Almost killed myself today. Went to the hospital instead.

So yeah. Was going to do it. But when I promise something, I do it, and I promised my counselor I would call her if I was thinking about suicide. I was already out on the road, looking for a good wooded spot. But when she called back I pulled over into a park, and let her talk me into going to the hospital, I don't know why I did. So I drove all the way down there, anxious as could be... waited around the hospital, but there weren't any openings there or at the other one in town. So I promised I wouldn't kill myself tonight and I'm going back for the day program tomorrow. Fun.
And man do I feel like crap. Too much crying, anxiety, horrible day... I'm tired but buzzing on... I'll go to bed soon. Augh this is scary. But at least I can keep it from my mom since I won't be staying there...

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

I know how you feel. Its very scary going to a hospital but be [roud you did it on your own. Someone may have told you but you listeneed and went. Very good for you.

Good for you, going to the hosptal! You made the right decision. I'm happy you're still here, and maybe things will look brighter in the morning. Let me know. If you STILL feel that drastic, then I urge to return to the hospital a.s.a.p.

I'm very happy that you are still here, ((((Tao))))...



<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

I'm proud of you Tao
If you feel like that again, get your butt over to the hospital pronto.
I would hate it if something happened to you.

I'm always pleased when the monster gets it in the teeth.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

Tao, what hamstergirl says is my sentiments exactly.

The fact that you listened to your counselor and responded to her advice shows that you still do want to live, and now you've got another chance to see if you can improve your life.

I'm so glad you didn't try anything.

We'd all miss you here!

_____________________
RIP Dexter...
<font color=red>The best dog ever!!!</font color=red>

<font color=green>In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning.</font color=green>
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

>>I would hate it if something happened to you.<<

We would all hate it if something happened to you too, hamstergirl. Keep fighting.

_____________________
RIP Dexter...
<font color=red>The best dog ever!!!</font color=red>

<font color=green>In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning.</font color=green>
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Please just answer our posts so we know you are ok.

Make sure to talk to somebody when those thoughts get into your head again, thank goodness you did it this time.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

gab

Thanks all... I'm sorry.
Ai... I feel horrible. Weak and shaky... never feel shaky... maybe because I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and have been super-stressed. I don't want to deal with this... so tempted to run... not that I have anywhere to really run to, so that'd end everything real quick.
Went today. The program's ok, the staff seem good, seeing the difference between this psychiatrist and the one I saw 4 weeks ago makes me think the first just wanted me out of there. But these people seem nice, and competent. But I don't believe it'll help. Just stalling... that's all. Still very suicidal, although I have too much to do tonight to keep me from plotting. The staff were very concerned about my thoughts, but didn't go after in-patient care because I can promise to call their line before doing anything. Problem is, I'd probably wait until I was in place with everything waiting before making the call... but it doesn't matter. I need out... this is too hard. :-\

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...

(((((((((((((Toanuviel)))))))))))))
Blessings,
I've been there; many of us have been there, and you will be in our thoughts and prayers. Thank you for posting that verse; it does my heart good when I see it---there are so many of us who greatly need the sweet rest.
Hang in there,
Jon

KICK THE CABLE HABIT!!! http://www.vmcsatellite.com/?aid=84152

yeah... we have been there... and we just have to put one foot in front of the other... our T, or someone else who cares, will point us in the right direction.

I, too , am very careful when I make a promise, especially like this, and it's usually because I think I will never really let them talk me out of it, once I decide...

sounds like you have even more ppl who care... hang in there.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>