[nh31911]

Firstly to say I'm not depressed or anything I just feel very confused and disoriented. I'm not even sure why I write this. It's just I don't know what to do. I am a 22 years old university student (second year) and on the paper doing okay. Mostly I just hate myself. I hate how lazy I am. I hate how bad I am at everything. I hate how little I have accomplished so far. And I hate how I never finish anything I start doing. I usually get straight As from exams but to me that's not good enough. I always know there were details I didn't study but they just weren't asked in the exam so I feel the grade wasn't deserved.

Last year I worked part-time beside studies doing night shift but I quit the job this year because I felt it affected my studying performance. So I've been living on savings from summer job this semester and I'm still doing financially ok. But still I can't help feeling disgusted not working at all. I'm not even sure if I'm interested in the field I'm studying. All in all I feel absolutely worthless being so unproductive.

I just don't know what should I do. I've started to think it would be just easier to die. I have planned how to do it and it would be quite easy because I have easy access to toxic substances in school. Only thing keeping from me doing it is that I don't want let down my mother. On the other hand I don't see any future in me I have no potential to become anything. I guess I should get help but I can't afford it and I would prefer dying than confessing someone not being able handle my life.

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC it's hard to know what we should do with the rest of our lives

[MickeyCheeky]

If you're feeling suicidal, I'd recommend seeing a therapist as soon as you can.

[regretful]

It's a tough spot that you describe...glad that you've found your way to psych central. Perhaps it is time to visit a therapist to sort out the feelings, or a university/vocational specialist to help you decide. You're very young yet, and from what you've written, appear to be doing quite well with your studies - maybe a break from schooling to give you time to step back and look at it all...put it into perspective? In the states, colleges and universities have counseling centers. Maybe the equivalent exists where you are? Best wishes to you.

[Saunder]

Originally Posted by nh31911

Firstly to say I'm not depressed or anything I just feel very confused and disoriented. I'm not even sure why I write this. It's just I don't know what to do. I am a 22 years old university student (second year) and on the paper doing okay. Mostly I just hate myself. I hate how lazy I am. I hate how bad I am at everything. I hate how little I have accomplished so far. And I hate how I never finish anything I start doing. I usually get straight As from exams but to me that's not good enough. I always know there were details I didn't study but they just weren't asked in the exam so I feel the grade wasn't deserved.

Last year I worked part-time beside studies doing night shift but I quit the job this year because I felt it affected my studying performance. So I've been living on savings from summer job this semester and I'm still doing financially ok. But still I can't help feeling disgusted not working at all. I'm not even sure if I'm interested in the field I'm studying. All in all I feel absolutely worthless being so unproductive.

I just don't know what should I do. I've started to think it would be just easier to die. I have planned how to do it and it would be quite easy because I have easy access to toxic substances in school. Only thing keeping from me doing it is that I don't want let down my mother. On the other hand I don't see any future in me I have no potential to become anything. I guess I should get help but I can't afford it and I would prefer dying than confessing someone not being able handle my life.

You're very young and believe you will accomplish a lot in your life. Maybe try volunteering for awhile. You have much to offer. Take care.

[nh31911]

I totally have failed at my studies I got an F in exam which I have never done before. I feel I have nothing left in life. I had one job and I have failed that too. Pathetic. I feel like I'm doing this on purpose but I can't control it. I keep telling myself I'm depressed but that's a lie I'm just utterly lazy. Today I was feeling suicidal but I did not want my family to be hurt. I feel like I maybe should get help but there's nothing wrong with me I should just grow up and stop being like this.

[Fuzzybear]