[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by regretful

Fine to mention it...let's me know that people are reading it, and it really feels like a supportive forum. As for the return to therapy, I'll keep you posted.

Yes, I'm sure every word gets read. Apart from anything else, it's nice for us all to know that - if things get very bad - one of our buddies here will notice and say a few words, and give us the chance to expand.

Please keep us up to date with whatever is going on with you and thanks for the peace-wishes

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by nikon

hope everyone is surviving the day as best they can

i'm a lot calmer still today since seeing my therapist yesterday, which is a huge relief. I visited friends this morning and talked a lot to them too. i think i often tell myself i'm not allowed to feel certain things or think certain things and that causes a lot of inner conflict and pain. i'm not sure i actually realise how much pain that causes.

a few years ago i had an experience in rehab, long-term inpatient rehab, where i idolised the therapists, and trusted them implicitly. i believed everything they said because i saw them as total authorities on everything. after leaving, i have had a growing feeling that it was not the safe place i thought it was at the time, and that a lot of the time there i was very scared of falling out of favour with the therapists. i have told myself so many times that i'm not allowed to talk about it, or can't feel that way, because doing so would be ungrateful, or stupid, or nobody would believe me etc. yesterday i just started talking about it a little and it was such a relief.

Sounds like there was something weird going on there. Everyone's human and makes mistakes, so possibly they were well-intentioned? Or not? Sorry your inner voice was giving you a hard time about it.

[Rose76]

Been in bed all day. I'm getting more incapacitated.

Wish I was sure what to do. But we can never hope to be "sure."

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Been in bed all day. I'm getting more incapacitated.

Wish I was sure what to do. But we can never hope to be "sure."

Rose - I’m sorry you are struggling so. Do you have plans for tomorrow? ((((( Hugs )))))

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Rose - I’m sorry you are struggling so. Do you have plans for tomorrow? ((((( Hugs )))))

Yes, he and I are going out for dinner to a steskhouse.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Yes, he and I are going out for dinner to a steskhouse.

Very nice. I’ll be around if you need any support.

Barely got through my shift...it seems like my energy levels have been much less, and general sadness has been much more common. I worry about falling into a depression, especially around this time of year. My mind and body just feel sluggish before the 8 hours is up, lifting things and climbing ladders constantly takes more effort.

Today I am having the feeling of being OK with death. I am not actively suicidal, and I have no plans, but just the thought that if I died right now, I wouldn't have to deal with these feelings anymore.

It was fairly busy at work this morning and then it died down. I had volunteered to do some touch-up painting on walls that had marks on them. There were so many that I know I didn't get them all. After that it was a slow day. In the afternoon a lot of people left. I left a little bit early myself.

Was able to squeeze in a bike ride after work. It's normally hard to do that now because of the early sunsets. And yet in the late afternoon the temps. were around 85 degrees! That's really crazy being a day before Thanksgiving. It's like summer now. It's supposed to be like this tomorrow also.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Today I am having the feeling of being OK with death. I am not actively suicidal, and I have no plans, but just the thought that if I died right now, I wouldn't have to deal with these feelings anymore.

I feel that way too. Comfortable. When I was sitting in my car last nite listening to music, I had to turn the car on for heat a few times.

Flashes of my late nephew came to mind. What was he mulling thru his mind in his car....

[sky457]

Even though I have a lot of close friends I still feel alone. I think this is mainly due to having an emotionally absent mother growing up.

I consistently feel as though I have no one.

[sky457]

There is no one to turn to in my family that is of health. I don’t want to message my friends for support because I don’t want to mess up their holiday.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by sky457

There is no one to turn to in my family that is of health. I don’t want to message my friends for support because I don’t want to mess up their holiday.

You’ll find support and encouragement here.

[Sunflower123]

Sending positive vibes and best wishes for everyone who struggles during the holiday season.

[Rose76]

Another day to get through.

[Deilla]

My morning is quiet. I'm waiting a little bit longer before I start cooking. It's sunny so that is good. I feel pretty good today. I hope everyone is doing well. Hugs to all.

[Patagonia]

Positive thoughts to all my fellow peeps out there!

[nikon]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Sounds like there was something weird going on there. Everyone's human and makes mistakes, so possibly they were well-intentioned? Or not? Sorry your inner voice was giving you a hard time about it.

yeah, i think well-intentioned. i think it's possibly something to do with the very harsh style of counselling that happens at drug rehabs, combined with some counsellors being "mavericks" (ie: having their own style that borders on shocking). i'm transgender, though, and i believe that they had no idea how to deal with transgender people at all, and basically said a bunch of hugely insensitive things. so half of me idolises them because of being authority figures, and half of me is hurt and upset and angry.

