[littleblackdog]

Struggling so much at the moment. Feel so low and anxious all the time. Constant migraines. I just can't do this any more.
GP wants me to take a leap of faith and wait to see if the lithium works. For over a year now I have been trying different drugs and waiting to see if they work. They haven't - although they have given me lots of side effects including weight gain and a stomach ulcer
Pdoc wants me to try sleeping tablets in the hope that I will get more than 3 hours sleep a night and feel better.
She also wants to sign me off work.

If I get signed off sick everyone will know, and I am scared I will lose my job, and that not having work to focus on will make me feel worse.

pdoc also wants me to let her team help me find an activity to do outside work to help me meet people. How can I? Just the thought of waling into a group of strangers makes me so anxious, and for what? To find another group of people where I will feel like an outsider and do an activity I will be rubbish at
Her other suggestion was to meet up with a group of other people who also suffer from depression/anxiety but I feel like such a fraud. I have no trauma or abuse that triggered this, I am just useless and pathetic.

It would be so much better if I just didn't exist any more, I wouldn't be a burden or a nuisance to anyone

[continuosly blue]

I feel your pain. What I found out after many years of struggle was that life is full of trial and error. Unfortunately we have to go through periods of time where “ we’re just trying somethings out “. We need to find what works and what doesn’t. Many times I put myself on autopilot. Just breathing and functioning without really wanting to. Hopefully at some point after much suffering we may come out with a partial joy of life. Be grateful for the little things. Don’t think so much. Fake it till you make it. Good luck to you. Seek out any resources that may be available to you. Talk to others. It can get better.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by littleblackdog

Struggling so much at the moment. Feel so low and anxious all the time. Constant migraines. I just can't do this any more.
GP wants me to take a leap of faith and wait to see if the lithium works. For over a year now I have been trying different drugs and waiting to see if they work. They haven't - although they have given me lots of side effects including weight gain and a stomach ulcer
Pdoc wants me to try sleeping tablets in the hope that I will get more than 3 hours sleep a night and feel better.
She also wants to sign me off work.

If I get signed off sick everyone will know, and I am scared I will lose my job, and that not having work to focus on will make me feel worse.

pdoc also wants me to let her team help me find an activity to do outside work to help me meet people. How can I? Just the thought of waling into a group of strangers makes me so anxious, and for what? To find another group of people where I will feel like an outsider and do an activity I will be rubbish at
Her other suggestion was to meet up with a group of other people who also suffer from depression/anxiety but I feel like such a fraud. I have no trauma or abuse that triggered this, I am just useless and pathetic.

It would be so much better if I just didn't exist any more, I wouldn't be a burden or a nuisance to anyone

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. I encourage you to push yourself to let your doctor find you an activity or to meet with a group of people with similar issues. I know you don’t feel like it would be beneficial but it may really give you some relief.

You don’t need to experience trauma or abuse to have depression/anxiety and it’s probably a good idea not to compare yourself to others. It could be a chemical imbalance or a result of life experiences unique to you. Please be gentle with yourself. You are worthwhile. I hope you feel better soon.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((( hugs )))))))))))
I’m sending gentle hugs and warm thoughts

[littleblackdog]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

Fake it till you make it. Good luck to you. Seek out any resources that may be available to you. Talk to others. It can get better.

I have been 'faking it' for so long now that it's killing me. It is taking all of my energy to carry on going to work and acting like everything's fine so my colleagues won't find out. Sadly there are no other resources currently available to me, I have my GP and am seeing a pdoc for medication but that's it. Nobody will tell me what the next step is/what to do if medication doesn't work. I just keep getting told that lithium works for half of all people who don't respond to other medication, as if I am too stupid to work out that it doesn't work for the other half.
I know they are trying to help me, and I feel like a petulant little child when I point out that I have been doing the "wait and see" approach for over a year

I have nobody to talk to, I can't talk to my family, I have no friends so I just have my GP who is so busy treating people with real problems who actually deserve help so I feel guilty for wasting her time, and my pdoc for medication reviews.

I wish I could believe that it will get better

[Fuzzybear]

oh dear I also am in the uk and also have only been offered medication, for too long, for my severe Depression and Anxiety. For several years, I’ve been allergic to every medication that has been prescribed . Most straight away, a couple not straight away. But the allergic reaction is severe . I’m scared of all meds now :-( And of doctors too for that matter. . So maybe the “petulant little child” is me

I’m sending gentle hugs, I sincerely hope things do get better for you, I also have felt that they don’t credit me with the intelligence I have, talk down to me (Not always and not all of them). But oh well, I suppose I’m not “deserving”

I’m sorry so much of this was “me, me, me” :-(

I too wonder what the “next step” is

I’ve done my own research, and therapy, with a competent therapist does help. Of course, this can be and often is, very difficult to access in the uk

[littleblackdog]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m sorry so much of this was “me, me, me” :-(

I too wonder what the “next step” is

I’ve done my own research, and therapy, with a competent therapist does help. Of course, this can be and often is, very difficult to access in the uk

Don't be sorry - in a weird way it helps to know that other people have also struggled to get any meaningful help from the NHS, although I am very sorry that you have struggled for so long.

When we agreed that CBT wasn't working for me, the (very nice) therapist could only then offer me group therapy but just the thought of having to sit in a room full of strangers and talk about my mental health sent my anxiety through the roof. Plus, the group therapy is also based on CBT so I have no idea why she thought that would work.

The I was given a list of private organisations that offer therapy but the few I tired to contact only offer trauma counselling, or do phone appointments and the combination of talking on the phone, talking about my mental health and talking to a stranger is just too much for me.

*sigh* I am just wasting people's time...

[Nike007]

I understand what you're going through. I have found therapy not that helpful either.

I'm luckily one of the people who have found medication to help me, but the one that did help me suddenly "pooped out" and it tends to help when I increase the dose for like 2 days and then sucks even more afterward.

Sleeping more would help with depression and anxiety. I also find it helps relieves headaches or migraines too. Have you tried sleeping tablets in the past?

Sometimes it is best to lower your workload. I know that not having something to do makes me feel worse, but having too much also makes me feel worse. It's about finding balance.

I'm really sorry... I don't know what to say and feel stupid for saying anything, but wanted you to know we're here for you and you're not alone.