[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Love to everyone

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by sky457

Even though I have a lot of close friends I still feel alone. I think this is mainly due to having an emotionally absent mother growing up.

I consistently feel as though I have no one.

SKY!.......

[Sunflower123]

I couldn’t get my panic attacks under control and wasn’t able to go to the Thanksgiving meal. I have one family member who had a fit over that. I thought the response could have been more forgiving. My daughter said “mom, that’s like going into a flower shop expecting to order bagels. You can’t expect something that she doesn’t have in her”. Aaaahhhh...wise young lady.

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm getting to where I have little will power. I fail at making myself do the simple little things that are necessary e ery day - like just brushing my teeth.

I think on Monday I might call the VAMC and tell the social worker I have to take a break from caring for my boyfriend. But this is the holiday season and Christmas is coming. How can I do this to him before Christmas?

I had hoped to at least get through the holidays with disrupting things.

I was just thinking of my sister who tells me I make myself depressed because I "dwell on" things. I hardly ever hear from her. I suppose that's just as well.

I went through a severe depressive phase with anxiety attacks recently but after 3-4weeks I am feeling better. You too will overcome your depression.
(((hugs)))

I took a two hour and 45 minute bike ride today. It all went well. And then I cooked my dinner. I had Cornish game hen, mashed potato (I did it myself, not the instant), squash, black olives, stuffing (not Stove Top), and cranberry sauce. It all turned out well, except that I had messed up the gravy. Well, live and learn! At least I can do it better with the leftovers I had.

It turned out to be a very good day. My sister called me. Thanksgiving seemed very true to its name today for me.

[Rose76]

Hope I fall asleep now . . . . and stay asleep a decent amount of time.

One moment I'm in happy, then I feel numb. How can this addiction to a person could be so soul destroying? I'm just holding on and hopefully I'll see the sunshine again. I just have to go through these storms and hold on to my dear life that I'll be well again I've been getting thoughts of

Possible trigger:

self harm and not being here

. I've rather go through the pain to help me in the long run.

[nikon]

happycheeks - I'm sorry to here you're in such a painful place right now. I think i have experienced something similar to "addiction to a person", and it was very difficult. hold on, you will make it through.

my day has been good so far. i went on the accountability thread and i think that will help to have small, achievable goals each day. the only trouble is, i'm expecting that at some point my mood will crash and i will be in the depths of depression again, and not able to give a **** about goals or making an effort. writing about it it almost sounds like bipolar but i don't get manic, the highest i go is just averagely happy.

i actually managed to do some college work today. I'm a bit lonely, so i might visit my parents in a bit, but kind of don't want to get drawn into babysitting my nephew the whole time, because he's exhausting

Having coffee and finishing up a paper, so it's a good enough morning, just with the residue of shame.

I'm trying to prioritize graduating. There's not much motivating me except a vague sense that it would be bad if I didn't graduate. I'm not even seeing further than December. There are some plans in place for post grad, but I'm apathetic and I don't think I have a firm grasp on things. My head is cloudy, and I don't care about anything. All of November has passed in a haze. I am a little miffed that the T that I see did not believe me when I told her about this, several weeks ago.

Then the only things she does is ask what it takes to get out of this. Well, I don't know. I was going to write that it will pass, but I don't truly know if it will. I'm a little worried everything will just stop, but I think it will be okay.

I've been writing a lot of fiction lately and writing songs. I don't really care for "academic" work. I would rather create by myself, free from this school, which I have grown to hate. I am not interested in things that are assigned to me.

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

Having coffee and finishing up a paper, so it's a good enough morning, just with the residue of shame.

I'm trying to prioritize graduating. There's not much motivating me except a vague sense that it would be bad if I didn't graduate. I'm not even seeing further than December. There are some plans in place for post grad, but I'm apathetic and I don't think I have a firm grasp on things. My head is cloudy, and I don't care about anything. All of November has passed in a haze. I am a little miffed that the T that I see did not believe me when I told her about this, several weeks ago.

Then the only things she does is ask what it takes to get out of this. Well, I don't know. I was going to write that it will pass, but I don't truly know if it will. I'm a little worried everything will just stop, but I think it will be okay.

I've been writing a lot of fiction lately and writing songs. I don't really care for "academic" work. I would rather create by myself, free from this school, which I have grown to hate. I am not interested in things that are assigned to me.