[nikon]

hope everyone is ok...

i had a good day so far. spent the morning with friends helping out with something, and then did some work for my college course, which is a rare thing these days! kind of trying to make the most of my good mood and productivity while i've got it

i'm extremely hungry today, but not sure why. i sometimes just get like that. i am on a rough meal plan from a dietician, which i'm grateful for. sometimes i get scared of my medication making me like that, because i have had a bad experience with olanzapine in the past.

when i feel good like this i always get a bit nervous after a few days, because i expect the feeling to come to a sudden, sticky end.

I got up just after 7AM. I felt a little bit down before breakfast. I feel like I have a lot of time on my hands for a four-day weekend. I plan to do some bike riding today. It's supposed to get up to 90 degrees today where I am.

I would have wanted to take a hike at a popular hill near where I live, but it would too hot to do that. I can remember when I was much younger, living at my original home (an area where Thanksgiving began), my family and I would take a little walk in the dunes area. It would be cold but it was nice doing it. This morning I saw on the newspaper online, at where I came from, that there's a "cranberry hunt". That looked kind of nice.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you all! One thing to be thankful for, at least, is having this site to go to instead of having it shut down for the day.

Originally Posted by will19

I got up just after 7AM. I felt a little bit down before breakfast. I feel like I have a lot of time on my hands for a four-day weekend. I plan to do some bike riding today. It's supposed to get up to 90 degrees today where I am.

I would have wanted to take a hike at a popular hill near where I live, but it would too hot to do that. I can remember when I was much younger, living at my original home (an area where Thanksgiving began), my family and I would take a little walk in the dunes area. It would be cold but it was nice doing it. This morning I saw on the newspaper online, at where I came from, that there's a "cranberry hunt". That looked kind of nice.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you all! One thing to be thankful for, at least, is having this site to go to instead of having it shut down for the day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[DowdyTheFifth]

Today will be the first full week that I have been on Seroquel, and it seemingly instantly lifted me out of my Psychotic Depression. I feel good, haven't felt decently in over two months. I still feel anxious, but I;m glad that it seems like the depression has been taken care of I hope everyone finds relief from their symptoms!

[Rose76]

I'm getting to where I have little will power. I fail at making myself do the simple little things that are necessary e ery day - like just brushing my teeth.

I think on Monday I might call the VAMC and tell the social worker I have to take a break from caring for my boyfriend. But this is the holiday season and Christmas is coming. How can I do this to him before Christmas?

I had hoped to at least get through the holidays with disrupting things.

I was just thinking of my sister who tells me I make myself depressed because I "dwell on" things. I hardly ever hear from her. I suppose that's just as well.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm getting to where I have little will power. I fail at making myself do the simple little things that are necessary e ery day - like just brushing my teeth.

I think on Monday I might call the VAMC and tell the social worker I have to take a break from caring for my boyfriend. But this is the holiday season and Christmas is coming. How can I do this to him before Christmas?

I had hoped to at least get through the holidays with disrupting things.

I was just thinking of my sister who tells me I make myself depressed because I "dwell on" things. I hardly ever hear from her. I suppose that's just as well.

Honestly I think in some ways, a person can cause themselves to become more depressed by dwelling - but I think the origination of depression is not from a person's thoughts. Rather once depressed, the person can choose to think in ways that improve their depression at times or in ways that magnify their depression at times. But depression is never the fault of the person who is depressed.

In your case, Rose, I think you have so much stress about things that affect you on a daily basis you can't help but "dwell" on them. Since there are no "good answers" to be found for your stressors it makes it near impossible to turn things into a positive outlook, which makes it hard to "think in ways that improve depression" so instead you end up dwelling on the negative searching for answers which in turn causes you to "think in ways that increase depression". So depression, in your case, is a natural occurrence to your situation. It is not your fault. I wish I knew the answers to give you.

*hugs*

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm getting to where I have little will power. I fail at making myself do the simple little things that are necessary e ery day - like just brushing my teeth.

I think on Monday I might call the VAMC and tell the social worker I have to take a break from caring for my boyfriend. But this is the holiday season and Christmas is coming. How can I do this to him before Christmas?

I had hoped to at least get through the holidays with disrupting things.

I was just thinking of my sister who tells me I make myself depressed because I "dwell on" things. I hardly ever hear from her. I suppose that's just as well.

Requesting a break from being a full time caregiver is a loving gesture for you and for him. It’s like the flight attendants tell you on the plane: in case of emergency put your oxygen mask on first because you need to be able to help your loved ones but won’t be able to do that if you’re unconscious (if that makes sense).

I think a break may do you a world of good. Thinking of you.

[lotusblossom19]

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope the holiday brings you some joy.