I am the horrible one

I've made posts before talking about a man I loved as though he was at fault. I realize I'm deplorable and I wish I could die to end my pain I cause to others. I was just in an accident when I realized it's my fault for not listening to the man i love or think I love and leaving me when he told me to let him go. I hate myself and I don't want to be alive to cause anymore pain. That's all I've ever done. I HATE MYSELF

I'm not sure I fully understand everything here as I'm not completely familiar with your story. I would like to read your other posts and give you a well thought out and helpful reply. But as I don't have much knowledge of more details, I want to remind you how often Depression lies to us

Are you saying your man told you to let him go? I think I'm missing something here I'm certainly familiar with depression, self hate and toxic shame

You feel that you didn't listen to the man you love And you think you caused ?

Also the accident is trauma and ... please give yourself some space to process this pain. I don't know you well but I don't want to lose you. I doubt very much if you're a horrible and deplorable person (I've been told I am by someone who took my father away but in my "saner" moments I know this is nothing but a lie )

I'm sorry if my reply is completely off

Thinking of you. Please be safe if you can

You cannot help what you feel but time (did he recently leave?) will hopefully give you more perspective and help you accept more. I regret some of the things I have said about my H on here because he is a lovely person. It is always best not to speak negatively of others but our arguments are due to different POVs and desires. Do you think something like this caused your breakup? Sometimes we want different things and resolving differences with a determined, strong willed man can be excruciating--or even impossible. Was your bf like this or was it something else? Like Fuzzy said--I don't know your story but perhaps you really listened but simply disagreed? Even in this post you are saying "think I love" and "don't want to be alive to cause anymore pain." Please try not to do something crazy. Get help if you think you might. Of course cry a little if you can. It is so hard when a bf leaves. Romantic breakups are about as emotional as it gets. Hugs.

(((((((( hugs ))))))))

Good post

I'm always glad to see you when you post. I don't fully understand how you caused pain for anyone, but I put myself through similar thoughts. I hope this mood will melt away soon. I agree with what Fuzzy and others said, depression lies.

I don't fully understand your post but I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I'm here if you want to talk. I hope you feel better soon. Sending big hugs.

I just want to thank all of you, I'm very down on myself and your replies were not too far off at all
I'm just struggling to find some worth for myself and you all helped with supporting me.