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#1
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Idk really what it is. I think it's a fear over the future
All my life I've felt as if I was slightly different and thus separated from groups, I've always been in social groups but on the edge of the circle, the first to leave and forever the most 'boring'. I struggle to keep conversations going as I see the conversation lead into topics which would expose my deeper feelings; this I don't want. I've often rejected the idea that I had some sort of depression, brushed it aside as just mere sad spells of emotion, but recently it's become to constant to ignore. But I still don't know if it or not and afraid to go to a therapist and get given horrible anti depressents (which in my opinion don't work. They suppress the problem not solve it) Now I'm at a cross roads; people my age, 22, are getting on in life they have stability and they know what they're doing and where they're headed, somewhat. Yet I, regarded as the intellectual of my latest group, don't have any sort of idea. See I ****ed my life up a few years ago when I decided not to go into the navy and instead do drugs! I've weend off 90% of them and have a good regime for drug taking now. But I don't know what to do! The job I have sadens and frustrates me, although it's well paying. I don't have any motives for work; I want to go into the woods all day and play I want to explore and adventure without the need for money to actually go somewhere. I feel like no job could give me any sort of satisfaction and in fact the only thing that would is the release from a reality bound by one perspective of time. I don't think death is the end; I think it's the adulthood of the pyche and once we no longer have bodies to attach to we can explore all sorts of dimensions and universes. That's what I want to do. Completely and totally that is all I want too do. I want to die. Last edited by Anonymous59786; Feb 20, 2018 at 01:12 PM. Reason: added trigger |
![]() Anonymous50909, Anonymous50909, Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, Skeezyks, sky457, whoamihere, Wild Coyote
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![]() Wild Coyote
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#2
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Most of us would prefer to "explore and adventure without the need for money." Yet, we have to pay the bills. I think you could get a lot out of exploring with a therapist. You have the capacity for insight, which helps in therapy. If you find the idea of "kinda wanna die' overwhelming and you need immediate help, please see the "resources" section or -- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call: 1-800-273-8255 Online: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org Please keep posting. ![]() Oh and welcome to PC! ![]() ![]() WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
#3
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Cheers bro I plan too |
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#5
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Hello Sweezi: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!
![]() ![]() To me what you describe sounds similar to what is referred to as "existential depression". Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives by our host, Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject: https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is...al-depression/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping...al-depression/ I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. ![]() https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/ There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. ![]() ![]()
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
#6
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![]() And thanks ![]() |
![]() sky457
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#7
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Just read the existential depression post and it's brought me some reassurement as I think that might be what it is.
However it think it spurs from the general consensus on controversial topics and their inability to listen to opinions they haven't heard before unless it's widely accepted I don't really question what or who I am but I do question others |
#8
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Update for anyone who'd care to read:
I've found motivation in my learning and inspiration to share that learning with others, like a preacher ![]() The work I'm doing is still a bit soul destroying but what job isn't and it's a neccassary role to play until money crashes under debt. To be honest, since I've named what this is it has become much easier to battle it, I've sort of personified the feeling into a mental demon; which is then possible to beat. And as the feeling lowers I feel myself returning back to normality, my confidence is slightly higher I predict it too go higher. It does still haunt me though and I fear it'll never fully leave but oh well as long as I can beat it when it does turn up ![]() |
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