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  #1  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 08:56 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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I just took a 5mg valium..i want to tell the story of my mental illness...

I am a retired medical doctor/md...I am a board certified psychiatrist..
at age 84 I need to tell my story...I am getting close to death..
I want/need to come out of my rock shelter now...

I am still depressed and need help....and I want to help others..
there is so much awful depression out there...I feel kind of stupid and ridiculous....I have not suffered as much as many of my patients
and friends who finally killed themselves...they were patients
but they were my friends...

to be continued...I am sad and angry and fearful...
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  #2  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 09:00 AM
exasper8ed exasper8ed is offline
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I am intrigued and, as you know better than anyone, you are not alone. I encourage you to tell your story from your unique perspective. If you confess from the standpoint of trying to help others (in my case dealing with someone afflicted with deep deep anger), then I think you will find value and provide value. I will be waiting for your continued memo little turtle.
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  #3  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 09:01 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((( little turtle )))))))))))
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  #4  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 05:58 PM
DayAtATime1 DayAtATime1 is offline
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I think you'd be an excellent resource for all of us here on PC. Do you get any lift in mood when you post here? I didn't post here for over a year after joining (too depressed->no motivation). But I have to say after making a few posts today I feel a little better. Like maybe something I might say to somebody some day will prove useful. That would ignite a spark of purpose in my dull life...
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  #5  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 06:13 PM
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BrazenApogee BrazenApogee is offline
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Hi Little Turtle.
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  #6  
Old Apr 28, 2016, 06:33 PM
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elevatedsoul elevatedsoul is offline
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when you work in that field, especially for so long, you are bound to have certain things affect you... even if they dont affect you at the time (back then) it catches up to you i think..

take a gander at this article..
Burnout in psychiatrists

dont feel guilty about the past..
dont feel guilty about being in this position now...
you have done many things in your life and now you are reflecting...
you have been there for many people, and did try to help the best that you could (and employers would allow - protocols and everything..)

you deserve time to relax and take a load off... this time is for you, you deserve to feel well - we all do.. even though sometimes we feel that no, we deserve to be miserable...

try some breathing exercises and put images of things that you find beautiful in your mind... to fill your mind so that there is no room for the negatives...

valium is wonderful, it can relax us - but when we ruminate it cant clear the depressive feelings...

we care about you, thanks for everything that you have done here and there
your achievements are truly acknowledgeable and admirable, your dedication to get through the things you did is inspiring, and i hope that you can find an ounce of relief in hearing someone acknowledge these things.. your contributions are desrving of respect, i dont know if anyone gives you that respect you deserve..
heres to walking the lonely road together
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  #7  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 05:28 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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oh my god you are all so kind....I am so happy that we can be together here...and share our experiences...and help each other....you are my friends....we are all equal ...I am a human being again...

I hate the way the psychiatric system is so arrogant and greedy...
we who are sick want help but we want to be valued and loved...
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  #8  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 07:23 AM
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winter4me winter4me is offline
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Do continue. Please.
I also am here as a person with mental illness, and an RN whose first & last love is psychiatric nursing...no longer working in the field but always on my mind...at 63, I find myself waking up in the past too often...
trying to find a creative way to use the images, the memories...
I think your sharing would be invaluable.
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/ the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris


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  #9  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 08:24 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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I feel so sad for my patients...they suffered so much...and I continue to be angry at those in charge who indirectly abused my patients...you need to see them every 15 minutes....they were killing my patients and me...it was wrong..i refused to do it...that was at the mental health clinic...

but I did wrong when I brokedown in private practice...I never told my patients what was really going on.....I didn't talk to them about the truth....and I am very sorry for that...
now I am interested in the truth...and talking about the truth...and having the courage
to tell it the way it is....

one good thing I did....I didn't see drug reps....I didn't like the drug companies and i still don't like them...they cheat and lie and hurt us...they are very deceptive and slick
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  #10  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 12:33 PM
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elevatedsoul elevatedsoul is offline
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drug reps are car sales mans of the medical world...
they say we get a brand new fancy sports car with superb gas mileage and safety features but what we really get is a rundown old piece of junk that will inevitably break down on us and possibly cause our death...

i read somewhere before that only when the medical world changes its views and ways to treat the causes of the symptoms will these things improve... instead of treating the symptoms that keep the cause of the symptoms alive...
but its not all of their faults, some are just truly oblivious to it.. not realizing what is going on... and they think they are doing really good helping people, but unable to see that they are just keeping the rich men happy by making them money with their drugs and expensive medical treatments...

one day we will rectify the world of health care, if we dont destroy ourselves first
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  #11  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 12:57 PM
exasper8ed exasper8ed is offline
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Little turtle, what do you think is the single most effective treatment or action that an individual can employ to acquire a healthy mental disposition. I gather it is not medication. I am thinking religion? Exercise? Social activity? Therapy?
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  #12  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 01:42 PM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exasper8ed View Post
Little turtle, what do you think is the single most effective treatment or action that an individual can employ to acquire a healthy mental disposition. I gather it is not medication. I am thinking religion? Exercise? Social activity? Therapy?
everything.....whatever works for you....including the kitchen sink..
you need to be physically healthy for sure..
and maybe love tops it all...
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  #13  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 01:51 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Welcome little turtle.

