just need to write

i'm new here, and i am hoping that someone can tell me what is best, because my judgement isn't too clear. I am really feeling depressed, but can't really show i am around any family or friends. I'm have MPD/DID, and my littles are really having trouble dealing with things, privacy has been invaded where i am staying at, tired of all the stress and h*ll that is going on too, and on top of everything i am afraid to go to sleep because of this re-acureing dream of my grandmothers death, plus not counting the flashbacks that my littles have. I am at the point of wanting to just pack somethings in a bag, and disappear from the world, and the only thing keeping me from doing it is my 1st grandson, who is 9 months old now. he is the only thing i think that keep me from going away.

Hi Biggie, I so know that feeling of not feeling ok about showing your depression to family, that is a daily battle at times. Its like you wake up and feel like this monster is inside you and you need to quickly put that smile on your face..

I have no suggestions for you but DO know what it feels like, and am glad you have a beautiful grandson, that is something to treasure.

Sorry you are having such a hard time, biggie. Disappearing won't get rid of the recurring dream or the little's flashbacks I don't think. Do you have a T? I'm glad you can write about your experiences, that sometimes helps me.

thanks for the response everyone.
i am trying to keep up fronts right now, when around all the family and others, but when along, seems all i want to do is cry, which i can't do because someone might see my eyes when go back around someone, and too, if did cry might not be able to stop.

hi biggie : )

i always tried putting on the front.. didn't work too good in the long run but kept those who could have helped in the dark pretty effectively... i know it's scary... but the shadows are scary as well... you can feel safe here...