I always wondered about this...

This doesn't have to do with the rape I dealt with at 16 (even though it was not violent at the time...) He knew I didn't want to, and threatened me with it, he was abusive as well.

But anways- this post isn't about that.

Is it considered rape when someone bugs you and hassles you for sex, even though you tell them you don't want to, aren't up for it and give in to get them to stop?

Hmmm - based on the term of RAPE.... I would have to say no, that it was not.
But I can say that you were violated in the sense that another person pressured you into some thing you did not want - assuming that both parties involved here were adults, over 18 years old.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

What is described sounds more like "sexual harrassment"
I believe RAPE is an actual physical event that has occured.

My question is ... does RAPE mean intercourse has happened or can it be anything sexually that has taken place against your will?

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Twisted_Soul said:
My question is ... does RAPE mean intercourse has happened or can it be anything sexually that has taken place against your will?

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RAPE.... means: that sexual intercourse has actually taken place, without permission.

MOLEST.... means: unwanted sexual touch of ones sexual body parts.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

oh it was unwanted sex at the time (happened multiple times actually) the reason this has been bothering me tonight and i'm asking the WHAT IF's is because I was triggered earlier and this was the times that it reminded me of.

Someone mentioned to me that It's coercion.

My r@pe was similar but different.
This is a short form of it...

Here's my r@pe story it took me a long time to tell it as I was unsure what it was at the time.


Mine was not a violent r@pe..but here it is...



I was raped by my ex boyfriend in 1996. I never thought of it that way at all, because it wasn't violent.

I was scared of him, he was abusive and did threaten to rape me a few times throughout our relationship saying he could if he wanted too etc..

I think he did that day, with the threats. I told him "you know I don't want to" and he did it anyways, he didn't throw me around, didn't push me around etc, but I still didn't want it.

It took me a very long time to realize what I went through was indeed rape. My psychiatrist and people from other forums kept telling me yes it is, you were raped. It took me a long time to except it.

So that is what happened to me

I am sorry what your ex boyfriend did to you. The violation that it causes is something that is hard to overcome. Please let yourself heal. Don't let anyone minimize the experience for you including yourself.

Hard stuff. Coming to terms with relationship and sexual abuse is difficult. Women I talk to have all kinds of rationalizations running around in their heads to exuse their partner's unexcusable behavior.

For me, if you weren't respected, you were abused. The legal definition of rape is much narrower than mine.....
)))))))) ) ))) sundance (((((((( ((( bumpies for you

((((((((((((Sundance))))))))))))

Thanks for the replies.

I know what the ex did to me (the actual boyfriend) was rape, he was abusive and threatened me many times with it.

The "relationship" with that one guy was where I have questions. I don't know why all these yrs it's coming up and i'm wondering about it. I guess trigger's can do that sometimes...

More people then not are telling me that it was rape.
I guess I am just trying to figure it out myself.
Or maybe I don't want to hear definition's for what he did, cause one rape is enough, you know what I mean ... even though what the ex did wasn't violent etc at the time, but he as, does that make sense?

The other guy used me basically as his sex toy, I never got any enjoyment really out of intercourse with him, I just laid there.

He didn't have any respect for me, one time during he triggered my by pushing my head down and I ended it after that night.

Blah.

Sorry for rambling.

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sundance said:
Is it considered rape when someone bugs you and hassles you for sex, even though you tell them you don't want to, aren't up for it and give in to get them to stop? [/I]

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It may or may not be considered raped. To determine if so, you'd have to define what "give in" means. Did you ultimately consent? Or, did you just not fight back?

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sundance said:
Blah.

Sorry for rambling.

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((((huggs))))) sounds like you are dealing with a lot! you aren't rambling. it takes courage to face this stuff. it's confusing. it's overwhelming at times. keep up the good work! try not to get stuck in the bad memories. you deserve to be happy. try to do something nice for you, treat yourself.

I don't want to say I consented, more submitted to get him to stop...

I didn't fight back either. Just... took it and dreaded it. I guess.

Thanks..

Yeah I never really questioned it until last night.
I dealt with rape before back when I was in an abusive relationship, but this past situation is iffy, and it SUCKS! I hate sometimes not having the answers I want so I can just put it behind me and say ok I dealt with it. but know knowing I guess is preventing me, why all of a sudden? I don't intirely know why.

He admits to treating me like crap, he apologized... oi........

I don't know.

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Is it considered rape when someone bugs you and hassles you for sex, even though you tell them you don't want to, aren't up for it and give in to get them to stop?

according to my therapist that I told the same thing to it is rape

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^^^^

Was told this today...

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sundance said:
I don't want to say I consented, more submitted to get him to stop...

I didn't fight back either. Just... took it and dreaded it. I guess.

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If you did not consent, then it definitely was rape. Also, if you consented and later said no or stop but he didn't stop, that too is considered rape.

check out RAINN's definition of "rape"

You may also want to check out RAINN's featured articles

I never fought back, either. That's called fear.

According to this article, "Consent is an action, not the lack of response. Consent is an active response; it is not silence."

I hope this info helps.

Thank you for the links. More I read up on it the more I realize that the abusive ex did in fact rape me, he used threats of rape etc.

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"Coercive persuasion attempts to force people to change beliefs, ideas, attitudes or behaviors using psychological pressure, undue influence, threats, anxiety, intimidation and/or stress.

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I don't know if that could refer to what happened in this post with that guy a few times or not.

This is interesting too.

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There is a very long list of misconceptions about rape, sex and consent, so let's try to dispell some of the myths. Advocates often hear the following statements. And survivors are surprised to learn that these circumstances do not qualify as consent.

There's no DNA evidence.
I didn't scream for help.
He's my boyfriend.
I was drunk.
I let him in my room.
I persuaded him to use a condom.
My body responded.
I don't have injuries, or skin under my fingernails, to prove that I resisted.
There were no witnesses. It's his word against mine.

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and this:

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Note to men: be very careful when initiating sex with any woman. If she doesn't say 'yes', you could be facing a rape charge. Remember these facts. Ignorance of the law is not a defense. Silence is not consent. And no means NO.

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Bookmarking these.

anxiety ridden ahhh.

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sundance said:
anxiety ridden ahhh.

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maybe take a break and do something fun?

I just want a yes or no answer, so I can put it behind me.

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sundance said:
I hate sometimes not having the answers I want so I can just put it behind me and say ok I dealt with it.

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Do you know the answers you "want?"

After doing alot of research, I think it's the answer that I don't want...

knowledge is power
you'll be stronger
you're not alone

thanks hon, i think i have my answer.
just not a good one.

I understand the need for the actual word, i say allow yourself to use any that you want, and maybe date R*pe feels more like it...but to me i just wish this bad thing had not happened to you, but I understand the need for closure by having the "right" word. I have had simmilar problem PM if need to.

Rachel

it's so confusing cause rape isn't about the sex act, it's about the power over thing.... I'm encouraged by posts that show the cultural definition is catching up with mine!!

How a guy can tell himself it's not rape if he coerces you to submit so he won't rape you....... what does that even mean? "Ya want it easy or ya want it hard?"??? That is not a choice. Godd help me, I just don't understand how they rationalize that one....