[lost_lonely]

So, here I am. I never thought I'd fall this far, but I have. My life becomes more pointless as each day passes. If I died tonight, not a single soul in this world would probably care, they'd just toss my lifeless corpse in the river like the nothing that I am. And you know what? I don't even care anymore. If they don't care about me, then why should I?
I'm so lonely and empty right now, nothing makes sense to me anymore. Try as I might, I just can't make this life work. I don't understand how things can go from being so good to being so unbearably bad.
I'll just end up in front of the TV again tonight, (like every night) eventually crying myself to sleep in bed alone, wishing that I was dead. Wishing I was happy again, doubting I ever will be.
I feel like yesterday's trash, and maybe I just am.

[Peanut61]

Aawwh, ((((((((((Lost))))))))))...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so badly; I wish words could take it away, but I know they can't. The thing is, that we can't know what tomorrow is going to bring...it could be something good that we can't even imagine or anticipate right now.

It isn't true that noone would miss you though, believe me...but sometimes people in 3D don't know how much we are hurting.

Keep posting, OK? We care about you!!

Warmly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[SS8282]

((((((((((((lonely))))))))))))))))))))) I know how you feel. Many a nights I cried myself to sleep. That is 1 reason why I have sleeping pills. We're here for you. Whenever you feel very lonely, please think of the people here. We may be far away, and 'faceless', but we DO care. Hang in there please.

[darkeyes]

I am so sorry you are having a rough go with things, have you ever considered calling a counselar? Do you see a pdoc?
Many find seeking professional help fruitful, and often a neccessity to help yourself out of the pit of depression.
If you haven't sought out professional help, I encourage you to do so.
Years ago I balked at it, but it saved me from myself, it saved my life literally.

Please take care now,

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[lost_lonely]

(((((((((((SS8282))))))))))))

Thank you, ss. I know how handly sleeping pills can be. Unfortunately, due to lack of insurance I no longer have access to them. I did find an old bottle of ambien in my closet, but after taking four last week, I woke up hours later vomitting. I think it was because they expired a year and three months ago.

[lost_lonely]

The clinic I go to offers free counseling services, darkeyes. I was just there today, just got back a little while ago. I don't think it's making much of a difference, though. Last night I nearly gave up, went to the kitchen and got a knife, intent on sliting my own throat. For whatever reason, I didn't. I don't know what stopped me from ending it all right then and there.
I told the counselor that, and she didn't bat an eye, like it didn't even matter. That just proves what I've said all along. No one gives a damn, not in the real world anyway.
I'm glad some of you do. It helps to ease these feelings a little bit. I want to climb out this situation with my life, escape the darkness in one piece, happy and whole. I just need a reason, and I don't want to do it alone.

[darkeyes]

Is it possible you find another clinic or pdoc to talk with? Sometimes patients and therapists may not click, personality clash, but there are ones out there, try to stop telling yourself "no one gives a damn about you", when people keep telling themselves this, they convince themselves it is the truth but it isn't.
And I can't stress this enough, when you have this suicidal feeling please call a hotline or even a local hospital, you CAN get help, I know, I've been there too.
Please take care, and feel free to hang around, come and chit chat with us, I have found so many caring, compassionate, supportive people here, it is a great place.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[SS8282]

I'm sorry ((((((lost)))))))))))))

I'm glad you realize that we care about you. I hope that every time when you feel you want to give up, you'll think of us, and maybe that'll give you the strength and reason to hang on. Please take care.

[Peanut61]

I think this is a really good site... <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.suicidal.com>http://www.suicidal.com</A>

We are here for you...

Most fondly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Wants2Fly]

Dear Lost_Lonely--

I know those depths of despair myself. This spring, thoroughly researched most painles and most likely to succeed ways to kill myself and was keeping tools at the ready.

Last night, I was gasping, crying, in such pain. Almost no one gets fired by the college I work for -- one or two people a year. But I did.

I dragged myself to an Emotions Anonymous meeting today. Only woman in a room with 4 guys. The meeting didn't have as much structure as AA, not as solution/program focused. I felt like the dragged-out stories would never end.

But then at the end, each of those guys reached out to me in a very genuine, warm, caring way. What compassion did I bring to that room? Or was I too busy with myself and my judgments?

I hope I won't offend by bringing in religion, but I do believe there is a God of love. And though it is hard to believe sometimes, Shim must have created me for a reason. And love me.

And you, too, Lost_Lonely.

I do so hope that you and I and the other suffering souls on this list each finds our peace in our own way.

Please hang on, hang in, find your peace.

[lost_lonely]

Thank you, SS8282. Your kind, supportive words mean so much.

Thanks to everyone else who replied, as well. I appreciate all your kind words, and there are times when it helps, even if you may be "faceless."
At least you're HERE, and you all care enough to even respond. That gesture truly warms my cold, empty heart.

(((((LOST_)))))
First of all, you're SO WRONG...There are many of us here who would miss you; I know it's not the same as real people close enough to give you a real hug, but I care about you, and I know there are many others too.
You're on an exciting journey, and I hope that you will find happiness soon, but first you must find it within you.
Blessings,
Jon