putting on a front

My feeling right now is like giving up, though I won't. I feel like, even though I feel like crap most days, I must put up a facade of OK-ness. want to find others feeling down also. but don't know how now. again, I have to put up a front. pretending......every day pretending I'm OK.....go to work, be a good citizen.....but it just ain't me. I feel bad, anxious.....all the time. yes, I know it's my responsibility to address it because its my life......we'll see how it goes.....thanks for being here.

I think many can relate here.

I've always liked the saying...'Fake It Till You Make It'. It has been a mantra for many who have striven to rise from obscurity and adversity.

However, some days can be extremely trying. I will sigh inwardly, say to myself... 'Ah Yes, Hard Times'...Then trudge ahead.

To all those who refuse to give up the good fight, I wish you all strength in your quest to move forward. And hope that you can find some small joys along the way.

I can fully relate to this right now. I feel exactly the same way. Fake it til you make it, as my old therapist used to tell me. I am faking it with my friends, with everyone... at work. I am anxious as all heck and I think depressed too. Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

But I am tired of the good fight.....and I resent having to fight at all.... I don't even know who/what I am fighting against. That's why I NEED to find others who also are not afraid to bleed....I pray that I am better able to take off my daily mask.

What if you went in the opposite direction and instead of the facade you attempted authentic?

Authentic re: depression and anxiety where I work would get me a swift end to a 15 year tenure on a high paying job. No one wants authentic in that vein, not here anyway.
So I suit up every morning, never indulge myself with calling in, and I stay as neutral as I can because I can't do spiffy smiley happy chipper fake, only neutral. Then I go to PC on my break or stare into space. I am tired, too. Very tired.

Yes. Thats me. Fake all the time. Even at home I have to be cheerful. My job demands smiles (customer face to face). Husband and doctor are the only ones I've been honest with. No idea how to get out if it. Just hoping one day it will vanish.

What if instead of faking it you lived authentically? You can still find gratitude in the midst of pain by looking at your blessings and choosing to focus on those, for a time. And, you can still experience pain and frustrations. It's ok to have lonely and quiet times. It's ok to have moments of gladness and highs of happy. It's all ok. You are real. You are not fake. I think the Fake it till you make it saying is wonderful and confusing. Choosing what we focus on is living effective. We can't go to work and share our deepest selves...we have to be professional. We don't lay our burdens at the cash register as we buy groceries, as if the checker is our best friend...we use niceties and engage at the level of intimacy the relationship allows. That's not fake. That's effective. You are not alone! You are worthy and cherished! Is there something you usually find pleasure in that you can love yourself with today?

I feel as if faking it in many situations is what needs to happen. At work, in social situations... It is what needs to be done to be productive and get through the day. When I am really bad (like today) I call out of work and let myself work through my awful feelings without worry for who might notice. These feelings are bad, and acquaintances and co-workers don't need to see how they affect me. Faking it is the only way I can still be a productive person in the world.

yes....tired

Yeah, like this. ^^^ good post!

Why does it[authentic] have to mean super smiley chipper?

I fake it every day, most of the day. I have to blend who I am, with who I want to be. I sometimes wonder if anyone sees through this brave front I put on (I hope not). The contrast is do I want others to know how depressed I am? Can they handle someone with ongoing depression? Would I be told the depression will go away if I only ? did such and such? Would others be supportive, or tell me unhelpful things? Would I regret letting my secret out?

Being authentic doesn't mean being chipper, etc. Maybe I misunderstood. If I went to work 'authentic' within the first hour I would have a dozen inquiries of 'what's wrong?' If I answered truthfully "I'm depressed and anxious,' I would be seen as weak, vulnerable, unreliable, and unapproachable. It would not work for my bosses or the board or fellow managers. No, best to fake it as best I can.

thanks for post......I used to live in a 1/2 house for psychiatric issues......just the knowledge that I was living there and waking up surrounded by folks going through similar stuff, and that I could call the staff if I was REALLY screwed up.....I didn't have to wear my mask.

Making our best effort might feel like we are faking it. I have been doing that today.

I am not fake but a real person, trying to get through the day, waiting for this to pass, so hoping that a brighter day can be on the horizon.

We are all warriors making our best effort while dealing with difficult emotions. Much stronger than those who don't have to make so much effort.

Give yourself a pat on the back for your achievement.
Best wishes to you all