Summary

My crush, my future, trying to plan things out too much. Striking to unreachable peaks, because I am in denial of whatever has happened most of my life ever since I started mental health treatment, as if it was all a lie.

I have a twist of need for help and ego - don’t like being inferior

Being on mental health treatment since teen age has reduced my ability to make independent decisions, which is why I am not fully content with decisions I made in relationships. They’re a chronic problem for me. Unless I have a crush, where I am very capable of talking through the heart and it greatly drives me to live and build a relationship with said person.

Thanks for listening. If someone wants to talk I’d love to

So... a little cozy amidst the cold weather and the heater. I love winter and its cold weather.
I got to think of it, one of my psychological "eureka!"'s, is we love rainy weather in the house because of the feelings of safety we get from the experience

You know, it's rather interesting. I tended to get EUREKA! moments regarding psychology.
You know, people usually get ideas in the shower, about inventions for instance? Well in my case, I once got an EUREKA! in the shower, but about psychology

If it's OK, please share your EUREKA.

I’d love to but I don’t remember it

Could you write them down quickly when you have them? That would make a cool journal!

I seek to make use of such realizations for other people, rather than keep it all for myself, Marla500

Who says you can't write down these realizations and then share them afterwards? Writing down is just a good way not to forget them.

Yep, got that right
I am just tired of keeping inventions to myself. That includes art and music. I ponder how to start sharing them, considering I have a side in me which wants to be known for the works I do

Sounds so similar, (without the treatment part.) I've just hit the bottom of the abyss. The music is cold and unfeeling. The art is wash of shapeless gray. (Yes, I know it will change.)

smh, I am disabled...
I sometimes have no idea if I’ll be able to recover. I know it’s also me who’s stopping the recovery process. For instance, my objections to AD use which I believe to be justified.
I sometimes think it’s best if I put myself to rest. I am just ungrateful of the life I’ve been given. I have this ideal image that my life could be better, and working on that kind of ideal feels damaging to my body... so I end up being on a burnout for quite some time.
Despite all that, the idealization has the bright side of hoping for a brighter and brighter future. But things seem so bleak