Overwhelmed

Everything hurts...
I am nothing, it's something I've been telling myself since I was 13 years old, you think I would get it by now.
I don't have any energy anymore...
My moods change constantly, I'm up I'm down
It took me 30 minutes to get out of bed, I just keep staring at the hole in my wall, the one I caused because I got angry..and I can't rember why I got angry but I know it was triggered by my time confusion and memory issues.
While I was staring at the hole in my wall I was slammed with this overwhelming of worthlessness, of sadness, of guilt.
I don't understand any of this anymore, all I want to do is cry and scream.
But here in the next thirty minutes I'll feel something entirely diffrent..
Someone help me understand...

Hi Silver, I am so sorry that you are feeling so much distress. I think that it would be helpful if you had a therapist to help you with all of this.

Hi you (((((((((Silver))))))))))))

Now why would you think you're nothing? I think you're something! I think you're pretty special- you've been there to support me and many other people here too.

Do these mood swings happen regularly? Perhaps you should call T or a doctor to keep yourself safe and sane ... I know talking it out with someone can usually help.

Please be safe, ok? You're important even if you don't think you are.

Hi Sparrow,

I know exactly how you're feeling, you should look into a therapist or a counselor to talk with it will help you to understand that you're not alone and that there are many others that feel the same way. If you get a therapist ask them about a partial hospital plan, there you would be in a group and hear what helps them through tough times, and learn about depression more. Try to find support groups in your area for women, they may not be for depression, but someone in group finds it helpful.

You are worth a million and you need to stop that evil thinking, and try to thing of the positive things. Keep posting!

((((((((((((Silversparrow))))))))))))))
I am sorry you are feeling this way, I know how the emotional rollercoaster goes- it sucks but you have your friends here at PC to help you through. PM anytime if you want to talk.

(((((((((((((( Silversparrow ))))))))))))))))
PM me any time, I care about you!
love
Fuzzy

((((((((Sannah))))))) ((((((((Christina))))))) (((((((DOWNINNATTICK)))))
((((((Purple))))))) (((((((Fuzzy)))))))

Thank you all for your responses they mean so much..I don't know how I would deal without ya'lls support and understanding, feeling a bit calmer now, keep switching back and forth between moods, I've just been trying to keep myself busy until time to go to work, which it is almost time to go to work, I have such a perfected mask for the public, happy carefree laughing, if only I could really feel that way with out it being a lie, those feelings are so distant..

I keep trying to get into the doctor, but I can't get an answer, my parents told me I was going to the doctor wether I like it or not and that they personal would take me even if I was kicking and screaming, they said they would take matters into their own hands if I didn't make an appointment by the end of the week....

I'm just so lost, I use to have a map but I lost it somewhere I had all the answers at onepoint, I was better all on my own, what happend??
All it took was a pile of repressed memories brought on by one trigger...that is all it took one little trigger back in January and I lost it all...

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Silversparrow said:
I have such a perfected mask for the public, happy carefree laughing, if only I could really feel that way with out it being a lie, those feelings are so distant..

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If you can get into therapy you can work through these things, learn what you haven't yet, etc. and then throw away that mask and it will no longer be a lie

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Silversparrow said:
I'm just so lost, I use to have a map but I lost it somewhere I had all the answers at onepoint, I was better all on my own, what happend??

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You didn't have all the answers. You had yourself under control but you weren't healed. It is much easier to heal and then you don't have to keep that iron control in order to function. You cannot sit on top of a volcano and worry everyday if it is going to erupt.

I wish you didn't feel like that... but i can relate to it. At times i feel the same way and i never even know why.