[regretful]

If it's not depression, it's anxiety, and if it's not anxiety, it's depression...so overwhelmed by the costs of being self-employed - both financially and emotionally. A moment's peace to all of you here today struggling with issues, great or small. I keep telling myself that it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be, and while that is probably true, depression keeps telling me that it is even worse...Still, I get up and keep going...thanks for taking the time to read my tale of woe.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

This plummet in the temp, not being able to get warm & barely any sun is taking its toll!

Are you not really on a camel?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Kote

Yesterday morning was pretty bad. My mom left early for her job so I didn't get to see her & get my daily morning hug from her so I had to wake up my sister and ask for one. I ended up crying in her and my other sisters arms.

I feel pretty good this morning. But I can feel the depression creeping in. I can feel myself over thinking and my mood getting slightly darker and darker. It's a struggle to stay positive but I'm trying.

Sorry, Kote. Here's another one

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by regretful

If it's not depression, it's anxiety, and if it's not anxiety, it's depression...so overwhelmed by the costs of being self-employed - both financially and emotionally. A moment's peace to all of you here today struggling with issues, great or small. I keep telling myself that it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be, and while that is probably true, depression keeps telling me that it is even worse...Still, I get up and keep going...thanks for taking the time to read my tale of woe.

I can't recall right now, regretful... do you see a therapist? (If you want to say).

Thanks for the moments of peace you always wish us. I wish you the same.

Love to everyone.

I had another good day

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by katydid777

I woke up real early with a bad H/A, and my bones ache so bad. I already took a hot shower to help my bones. I am just not with it today, but my husband and I are putting up sheetrock, and trying to get everything we can done before our son, and his girlfriend come next weekend. Lord please give me the strength I need to get things done.

I've no idea what Sheetrock is, K. But putting it up sounds like hard work.

[mulan]

Ok day, not perfect. Emotionally chalenging for me, for others it wouldn't be.
And my thoughts which do not seem to work properly to keep a conversation and give the right answears in time. I blame it to poor sleep and stress (only?).
Having to talk to others while there's only two of us and keep and interesting conversation is hard for me. Not getting in the mistake of saying I know nothing about nothing and I don't care about nothing is hard. Is that or being fake (Without lying?).

There is going to be an end of the year get together, at a fancy place with music and dancing, a gala. I am a fish out of water at those kind of events. They are dreadfull, so, how do I answear when people ask me if I am not going... Make myself interested on it, asking how it's going to be, saying I have to think... I don't want to dress up, I don't want to dance, I don't want to talk to lots of people and go from group to group, from person to person (and telling myself: I am making a full of myself).
Thanks, I pass, it is too awfull.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

I can't recall right now, regretful... do you see a therapist? (If you want to say).

Thanks for the moments of peace you always wish us. I wish you the same.

Love to everyone.

I had another good day

Glad to hear you had a good day; it's time for me to revisit therapy (long story about why I stopped). My worries are 100% related to my career and business, with pressures unrelenting. Sadly, no therapist can "fix" that. So I rely, for now, on the support that I get here.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Thank you

I just feel concerned about you, R. You seem to be carrying so much.

Have had an appointment with my dentist. Have been doing laundry and I have done the dishes. I'm so glad that my new "dishwashing-routine" seem to work well for me. Small steps on the road to a better life ... (I'm still depressed).

[Kote]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Sorry, Kote. Here's another one

Thank you. It really does mean a lot to me.

It was fairly busy today at work, much to my surprise, being a day before a long weekend. We have tomorrow off. I got out of work a little bit early and was able to fit a one hour bike ride in. I won't get many chances to go bike riding after work now that the sun sets much earlier.

Feeling alright today. Not real up but not very down either. I hope that it will be a nice evening. There's a football game on tonight and it has pre-empted the two shows that I want to see. Between the two teams that are playing tonight, it's the "who cares bowl" for me.

I have some plans for tomorrow and Saturday. We'll see if they all go through. I personally think that they should.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Kote

Thank you. It really does mean a lot to me.

Here's more

[Rose76]

Wish it was all over.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Do you mean the day, Rose?

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

I've no idea what Sheetrock is, K. But putting it up sounds like hard work.

Sheetrock is the chalky hard stuff walls are made of. It is hard work, but I didn't do much yesterday. I ended up spending most of the day in bed, but I feel a lot better today. My day today is going to the Ortho Dr with my Husband, then coming back and trying to help my Husband finish the job, so we can move on to the next one.

