Update for those that have wondered

The job that I was at for almost a year ended on a mutual note the end of June. I felt it coming because I had called the "employee hotline" number regarding a couple of sexual harassment issues, and no matter what the higher ups tell you, they don't like the calls.

My stress level has gradually been increasing over the last several months since my last surgery, and going back to work one week later. As usual, it has made my self realize my value lies in what I can do - there is no time to take care of myself.

Fortunately, the next day after this mutual separation occurred, I stopped in where I used to work (a fast food chain for about 2 years) and they told me that they wanted me to come back. Now right before I had my last surgery I had accepted their offer and had been planning to start back there. After the surgery, trying to keep up would have been impossible.

I was astonished. I had called and explained things after my surgery (they had my management shirts in and everything already, waiting on me) but figured I had blown it. Long story short, I had the job again the next day.

This is only my second week back with this franchise. It is a million dollar store and one hour of sales is usually over $1000. I am no longer on salary, paid hourly so I knew that I would have to get a second job.

The DM talked to me on Sunday and told me that they want to control my time and not have to worry about working around another schedule. I agreed (foolishly) to work 60 hours a week (one day off per week). I have to make a certain amount of money to pay the bills here and this does it........a second job would have been basically the same amount of hours but running from one job to another. Now I'm just limping slowly to one.

I am constantly moving, and not slowly either. They have me traveling between locations (and no longer in my town - 45 mins. away). This franchise's territory is not "near" me. My back is in such pain, both of my knees are swelling daily and burning inside, my numb left leg is beyond description. Plus both of my hands can not grasp things tightly and I have extreme pain in them. My doc told me that it is tendonitis in the one hand.

I no longer have insurance.........Cobra is expensive and sucks. I've cut back on my meds to conserve so my mood swings are having a blast.

Then the waiting list that I was on for a psychiatrist (since last April) finally called. I went on the 12th (after my doc asked me to please be nice and cooperate) and saw a pdoc.

He did agree that the abrupt way my former T just cut off all communication with me was wrong and totally against all DBT techniques. He was surprised that I had read Marsha Linehan's book in it's entirety - asked my opinion actually.

The best thing is that he gave me some samples of my meds so I am back up to where I am supposed to be. I have agreed to go back in a few weeks.......but I also told him point blank that the odds of him getting below my surface is slim to none, esp. after what happened with my former T.

With all this and the 60 hours of work, my mind and body are giving out on me. I am never home and hurt so badly when I do get back, that I just want to lay down and can't........because everyone here wants me to do something for them.

I see my doc tomorrow again about my left hand, going to mention my knees to him, and my back.........I applied for assistance with my medical bills, and those lovely people told me I make too much, but may be eligible only for this month.....so I'm trying to fit everything in that I can.

[phew] Sorry for such a long post, and thanks to all that actually read all the way through...........

Back to my blanket........



Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

Mary Alice,

Thanks for updating us. I wish I had some brilliant advice to offer, but I'm at a loss. Just know that you are in my thoughts.

*hugs*
Jo

<font color=green> If she spins fast enough then maybe the broken pieces of her heart will stay together, but even a gyroscope can't spin forever</font color=green>

Hi ((((((((((((((((((Mary Alice))))))))))))))))))))... I had read that you had secured a new job right away, (YEAY YOU!! ), but wasn't sure about the rest.

I wish you didn't have all of this physical pain, though ...

Thanks for updating!

XOXO, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Im so sorry my darling mary alice..

Can I lay down with you and maybe we can both just disapper to a safe place where no one can findme you jessica and alex ????????????????????

Just a question?????

I am not in as much pain as you are, but lady, I am sorry.. I wish I could do something to helpyou .. I truly do..
Are there no outreach health clincis you can do to???

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

THat, in itself, is alot.......thanks, Jo.

xoxoxo

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

{{{{{{{{{{Jill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Working as a manager in fast food means alot of running around, lifting, etc. - something my body is strenously objecting to.

