Do I want to get better?

I have been struggling lately, some days worse then others. Today isn't such a good one. My mind is going a mile a minute thinking of all my failures. I feel like I'm failing at life. I've been in therapy for years and my T and I have talked about ways to make me feel better long term which are basically eating healthy, working out and staying compliant with taking my medication. It's all so hard, even keeping up with my medication, I hate the fact that me being okay some days, is tied to that stupid little pill. I know the things I'm supposed to do, but I haven't made any changes. I should be bending over backwards to do these things, but I'm not. I'm not doing anything at all. What is wrong with me?

If you dont want to get better that would mean that depression is acceptable and you love the way things are, going to therapy and taking meds implies you dont accept that and want more for yourself , people dont often integrate a healthier lifestyle with speed ,if you didn't want more that would mean your the smoker who finally quits smoking when they get stage 4 lung cancer, its to late then , so i think deep inside yes you want better ,but because depression is what it is tackling it is going to take some time.

I hear you. I'm still failing at life after all these years. And I eventually despaired for a long time. I just couldn't seriously try in any meaningful way.

And yet here I am again, trying once more. Because, in spite of the fear of futility, I *do* want to get better. And I agree with the previous post. It sounds like you do too, even if it's hard for you to feel it.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Are you experiencing side effects? Or do you just feel bad about having to take it at all?

Have you only discussed the benefits of doing these things, or have you talked about ways to overcome the trouble actually doing them?

Myself, I've learned that I'll never continue with any exercise program I have to do on my own. I need external motivation. So, I go to exercise classes. Also attended by someone I met there who'll kill me if I fail to show up. I don't really even know them that well.

Not trying to be glib here, but what's wrong is that you're depressed. That's how it works and it isn't your fault. It just is. Try not to beat yourself up over it, but find ways around or through as best you can, when you can.

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Just trying to offer a little support. I hope you have some better days soon.

I've noticed on these forums that a lot of people who are struggling with depression have a lack of motivation. I think that is what is going on in your quest for better self care. Maybe pick one tiny thing to start with and build onto that. Good luck and best wishes.