[katydid777]

I had a pretty ruff day yesterday because of my physical health, and spent most of the day in bed instead of helping my husband. Today I physicaly feel better. I will be going with my husband to his Ortho Dr. apt this morning. Then when we get back home I will be helping him to finish up the mud room, and laundry room. Then we can finish up the spare room, and put the shower doors in the bathroom. After all of that I will be doing major house cleaning. My Son, and his Girlfriend that might end up being our Daughter in law, and this is our first time meeting her, will be staying with us for a week. They will get here sometime next Saturday. I just want everything to be, and go right.

[WishIWereAStone]

Another rough night with my cold and systemic issues of my disability, but only half a day here at work so hopefully it goes by quickly, unfortunately the second half of the day is a work outing, socializing with coworkers, hoping to duck out early.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Thank you

I just feel concerned about you, R. You seem to be carrying so much.

I appreciate it; there's a lot to carry, but to some, it's probably much less to carry than they have. Started today by doing the best I can to be grateful, followed by a visit to my mom, and a check-in here. I appreciate your kindness.

[regretful]

As I noted above, started the day with doing the best I can to be grateful; a brief visit to my mom who provided encouragement; and as today progresses, I continue to wish all of you a moment or two of peace amidst the strife of this horrible affliction.

client bought me coffee and invited me to thanksgiving. what? i just started my "entrepreneurial efforts", so i need to learn how to deal with the legal aspects of it, and how not to get screwed over. so everything is making me paranoid. and i need to make sure the business survives after a change will be wrought on my life come Dec. i'm scared.

the SI urges are really bad this week.

i'm really tired.

i'm stressed but i'm trying to say i can handle it. it's only difficult if i make it difficult.

Possible trigger:

i really just think SIing would help me a lot. it helped me get out of bed on Wed. bringing the blades with me helped me get out of the house

i seem to have had a life where sleep and grief are needed desperately. there were things i remembered yesterday, which made me think that, while some died in their teens, i have been fighting against death, or rather, i've been only half alive since birth, and i'm in a perpetual state of checking whether i'm alive, trying to be alive, or rebuild, and it's not working. i died the moment i was born into these circumstances. the world is too heavy. survival means forgetting i exist.

the job search officially has some momentum.

I just feel like I need to cry. I cried a bit yesterday. there has been no continuation of the tears. i think if i cried, it would be proof that i remembered that i existed, and that i am unhappy, and i am grieving.

[Kote]

I think I genuinely feel pretty good today. Most people aren't coming in to work so I'll be working alone, at my own pace, and with no real pressure to get things done. Plus, I tend to feel better on the weekends and knowing that I will get out of work early today really helps. My mom even noticed that my tone was more upbeat this morning. But I know that it can all come crashing down any second, so I'm just trying to enjoy it while I can.

I got up at 7:15 AM and had a pretty good night's sleep. I'm doing laundry right now. I got in the laundry room at 8, when it first opens up. I have some plans for today. Previously I had worried that I wouldn't have much to do today.

After the laundry is done, I plan to do a little hiking. After that I'll have lunch, rest a little, and then do a little bike riding. I'll try to be a bi-athlete today. I need to lose a little weight.

[PsychNitrous]

Today started out ok, but has taken a downward slide. I went to pack up my old office this morning and was trying to bring everything into the apartment on my own. With only one box left I tripped up the stairs outside. My knuckles got scraped up, and my knees some too. Mostly it's the pain the fall triggered getting to me. I have arthritis in my knees, and they hurt so bad now. I was so scared too when I fell, I didn't know how easily it would be to get back up.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

Today started out ok, but has taken a downward slide. I went to pack up my old office this morning and was trying to bring everything into the apartment on my own. With only one box left I tripped up the stairs outside. My knuckles got scraped up, and my knees some too. Mostly it's the pain the fall triggered getting to me. I have arthritis in my knees, and they hurt so bad now. I was so scared too when I fell, I didn't know how easily it would be to get back up.

I know how scary and painful that is from falling often in my life. Did you wash off your cuts and scrapes? I'm not sure what would be better for the knees, ice, or a heating pad. So sorry you're dealing with this.

[Kote]

Originally Posted by will19

I got up at 7:15 AM and had a pretty good night's sleep. I'm doing laundry right now. I got in the laundry room at 8, when it first opens up. I have some plans for today. Previously I had worried that I wouldn't have much to do today.

After the laundry is done, I plan to do a little hiking. After that I'll have lunch, rest a little, and then do a little bike riding. I'll try to be a bi-athlete today. I need to lose a little weight.

That sounds like a nice day. I hope you enjoy it.