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  #1  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 12:56 PM
Sweezi Sweezi is offline
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Idk really what it is. I think it's a fear over the future

All my life I've felt as if I was slightly different and thus separated from groups, I've always been in social groups but on the edge of the circle, the first to leave and forever the most 'boring'. I struggle to keep conversations going as I see the conversation lead into topics which would expose my deeper feelings; this I don't want.

I've often rejected the idea that I had some sort of depression, brushed it aside as just mere sad spells of emotion, but recently it's become to constant to ignore. But I still don't know if it or not and afraid to go to a therapist and get given horrible anti depressents (which in my opinion don't work. They suppress the problem not solve it)

Now I'm at a cross roads; people my age, 22, are getting on in life they have stability and they know what they're doing and where they're headed, somewhat. Yet I, regarded as the intellectual of my latest group, don't have any sort of idea. See I ****ed my life up a few years ago when I decided not to go into the navy and instead do drugs! I've weend off 90% of them and have a good regime for drug taking now.

But I don't know what to do! The job I have sadens and frustrates me, although it's well paying. I don't have any motives for work; I want to go into the woods all day and play I want to explore and adventure without the need for money to actually go somewhere. I feel like no job could give me any sort of satisfaction and in fact the only thing that would is the release from a reality bound by one perspective of time.

I don't think death is the end; I think it's the adulthood of the pyche and once we no longer have bodies to attach to we can explore all sorts of dimensions and universes. That's what I want to do. Completely and totally that is all I want too do. I want to die.

Last edited by Anonymous59786; Feb 20, 2018 at 01:12 PM. Reason: added trigger
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Wild Coyote

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  #2  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 01:54 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweezi View Post
Idk really what it is. I think it's a fear over the future

All my life I've felt as if I was slightly different and thus separated from groups, I've always been in social groups but on the edge of the circle, the first to leave and forever the most 'boring'. I struggle to keep conversations going as I see the conversation lead into topics which would expose my deeper feelings; this I don't want.

I've often rejected the idea that I had some sort of depression, brushed it aside as just mere sad spells of emotion, but recently it's become to constant to ignore. But I still don't know if it or not and afraid to go to a therapist and get given horrible anti depressents (which in my opinion don't work. They suppress the problem not solve it)

Now I'm at a cross roads; people my age, 22, are getting on in life they have stability and they know what they're doing and where they're headed, somewhat. Yet I, regarded as the intellectual of my latest group, don't have any sort of idea. See I ****ed my life up a few years ago when I decided not to go into the navy and instead do drugs! I've weend off 90% of them and have a good regime for drug taking now.

But I don't know what to do! The job I have sadens and frustrates me, although it's well paying. I don't have any motives for work; I want to go into the woods all day and play I want to explore and adventure without the need for money to actually go somewhere. I feel like no job could give me any sort of satisfaction and in fact the only thing that would is the release from a reality bound by one perspective of time.

I don't think death is the end; I think it's the adulthood of the pyche and once we no longer have bodies to attach to we can explore all sorts of dimensions and universes. That's what I want to do. Completely and totally that is all I want too do. I want to die.
Some of this sounds like depression. You can go to a therapist to sort this out, without taking meds.
Most of us would prefer to "explore and adventure without the need for money." Yet, we have to pay the bills.

I think you could get a lot out of exploring with a therapist. You have the capacity for insight, which helps in therapy.

If you find the idea of "kinda wanna die' overwhelming and you need immediate help, please see the "resources" section or --

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call: 1-800-273-8255

Online: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Please keep posting.

Oh and welcome to PC!


WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
  #3  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 03:30 PM
Sweezi Sweezi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
.
Most of us would prefer to "explore and adventure without the need for money." Yet, we have to pay the bills.
That partly frustrates me as well, I hate that we live in a world so dependent on money. It's a good strategy for rapid progression but awful for long term sustainability; I feel we are at a point now where we can start to come off money and become something more archaic... but that'll never happen, we're too greedy and money is too tempting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
Please keep posting.

Oh and welcome to PC!


WC
Cheers bro I plan too
  #4  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 07:05 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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  #5  
Old Feb 20, 2018, 08:06 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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Hello Sweezi: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

To me what you describe sounds similar to what is referred to as "existential depression". Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives by our host, Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is...al-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping...al-depression/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
  #6  
Old Feb 21, 2018, 03:39 AM
Sweezi Sweezi is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: GB
Posts: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello Sweezi: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I kinda wanna die... I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

To me what you describe sounds similar to what is referred to as "existential depression". Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives by our host, Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject:

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!
Existential depression... sounds like that could be it; I'll have a read through that topic thank you

And thanks this forum so far seems to be really great
Hugs from:
sky457
  #7  
Old Feb 21, 2018, 04:07 AM
Sweezi Sweezi is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: GB
Posts: 5
Just read the existential depression post and it's brought me some reassurement as I think that might be what it is.

However it think it spurs from the general consensus on controversial topics and their inability to listen to opinions they haven't heard before unless it's widely accepted

I don't really question what or who I am but I do question others
  #8  
Old Mar 05, 2018, 09:16 AM
Sweezi Sweezi is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: GB
Posts: 5
Update for anyone who'd care to read:
I've found motivation in my learning and inspiration to share that learning with others, like a preacher but only to those who have the capacity to actually listen, not just hear.
The work I'm doing is still a bit soul destroying but what job isn't and it's a neccassary role to play until money crashes under debt.

To be honest, since I've named what this is it has become much easier to battle it, I've sort of personified the feeling into a mental demon; which is then possible to beat.

And as the feeling lowers I feel myself returning back to normality, my confidence is slightly higher I predict it too go higher. It does still haunt me though and I fear it'll never fully leave but oh well as long as I can beat it when it does turn up I kinda wanna die... accompanying this is a feeling of what I can only describe as 'great importance' but not for myself, for the human race.
  #9  
Old Mar 05, 2018, 10:18 PM
Anonymous50987
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweezi View Post
Idk really what it is. I think it's a fear over the future

All my life I've felt as if I was slightly different and thus separated from groups, I've always been in social groups but on the edge of the circle, the first to leave and forever the most 'boring'. I struggle to keep conversations going as I see the conversation lead into topics which would expose my deeper feelings; this I don't want.

I've often rejected the idea that I had some sort of depression, brushed it aside as just mere sad spells of emotion, but recently it's become to constant to ignore. But I still don't know if it or not and afraid to go to a therapist and get given horrible anti depressents (which in my opinion don't work. They suppress the problem not solve it)

Now I'm at a cross roads; people my age, 22, are getting on in life they have stability and they know what they're doing and where they're headed, somewhat. Yet I, regarded as the intellectual of my latest group, don't have any sort of idea. See I ****ed my life up a few years ago when I decided not to go into the navy and instead do drugs! I've weend off 90% of them and have a good regime for drug taking now.

But I don't know what to do! The job I have sadens and frustrates me, although it's well paying. I don't have any motives for work; I want to go into the woods all day and play I want to explore and adventure without the need for money to actually go somewhere. I feel like no job could give me any sort of satisfaction and in fact the only thing that would is the release from a reality bound by one perspective of time.

I don't think death is the end; I think it's the adulthood of the pyche and once we no longer have bodies to attach to we can explore all sorts of dimensions and universes. That's what I want to do. Completely and totally that is all I want too do. I want to die.
There are natural supplements which have anti-depressant effects, such as Saffron. Stability is not that great either. I hope you will find comfort in life
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