Loss of Feelings

I don't know where to go from here. I have totally lost feelings for my husband, who has been through my depression with me for 10 years. I look at him and I feel nothing but ashamed that I can not give back to him what he tries to give to me. Over the years there has definately been some emotional abuse, when he gets frustrated he has said some very hurtful things like the kids aren't learning anything due to your inabilities and I go off crying. He apologizes and life goes on in a vicious cycle. I am so confused if due to my depression I am not letting him in or if due to his frustration I can no longer take the pain he inflicts on me plus my own. I agree that living with a person with deep depression is not easy, hell I hate living with myself. It seems as like our life revolves around my depression we eat sleep and breathe it. I know that deep down I am a caring, affectionate person who is stuck in this hole of depression.

hugssssss littlep. That situation sounds so difficult. You sound so thoughtful to begin to consider how others are affected by your depression. Perhaps couples therapy or therapy for yourself would help if he isnt interested in help. I read some books from the public library on depression that really helped me. I hope you continue to reach out to friends, family, online help, and other resources. All things can change. Even this trial. Hugssss
Esthersvirtue

Thanks for the hugs, wow, that makes me feel better. I have always tried to consider how my depression affects others, interesting enough my husband doesn't think so. It is a a constant battle of trying sooo hard to be there for each other and not understanding the other one. I do go to therapy, have been for 12 years, and unfortunately I have gotten little from it. My current therapists says that is because I am fighting the system. Anyway that is a post for the therapy board. We went to marriage counseling 4 times and he walked out the last time. I think he felt threatened since he couldn't control the therapist. We are waiting th see another one. The pain all this causes is so excrusheating (sp?).