy your youth?

I wish I could forget mine. I can't...

Dysfunctional family, drug abusing mother, no close relationships. I often wonder how I made it through

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family with abuse and was bullied mercilessly at school. I do however have a handful of good memories from childhood and I hold on to those. When I see kids today enjoying what I deem to be normal, happy childhoods I get a little sad but I remind myself that it's the past and I can't change it.

I have the present and hopefully a future to live and I don't want my past to rob me of that too. I hope you can come to peace with your past. It may come with time.

My past is nowhere near as bad as yours, but I understand what you mean. Bullied during elementary and middle school, being an extroverted kid with bad social skills, was basically a walking zombie due to stress and unsatisfying sleep at some point, moved to a new city every 2-3 years, no close relationships (or at least any that can last for more than the 2-3 year time frame), no real sense of self identity until college started about 4 years ago, and just being all around lonely despite being around people. I wish that I can just forget and start over from this point in time. I kind of gave up being social at this point, but at the same time, there have been times that I envy other people that have lifelong friends/confidants.