You have carried a lot on your back....now it is time for you to care for little turtle and do some sun bathing. Be gentle with yourself and know that you did the best you could while you worked. It's rare to find a pdoc who saw the drug reps for what they are. You are not alone here there'res many from the medical field here, this is a safe place to share without judgement.
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  #14  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 01:59 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Maybe love tops it all, I think so too

(If "they" can't even love then wtf are "they" doing trying to "get inside our minds" DISCLAIMER this is not about anyone on PC...

Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
everything.....whatever works for you....including the kitchen sink..
you need to be physically healthy for sure..
and maybe love tops it all...
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  #15  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 10:43 PM
exasper8ed exasper8ed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
everything.....whatever works for you....including the kitchen sink..
you need to be physically healthy for sure..
and maybe love tops it all...
You have nailed it! Love does top it all!! I have been thinking about that response all day long. Love trumps everything little turtle and I never realized it until you mentioned it. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. Please continue to provide your thoughts about the practice of psychiatry.
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  #16  
Old Apr 29, 2016, 10:53 PM
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elevatedsoul elevatedsoul is offline
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love love love love
the world has much hate!
what we need is learn to relate
something we do is debate
all we learn is to rebate
cant we just stop such slate?
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  #17  
Old Apr 30, 2016, 07:15 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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please be careful ....some psychiatrists are loving...and some psychiatrists are hateful...
some will see you as a disease...some will see you as a person...you must find out for yourself.....check your psychiatrist out...

there is so much anger and hatred in the world....

Last edited by little turtle; Apr 30, 2016 at 10:31 AM.
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  #18  
Old Apr 30, 2016, 09:23 PM
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BrazenApogee BrazenApogee is offline
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I hate being an it, a thing. I wish I was a person not a history and a diagnosis.
I'm glad your sharing little turtle.
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  #19  
Old May 03, 2016, 07:23 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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one of my jobs was seeing medical students that were having trouble with depression..
many students came for help.....my time was limited....I asked for someone to help me
talk with the students....the chairman told me that the solution to my problem was to talk less and use more drugs....
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  #20  
Old May 03, 2016, 09:19 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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I can no longer tolerate the psychiatry system that values $$$$$$$$$$$ over people..
I am going to speak up...I am not going to remain quiet any longer...
when I was quiet I was a SLAVE to the system...I want change...non-violent change..
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  #21  
Old May 03, 2016, 10:26 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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I have found for myself that I am better off crying/screaming/yelling/swearing/complaining...
when I keep it in I am more depressed...
I have seen so many others suffer so much...
we need to help each other with our suffering...
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  #22  
Old May 03, 2016, 10:31 AM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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You know that old saying....anger turned inward causes depression

I don't quite believe it's that way. I think it's all emotions repressed and turned inward all contribute to depression but they don't cause it

So yeah, crying, shouting, laughing....getting emotions out, that's good, sharing those emotions...even better.
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  #23  
Old May 03, 2016, 10:48 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
You know that old saying....anger turned inward causes depression

I don't quite believe it's that way. I think it's all emotions repressed and turned inward all contribute to depression but they don't cause it

So yeah, crying, shouting, laughing....getting emotions out, that's good, sharing those emotions...even better.
I worked in a state hospital...they used to say the quiet ones never went home..i dont know if this is true but I will throw it out there...
laughing ----I am glad that you said that
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  #24  
Old May 03, 2016, 10:57 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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That's so sad if it's true, I can quite imagine it might be.

And they over use drugs to keep them "quiet"

I agree, with letting emotions out, it's much healthier

Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle View Post
I worked in a state hospital...they used to say the quiet ones never went home..i dont know if this is true but I will throw it out there...
laughing ----I am glad that you said that
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  #25  
Old May 03, 2016, 11:01 AM
little turtle little turtle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
That's so sad if it's true, I can quite imagine it might be.

And they over use drugs to keep them "quiet"

I agree, with letting emotions out, it's much healthier
fuzzy my celexa keeps me quiet...no tears...no sex
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