Thanks for your concern.

xoxox

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

If I lay down for myself, hun, I won't care about getting back up...........for you though that would be different.

There is one Health Clinic here in town, and they are booked through August. I am getting to the doctor, but the meds will be the problem. This new pdoc gave me samples of my Depakote, and the other one of the Neurontin for my leg.

I was so disgusted yesterday......grateful, but embarassed. I had him and Alex go to Salvation Army and one food pantry so we'd have something in the house. I can eat at work for free, so I do once a day.........but I can't take food home very much. They came back with some things and also some non food necessities too, like toliet paper......lol.


Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

(((((Mary Alice)))))
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You are too wonderful of a person to be experiencing this much pain. You are in my thoughts and I hope things will start to look up for you soon.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

well at least they can get that sort of stuff there too..

I wish I had extra things I could send you

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

Well thank you, Jessica. I appreciate the compliment very much..........and after reading many of your posts, I feel the same about you - you have a lot of inner strength.




Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

(((((((((((((Mary Alice)))))))))))))))

Wow hun....you have and are going through so much. I have so much admiration for you. I wish I had half your strength to get through.....lend me some will you? or even a snuggle under that blankie of yours.

Love you xoxo


Heather

{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}} glad to see you!

It's not strength,it's the fear that if I collapse for too long, hubby will come along and kick me till I get back up plus whine the whole time........

I am completely depleted of inner reserves so it's just a show. How are you doing? Been worried about you, you know.

You're always welcome with the blankie snuggle. Moral support.

Please take care of yourself as well.

xoxox

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

Mary Alice,
Aww thank you. That is very sweet.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

i've been in a similar situation... i feel your pain immensely. i hope that you come out of this soon and things work out for you-- soon soon soon.

i wish i could help :/

(((((((big big hugs)))))))

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy
xoxox

Hello -- I'm not someone you know on this forum, but wow, your story makes me feel blessed like the man who lives in a partially boarded up house on my block. That's a lot of weight for anyone to carry.

Hugs from another someone who cares.

{{{{{{{{Ghost}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, I hope so too. Today didn't go too well.




Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

i am sorry things arent going better for you. seems like there is always another brick added to the load when you least need it. i hope that seeing alot of people post here helps you in some way. and in that same thought, that my post is one more brick of support for ya. good luck.

there are times when you just have to warn the crowd. take the kitchen knife offered by the kid, and wait for dinner!

{{{{{{{Lost}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks. It always helps to know that I'm not completely alone on the edge of my limb, which overhangs the cliff.

It just feels like someone keeps jumping on that limb and laughing. grrrrrr

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

let's BOTH home that today is a better day.

(((((((((planningtoexist))))))))))

ghost

whether you know it or not you do have guts. You are surviving when you could be huddled in a ball under the covers. you are taking steps. It really is horrid that life is so cruel sometimes. You will get through and beyond this too. Good job using local resources. Keep plugging away.

{{{{{{{Wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}

I asked my supervisors to have two days off a week, and work 12 hours per day/5 days a week instead of 10/6. I need more down time and I need to be at home.

They told me they'd think about it and try to work something out, but "we can't guarantee it". Next week I have to drive 45 mins. for a 4 hour shift. What a waste of my gasoline and time......grrrrrrr.

Sooooooooo, next week I have an interview Thursday here in town and on the 27th I have one with a restaurant for being a General Manager like I am used to. I'm tired of working 60 hours a week hourly for what I used to do in 45-50 on salary.

Now I feel guilty that I'm even doing this - like I'm doing something bad behind their backs. Geez, you'd think I was 6 years old or something.

If I huddled under my covers like I would do if I was alone, the bills wouldn't get paid and my son would have no home........so, I really have no choice. If I was alone, no one would ever see me.

Btw, hope you are doing well, and thanks for responding.



Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt