very overwhelmed right now...

I don't even know what to say.

I'm so upset and angry all the time. I know that its probably just with myself .. but i can't seem to make it go away. I'm not motivated to do anything (which doens't help me with my midterms for tomorrow), and I just want to cry, or physically hurt something ... or myself

I hate where i am right now. All i can think about is where i'd rather be, with the people who i need right now. Unfortunately i'm pretty sure i scared those people pretty good this time with all the talk of SI and me being needy. But I am - needy that is. Or at least thats how i feel.

I grew up watching the Sound of Music, and right now, thats the only thing that can comfort me - a silly musical. Last night i kept watching certain parts over again ... mostly though, just when Julie Andrews was acting "motherly" to the children. Growing up I always wanted someone like her in my life.

How horrible am I? I have a mother, and i'm just being ungrateful. I keep trying to find people to "fill that void" that should be filled by her. That could probably be filled by her ... if only ... if only i wasn't so .. horrible. This is all my fault...

I'm sorry. I've been seriously over-posting lately. Things are just pretty overwhelming right now. ... I'm so sorry...

(((((((((((( jacq )))))))))))))

Horrible? Come on, we all here have mood disorders, which will bite fiercely or retreat temporarily from time to time. And that is a nasty pain in the neck, but we are vistims, it's NOT our fault, never.

No but this IS my fault. It's me who's always looking for someone else, always fighting for attention, hurting myself. No one else is doing this to me. It's my choice. I'm the one who pushes myself away from my mother, and is constantly, constantly, looking for and wishing for that love from other people. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to feel better.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((jacq)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You are not a horrible person. Maybe you can explore more the relationship between you and your mother with your t? Maybe it is something you can develope now if both of you want to make it grow. I am sorry about your distress right now. Please take care.

BB

(((((((BB))))))))
I actually don't have a T right now ... I'm thinking about seeing if i can get one again though. Thanks for the hugs and kind thoughts.

please take care jacq... please don't feel bad for feeling bad... it will only mske the hole deeper, un-necessarily deeper... you need no justification for your feelings... they are there... process, rather than ignore... take your time with it... loving patience with yourself is what you need... sending good wishes

((((((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))
Thank you ....

(((((((((jacq10)))))))))))

hope you are better today sweetheart

((((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))
I am a little bit thanks Today's the one day a week I get to do something for myself (Ringette - kind of like hockey incase you don't know) and it ALWAYS makes me feel better.
hope you're OK too.

yay ! thinking of you... enjoy it to the fullest so it may comfort you ... i am up and down still.. sending the best... ((((((((((((jacq10)))))))))))))