I'm feeling a little bit hungover because I drank last night I had a job interview yesterday and I believed it went well. I may not get it but I tried. I just want to do something with my life. I don't want to be sitting around and doing nothing.

[Rose76]

No motivation and no self-discipline to get me doing when I just don't feel like doing. So I'm only doing what I "feel like" doing. That's a sure-fire way to stay down in the dumps - I know.

I'm not even sad. I almost wouldn't even call this depression. I'm just content to be apathetic. It makes me disgusted with myself. Oh, don't worry, I manage to rationalize it.

I did go out for food. Dinner for my bf was take-out food tonight. I got over being mad at him yesterday. We were nice to each other today. I told him he has to understand I'm having an episode of burnout. He actually seemed to understand.

Yesterday he told me that he was only snapping at me because I was snapping at him. That was supposed to make it fair. I told him that he better learn to let things go once in a while. I told him I have a right to be wrong now and then. I'm into my 7th year of caregiving. This is so unfair.

But it is a "growing" experience. I'm a more capable person for having done this. Sometimes I think life sends us the challenges we need to develop our capacities. We either rise to the challenge, or regress to something less than we could have been. I feel like I'm regressing. The apartment is such a mess, and I stopped showering or brushing my teeth.

pretty much the same as yesterday.

alive, but can't figure out wht

I'm sitting on my chair, posting on this site listening to westlife

it's hardly the lifestyle of someone who is meant to live life, not just exist.

and I don't have a lot of my food for next week either.

and that's blah

[88Butterfly88]

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

I feel like a terrible person because i am afraid i am getting taken advantage of and it is making me want to avoid the people instead of being a friend and helping out. but the whole thing is making me completely uncomfortable.

You're not a terrible person. Please be kind to yourself.

[88Butterfly88]

I feel so-so today, much better than my last check-in.

[katydid777]

Life isn't any different today, than it was yesterday, and may be the same tomorrow.

[PsychNitrous]

I don't want to start today. I'm feeling very resentful of my boyfriend, and I'm afraid I won't be able to express it in a nice way. Neither of us is working right now, but he could go back to his last job tomorrow if he wanted, where I'm stuck going through the whole process of finding a job. If he tries to use his anxiety as a reason not to go back, I'm afraid I'm going to snap. He won't do anything to deal with it, so I don't feel very sympathetic towards him.

[-Astral-]

down ...

Last night I was watching a movie, and it was not that great. After the movie I headed into bed. At that time it had hit me real hard that I am very much alone. It was not a nice feeling.

I got up this morning feeling depressed. Realizing that I am very much alone. I felt a little bit better as the day went on. At first I went to the electronics section of a store to reactivate a cell phone that had been out of service for a while. I couldn't get help there, so I went home and called the cell phone company. They were able to reactivate my phone, so that was nice. Except that I should have gone to a lower priced plan since I had some previous leftover time that got added on to what I wanted; and didn't know about it until it was too late to get some money back. Oh well!

Later in the day, I went for a three hour bike ride. It was a bit hot but not bad. My sister had called while I was eating dinner at 6. It was 9 at her time. She sounded very tired and said that she would call another time. That happened last week. Also a woman that I have been PM-ing to from another discussion board had said something negative about the place where I'm going to on my vacation. That's all I need!

Other than those little things, it's been an OK day.

[avlady]

i know the feeling too well. and having to start all over again with your story is a pain too. then you have to make sure you will stay. good luck

[avlady]

why raging vortex?

Originally Posted by avlady

why raging vortex?

why what?

(I think you forgot to quote what part of the message you were referring to)

not suicidal, but certainly not great

barely gotten anything done- and self care is like non existent

[PsychNitrous]

It keeps getting worse. I just found out that I'm losing my health insurance again at the end of the month. I haven't even had it long enough to fill my prescriptions or anything. And now I'm going to be back off so many of my meds, for who knows how long. It's too much, I want to give up.

[-Astral-]

suicidal

Originally Posted by -Astral-

suicidal

but you're not going to do it, are you.

(((((hugs)))))

[Smileonmyface]

so sick. feel like crap. stressed.

[lotusblossom19]

Very difficult day for me emotionally. Been feeling downright dismal since I woke up. I hope everyone here keeps hanging on and keeping hope alive.

Back to work on Monday. It was fairly busy. I had a headache all day today. I don't know what's causing it. I didn't sleep well last night. I worked out after work and it seemed like it was too easy for me. Like a "chip-shot" performance. I guess I'll be increasing the weights that I workout with soon.

Went to the pool area and it was locked up. No explanation. Also things have not been working in the pool area lately. I have notified the HOA and get an automated message back saying that it will be worked on. My complex is going more downhill as the days go on. Also they have not fixed the washers and dryers. We all pay good money for their monthly fees and they don't do anything.

I keep thinking today is sunday

I struggled so badly yesterday with flashbacks that I'm not even sure what day it is. blah

not much to really say abut today.

alive

and that's not entirely a good thing

(((((raging vortex)))))

[Rose76]

I do the essentials. Otherwise I just slide through the night a day. This has gone on too long.

My foot hurts.

[Smileonmyface]

Still sick and my nipple is in serious pain from breastfeeding. My son has been latching on with his teeth and I have a deep gash. I know the obvious solution is to stop breastfeeding but him and I are just not ready. I don't expect people to understand.
reached out this morning trying to help and got turned down. don't think I'm going to reach out anymore. also talked to my therapist for the last time as I am switching in two weeks to my old therapist again and my old place. grateful that all worked out but it was weird not being able to say goodbye in person. i will miss her.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

suicidal

How are you doing today? (((((HUGS)))))