[whisperingskye]

I am not ok. I know this to be true. I am a self destructive mess.

Every night is a battle, a battle to not harm myself. I want to die, and at the same time I know that I can’t. I keep drinking to excess because it seems to be the “safest” option.

I just want a life where I want to live. Is that too much to ask? I’m tired of waking up wishing that I hadn’t.

[crushed_soul]

I empathize with you, whisperingskye, and e-hug you.

A person can die. Please do not underestimate, overlook, ignore, downplay or anything similarly the aforesaid truth and option. Additionally, a person may be alive, but how the person is being is as if s/he were dead and just dragging oneself through life.

Life in general is a struggle. Are you of the perspective that it is not possible to change your life to how you think you should be, how it should be, how you want it to be and so on? Also, would you be so kind as to explain why you type that "...drinking to excess" as "the 'safest' option?"

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by crushed_soul

Also, would you be so kind as to explain why you type that "...drinking to excess" as "the 'safest' option?"

What I meant was out of all the self destructive impulses I get drinking to excess is the safer one.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Whisperingskye. I know life is hard. Hang in there. Sending my love.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry you're struggling, I agree life is hard. (sad hug)

I don't understand why the services are too Mean to offer you DBT.
((((( Hugs )))))

[Shazerac]

First of all I hear your pain. I’ve been there.

Maybe you need to stop fighting and accept yourself as you are right now. “I’m acting like a self destructive mess.” You soul or spirit or whatever you believe is in there somewhere, hiding behind these behaviors. That voice is quiet and gentle and you can’t hear it right now.

Sometimes just a teeny tiny change in perspective can set us on a path to healing. Maybe you could try reframing your belief that you “are” a self destructive mess to you are “acting” like a self destructive mess. It’s not the real you. You feel pain and sadness right now. If you saw a friend feeling that way you would feel sad too. But hopefully you would love them anyway. Try to find a tiny spark of love for yourself.

[Fuzzybear]

Good post. Wow, I wish some therapist or shrink had said something like this to me in all my “years” of “treatment” ....

Originally Posted by Shazerac

First of all I hear your pain. I’ve been there.

Maybe you need to stop fighting and accept yourself as you are right now. “I’m acting like a self destructive mess.” You soul or spirit or whatever you believe is in there somewhere, hiding behind these behaviors. That voice is quiet and gentle and you can’t hear it right now.

Sometimes just a teeny tiny change in perspective can set us on a path to healing. Maybe you could try reframing your belief that you “are” a self destructive mess to you are “acting” like a self destructive mess. It’s not the real you. You feel pain and sadness right now. If you saw a friend feeling that way you would feel sad too. But hopefully you would love them anyway. Try to find a tiny spark of love for yourself.

[Shazerac]

Fuzzy

I’m glad that what I said resonated with you. I’m so sorry no one said anything that helped you in your years of therapy. Therapist are rather clinical and most don’t seem to believe or understand that love conquers all. (In my opinion) figuring out how to love ourselves no matter what is the most important thing we can do in our lives.

[whisperingskye]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

First of all I hear your pain. I’ve been there.

Maybe you need to stop fighting and accept yourself as you are right now. “I’m acting like a self destructive mess.” You soul or spirit or whatever you believe is in there somewhere, hiding behind these behaviors. That voice is quiet and gentle and you can’t hear it right now.

Sometimes just a teeny tiny change in perspective can set us on a path to healing. Maybe you could try reframing your belief that you “are” a self destructive mess to you are “acting” like a self destructive mess. It’s not the real you. You feel pain and sadness right now. If you saw a friend feeling that way you would feel sad too. But hopefully you would love them anyway. Try to find a tiny spark of love for yourself.

Thank you for this. Really. I really struggle with loving myself, but you are right, somewhere deep down I am there. It’s a work in progress. Some days are easier than others, lately the difficult days seem to be outweighing the good.

For now I am on holiday with a friend for the next few days and I’m focussing on that