Craving Death

Perfect sense and a ironic analogy.

A great portion of my depression stems from my physical disability, which I have had to adapt to for the majority of my life, making the MH issues even more difficult to overcome, I am and never will be away from one of my main triggers. Adapting to that? I have no idea where to start, no amount of talking it out has ever helped me feel ok about what happened and I doubt I ever will.

Sometimes "talk therapy" is not the right "prosthetic" fit ... Have you tried any other form of mental health or alternative treatment?

I have ben on some meds before like wellbutrin (sp?) but it didn't really help me much at all.

Perhaps that medication was not a good fit for you either. There are many medications similar to it out there. What works for some, may not for others. Some do not respond to meds at all. I don't - well, very slightly at least. But I found essential oils (a type of alternative therapy) benefits me. Again, alternative therapies are a "good fit" for some and not others. Keep looking til you find your "good fit". I don't know if your outlook on death will change. It may or may not - but at least it would make existing easier, right?

I will read up on essential oils, I have never considered them before, thank you for the suggestion. Money is a huge issue for me right now, just paying the bills is difficult most months let alone adding a new expense like therapy.

You're welcome. Some are not that expensive. Stick to the 100% therapeutic grade essential oils in dark glass vials. Check the ingredients to make sure all that it contains is the oil stated n perhaps water.

The "blends" can be dangerous depending on your reactions and/or allergies to each particular oil, so it is best to experiment with each individual oil first. The commercial oils generally have added chemicals which can be dangerous and even toxic - thats why you need to check both the grade and ingredients and make sure it is a dark glass vial.

When it is a 100% therapeutic grade you will only need a few drops at most - so when you first try a new oil out, you won't need more than the 0.5oz size .. You will be surprised how far that goes!

I get my oils at www.bulkapothecary.com
But they are sold at a variety of places.

My problem is I literally have next to no money ($4 this month) after I pay bills n only get paid once a month n have run out of all the oils I use.

The bulk size oils made me laugh, I can't imagine having a 55 gallon drum of oil delivered and it not raise some eyebrows.
Money is always a problem, there have months where I didn't have a phone and sometimes I just walk around in the dark so the next month my electric bill would be lower.
I have to have my medication so always allow for that but I understand giving up a lot due to no money.

Lol get the 0.5 oz - I promise it will last a month or more. I think the super large ones are for ppl who do businesses of making soaps or perfumes or etc.
Most of the 0.5 oz is only a few dollars too unless you get an extremely rare one (like 100% rose oil).

I can relate to the money issue though. Are there any programs you can get on there that can help you with any of your financial needs?

Sadly I make to much money to get any type of assistance lol You couldn't tell that from my bank account. We do get food from the food pantry a lot, but we know someone there so they help us out. We try not to do it to often as we know there are others in a lot worse shape then ourselves.

If you need help, nothing wrong in getting it. Have you checked with local churches and such, they aren't limited to the same rules the state and federal assistance programs are - they make their own rules, some more lenient n some more strict - depends on the church or place.

Haven't really looked elsewhere, we are getting by. I just always feel that someone out there is worse of than me and would hate to take when someone else might need it more. Keep thinking that God is providing, it's definitely not an abundance but we have a roof over our heads, food everyday, all the basics, just nothing really beyond that.

There's so much here I can relate to! The craving. The overwhelming feeling of a tired life.
I understand this on many levels.

I have dug deeper into my religious background & upbringing. Changed my narrow views & feel much more comfortable thinking about & researching the next wrinkle of "time" that is approaching. I look forward to it!

So many see death as a linear plane, a finish line. I see so much more.
Everyday it's there to greet me. Waiting. So not fair.