Struggling to keep up

Everyday just seems to get worse and worse. I sleep too much and always feel tired, which has impacted me getting to classes. I have been skipping classes for school lately because I'm sleeping or not motivated to go. Everything seems so hard. I want to do things, in this case school, but I don't feel motivated to, no matter how much I try and think about the end goal of getting my degree.

I see a psychologist twice a month... and I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon, in three weeks but is that too late? I just want to be me again.

Also, I keep feeling like this is my fault and how I keep getting depressed. I have been depressed for already a third of the year, and now more than this. My family has told me that I make this up for attention, and it makes me think I am, though I'm so impacted by it all. I don't want to be like this...

I seriously doubt you are hurting to get attention. You may be looking for attention because you are hurting. That is certainly something you can discuss with your psychologist, if doubts linger. That can be a pernicious line of thought.

Excessive sleep was a big problem for me years ago when I had a major episode. I don't have any immediate advice on that front, since it is really an effect of the depression.

Going for a degree can be tough enough. I'm sorry that you are having so much trouble motivating yourself to get there. You could try to establish a routine of small steps just to get yourself up, out, and to the classroom. Maybe try to have some little enjoyable activity or reward along the way. There's been a few other threads here and there about getting going in the morning.

I hope things get a little easier for you.

I too am completely unmotivated and uninterested in college. I feel like I'm wasting my time by going. Anyway, it's good that you're taking advantage of the psychologist (since they're "free"). Hopefully they're helping you one way or another.

And you're not faking it. If you were faking it you wouldn't be going through all these efforts to help yourself (and anyway, this is a common thought process among neurodivergents). Your family unfortunately just doesn't understand mental health issues.

Maybe you need a re-evaluation of your medication? You seemed to get better for a while. What year of college are you in? The first and second year can be really tough. Add depression to that and it’s just that much harder. I hope you find some relief with your tdoc or pdoc and feel better soon. I don’t think you’re faking it either. I have a problem with motivation as well. I understand. You’re not alone. Sending big hugs.

Thanks for your response. I went to a walk-in clinic today, mainly for a note because I was supposed to do an exam today, but because of my sleeping, lack of motivation, and lack of concentration from depression, I didn't study at all for it, and knew doing it would cause me to fail, and if I failed this I would fail the course, as you have to get a minimum of 50% overall mark between the final exam, midterm, and tutorials, and the midterm (today) was worth 20% overall, so... He filled out the form I needed, and said I am severely impaired and shouldn't write an exam at the moment. I feel slightly bad about that, but it's also possible he checked that off so I didn't need to do the exam.

The doctor I saw seemed quite nice. This isn't my normal doctor, as I live somewhere else for school. My family doctor is okay, but not that great with mental health issues. She understands the struggle, just not the treatment stuff, which is kinda weird to be honest, but. Anyways, this doctor decided to increase my dose, which I did want to try anyways, so hopefully this will go well.

Yes, I was good in the summer, but things went the other way at the beginning of October.

I'm in first year engineering, so currently I'm taking 6 courses. The academic advisor I saw today said maybe I shouldn't take 6 courses next semester due to depression so maybe I'll give that a shot, though I want to work in the summer, not do school, but if it's for my health, I will. I just need to make money to pay for school, as I don't qualify for government support since my parents make too much even though they both don't want to pay and want the other parent to. Struggles.

Thanks for your support.