(((Hugs)))

[Deilla]

Not doing that well today. I'm kind of depressed. My modem died on me this morning and when I went out to my car, the battery was dead. I don't want to mess with my car today. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I just want to crawl back into bed. I don't feel like doing anything. Getting dressed this morning was too hard.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Not doing that well today. I'm kind of depressed. My modem died on me this morning and when I went out to my car, the battery was dead. I don't want to mess with my car today. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I just want to crawl back into bed. I don't feel like doing anything. Getting dressed this morning was too hard.

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I hope you feel better soon. Please take good care of yourself. Sending positive vibes and big hugs.

[Patagonia]

Very bad day! Feel like I'm holding my breath. Can't keep this facade up

[Rose76]

It's turning out to be a black Friday, alright . . . for me.

[Albatross2008]

Grrrrrr.

[CepheidVariable]

Hello everyone,

I'm having a little avoidant/depressive crash here, so please forgive me if I don't really participate much for a bit (no idea how long, probably not long). I've had these cycles before, and I have my ups and downs from day to day also.

I seemed to end up posting in other update threads and not this one. But since I have been frequenting this forum more often, I thought I should say something here. I wanted to make sure that no one feels I'm not paying attention, have lost interest, am upset, or that something was badly wrong with me (or have just plain wandered off). I just keep coming up empty on responses and energy when I get like this. This has nothing to do with anyone else here.

Anyways, I'll be okay. I just wanted to say that I'm still always at least lurking around and keeping up with how you're all doing. There's a lot of really good people here doing the best they know how. Take care.

A so-so kind of day for me. I have it off from work which makes it nice. A friend of mine had sent me a message saying that his wife was going to the gym. I was going to visit with him around 11AM but it turned out that I could make it earlier. As far as I could remember, I didn't remember him saying that he was going to go with his wife at the gym and that he would be home around 11. I called his house before leaving - no answer. And then his cell phone - no answer. I went to his house and no one was home. We talked later on the phone and he said that he had told me on the message that he was going with his wife and that he'd be home around 11.

Like a dummy I had deleted his message because I didn't feel the need to read it again. He said that he was going to the gym with his wife, but I didn't remember seeing that. I thought to myself, "am I losing my mind?" That he really did say what he was going to do and I missed it? If he was correct, then I feel like I would have a lot to worry about. I wish I could get that message back to see who was right. It's too bad that as a result of this that he and I didn't get together.

Other than that, not much of a day. I plan to work out later on.

my shark socks, they have a huge hole, my whole heel is showing. immodest!

[June55]

Happy. Elated. Bouncy. On a high of some sort. So happy I could cry. Tired. Peaceful. Completely opposite of what I’ve been feeling lately. I’m free from that cloud that seemed to be hanging over me.

What will tomorrow bring?

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

Hello everyone,

I'm having a little avoidant/depressive crash here, so please forgive me if I don't really participate much for a bit (no idea how long, probably not long). I've had these cycles before, and I have my ups and downs from day to day also.

I seemed to end up posting in other update threads and not this one. But since I have been frequenting this forum more often, I thought I should say something here. I wanted to make sure that no one feels I'm not paying attention, have lost interest, am upset, or that something was badly wrong with me (or have just plain wandered off). I just keep coming up empty on responses and energy when I get like this. This has nothing to do with anyone else here.

Anyways, I'll be okay. I just wanted to say that I'm still always at least lurking around and keeping up with how you're all doing. There's a lot of really good people here doing the best they know how. Take care.

That's okay, I understand. I hope you're okay.

I'm feeling a lot better today. I've never been given space. My ex was always texting me therefore me not healing and still being addicted to him. Yes, I texted him too but I was in a twisted, deluded state of mind. Now, I'm taking care of myself and stop contacting him all together. His constant texting has put me in this limbo state. I think to myself, are we really over or does he still contact because he wants a relationship still? I was always the pain in the arse. He was complaining about me in his statuses. I know he cheated on me. Well, I deserve better than that and I'm focusing on myself. How dare he. Oh yeah, just talk to other girls while giving me the false hope, I feel so disgusted. no way. Saying I prefer this and this in a girl while still texting me. I thought we were over. Why are you still texting me? Oh yeah I'm an easy, weak teddy bear. I deserve better. I'll stop typing about him but I need to let it out.

[Bill3]

Have you blocked and unfollowed/unfriended him?

Originally Posted by Bill3

Have you blocked and unfollowed/unfriended him?

Yeah I have. sorry if you're tired of hearing it

[Albatross2008]

This explains it.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Yeah I have. sorry if you're tired of hearing it

Just glad you did it - for you.