emotionally stable but feel depressed and unmotivated

no change

I was feeling OK for most of the day yesterday and then it all went downhill just after I had posted yesterday. Lots of little things going wrong, one after another. And it's continuing this morning, too. It just amazes me how I can feel pretty good and then it's due time to be on a roll with one thing going wrong after another. It's like I get punished for feeling good.

[ShadowGX]

I just don't know lately. I've felt so weird. I feel loneliness, panic, sadness and frustration on top of happiness and contentment all at the same time most of the time. I feel distant from everyone - even best friend, who has basically been my unhealthy obsession lately. I force myself to talk to the newest friend and make an attempt only because I met him on a dating site and sort of feel obligated to try because of that. I went to him when I had a brief day of courage, and I am genuinely interested and the talks have gone well, but for some reason I feel like isolating from literally everyone which includes him too. I'm forcing myself to post this in hope it helps in some way, but even this is a great challenge right now.

It turned out to be a pretty good day, but not too exciting. My sister called me. It went alright, except that it annoyed me when she was falling asleep after a few minutes. I think that there may be something medically wrong with her. But she says that she's fine. It happens all of the time.

I took a two hour bike ride today. Went to the pool area after dinner and it was very nice. It's still pretty warm outside at night here.

yesterday I destroyed one of my absolute favorite cds. well, the anger/ depression had no where to go, so it went in to scratching up what is one of my favorite albums.

I feel bad about it now, because now I can't get a new copy delivered until October- but I think that's partrly why I did it- just to go online and order another one (I like ordering stuff hah!)

my dinner sucked last night, and I actually still can't get the taste out of my mouth. that's how bad it was

didn't sleep

today I need to fix one of my drawers

part of it collapsed, but right now too busy with overeating, so..

Been feeling very tired so getting some motivation to do things isn't happening. I'm trying to talk myself into making some changes so my life will be happier, like making sure I go for a walk and eat better every day. Content would be nice for once. I don't even need happy. Feel like stopping the antidepressant. They've always only worked for a while and quit helping. I'm sure our brains try to adjust to whatever. getting off them isn't easy though. Guess I'll find out.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm not feeling as depressed today. I'm looking forward to Friday--taking a vacation day from work and I had a good weekend with a long nap on Sunday. I just feel headachy today.

Today was a pretty good day. Nothing too eventful to report about. Worked out and it went well. I added some weights. Went to the pool area and it was nice. The only bad part of the day was that the Emmy's were on instead of being able to watch Wheel of Fortune & Jeopardy. I didn't expect that.

difficult night with flashbacks- absolutely no sign of it letting up

pain was bad too

my back was so stiff I thoughtit was dead, nad that's something I never thought i'd say in a sentence

but no... hellish night and depressing day so far

another day completely wasted

I know I was stiff today but still..

I should have at least done something

[regretful]

It is just one of those things, this life - when it all seemed to start making sense, I walked away from a job that I enjoyed due to stressful politics of that employer's administration. Now, 5 years removed from it, I long for the days of being an employee - being an employer is a stress that I don't wish on anyone. The stress leads to depression, and the depression feeds the stress. It's a vicious cycle. I do wish all of you well with your personal struggle against this invisible monster.

[TerryL]

i miss being funny... and the friends i lost when i was so depressed.

[lotusblossom19]

I'm really bleeping depressed. I feel so alone and unworthy of life.

An alright kind of day. Nothing too eventful. I'm being reminded on how nice it is now that the real summer is over. Getting pretty anxious about my upcoming trip in a couple of weeks from now.

[Rose76]

Feeling low.

The media tells you to ask for help. I asked and got screwed. The media doesn't tell you about that.

I was too busy to post on here last night. Yesterday was not a great day. But that's the way it goes. You get some nice times and then not so great times after that. Yesterday was one of those days that little things were going wrong - one little thing after another. This morning I felt like I had an emotional hangover from yesterday and last night. Last night was the worst.

Today is starting off good, so far. I have something coming up a bit later in the day that I am dreading, so I hope to get through it. After that, it will be the weekend, baby!

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

I'm really bleeping depressed. I feel so alone and unworthy of life.

I understand how you feel. I feel the same way.

[waterknob1234]

Originally Posted by regretful

It is just one of those things, this life - when it all seemed to start making sense, I walked away from a job that I enjoyed due to stressful politics of that employer's administration. Now, 5 years removed from it, I long for the days of being an employee - being an employer is a stress that I don't wish on anyone. The stress leads to depression, and the depression feeds the stress. It's a vicious cycle. I do wish all of you well with your personal struggle against this invisible monster.

I walked away from a job 3 years ago that was causing me a world of stress and depression. I don't miss that job. I am working in a part-time job that feels like family and home. I like my current job but I need to make more money. I have applied for other jobs with no success. Maybe there is a reason for this.

Anyway, enough about me. I wish you success in dealing with the monster of depression. And yes, you described it correctly. It is a monster.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I walked away from a job 3 years ago that was causing me a world of stress and depression. I don't miss that job. I am working in a part-time job that feels like family and home. I like my current job but I need to make more money. I have applied for other jobs with no success. Maybe there is a reason for this.

Anyway, enough about me. I wish you success in dealing with the monster of depression. And yes, you described it correctly. It is a monster.

Thank you for the support...a job that you like...sounds like a dream of mine. Keep on applying - there seems to be a lot of work out there as it's a tight labor market in a lot of areas.

[MatBell]

Day is over soon thank God

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Heartlight

The media tells you to ask for help. I asked and got screwed. The media doesn't tell you about that.

No they don't. They may not even realize that one doesn't always get a supportive response. I'm sorry you reached out and had a bad experience.m

[-Astral-]

low just found out my aa sponsor is quiting aa i just hope to god she dont start drinking again

[Rose76]

Ate too much. Feel sick.

Today was extremely slow at work. I had a meeting at noon that I dreaded but it went alright. Though it seemed like I wouldn't have been needed for it. The weekend's here now and got a lot to do for tomorrow. Nothing social lined up.