[littlep]

I don't know where to go from here. I have totally lost feelings for my husband, who has been through my depression with me for 10 years. I look at him and I feel nothing but ashamed that I can not give back to him what he tries to give to me. Over the years there has definately been some emotional abuse, when he gets frustrated he has said some very hurtful things like the kids aren't learning anything due to your inabilities and I go off crying. He apologizes and life goes on in a vicious cycle. I am so confused if due to my depression I am not letting him in or if due to his frustration I can no longer take the pain he inflicts on me plus my own. I agree that living with a person with deep depression is not easy, hell I hate living with myself. It seems as like our life revolves around my depression we eat sleep and breathe it. I know that deep down I am a caring, affectionate person who is stuck in this hole of depression.

[silver_queen]

I suppose your husband does not fully understand depression. Maybe you should go to your doctor and get some medication.

_____________________
RIP Dexter...
<font color=red>The best dog ever!!!</font color=red>

<font color=green>In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning.</font color=green>
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

[littlep]

Silver Queen,

I have been in therapy for 12 years and on meds. I am treatment resistant it seems. I keep trying different combos of meds and therapist to some day feel more complete.

[vlynnrn2004]

I was married to a controlling man for 17yrs. For most of those years I did not love him or feel any feelings for him. That made it very difficult to get intimate with him. I kept so much inside of me and wouldn't let him in. I isolated myself for awhile. Finally I did something for myself, because obviously he was not helping the situation. I went to nursing school at age 35yrs. It was very hard, but I had a goal that I was deterrmined I was going to reach and nobody could stop me except myself. What I am trying to say is that I know where you are coming from. Find something that you like to do for yourself and not for anyone else. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Set your mind to something you want to accomplish and don't let no one stop you from achieving your goals. The struggle is hard, but it is worth it in the end.
Please keep in touch. I am also a new member and I am finding lot's of caring people who care.
Hugs from me to you
vlynn

[littlep]

vlynn,

THanks for your thoughts. I have been fighting these feelings off for many years. I give you credit for being able to do something for yourself. I am not sure if you suffer from depression or not but mine takes so much out of me it is harder to do anything for myself. I actually need four more classes to get a double masters degree; right now my depression is deep and I am not comfortable putting that pressure on myself.
Also, regarding being depressed; I flip flop everyday with I am hard to live with, I am too sensitive if I wasn't the things he said wouldn't hurt so much, I really don't know how to communicate etc. I am fighting to be who I want to be and not conform; this fight is my rebellious side and brings out my immaturity. It is a vicious cylce that I am having a hard time dealing with. I don't want to be treated like I child; I have to learn to not act like a child.
littlep