[nikon]

thanks Wishfulthinker. at the moment i'm in one of those moods - swing from "live life to the full right now!" to "just want to sleep forever".

last night i had coffee with friends and had a dessert too, and straight afterwards i felt really guilty and disgusting. i'm in recovery from an eating disorder and this still happens. just trying to remind myself that i'm not disgusting.

[Smileonmyface]

had a night last night where I couldn't even concentrate on the tv without the anxiety seeping in, so I laid down early and just lied there for a couple of hours with my two youngest while daughter played on her tablet and son watched. eventually we all fell asleep. it felt like a long time.
feeling so bad it makes me feel like reaching out for help, but what's the use there is really no help to be had for me anyway I will always have to be here for my children I cannot go anywhere.

[WishfulThinker66]

Originally Posted by nikon

thanks Wishfulthinker. at the moment i'm in one of those moods - swing from "live life to the full right now!" to "just want to sleep forever".

last night i had coffee with friends and had a dessert too, and straight afterwards i felt really guilty and disgusting. i'm in recovery from an eating disorder and this still happens. just trying to remind myself that i'm not disgusting.

This is some great advice recently given to me:

Give yourself the freedom to make a mistake. It is the best gift we can give ourselves. Don't ya think?

[katydid777]

I am a bit down today, but I couldn't tell you why, bc I don't have a clue, I just am.

[WishfulThinker66]

I have a final interview for a position coming up. It is natural I be a bit stressed; but, for some reason, I feel a little depressed about it too. Perhaps it is that it would be the same old same old; a rut persay I just can't seem to get out of. I just can't get thrilled at the prospect of getting it. Still, if one was to measure my depression level it is an improvement of days past.

[nikon]

sorry to hear you are both feeling down, Katydid and Wishfulthinker.

i have a temp work contract that is coming to an end at the end of august and i feel anxious about unemployment. as yet i have no other work lined up. my people skills are terrible and i get really anxious in new environments. i'm scared i'm either going to find no work, have nothing to do, and get really depressed, or find work, find it overwhelming, and get anxious, then depressed. i know i can just take it as it comes though.

i don't have a therapist at the moment, but i feel like i need someone's permission to start seeing another one. like it would feel much easier if my psychiatrist said: you should go to therapy, here are some suggested people.

doing it myself makes me feel like i'm wasting people's time, being demanding, being needy, asking for help i don't need or deserve etc. i can tell this is not a good headspace to be getting into, because then i begin wishing that something bad would happen to me so that i would have a "real" reason to get help.

[twistypringle98]

Stopping smoking is much more difficult than it seems. At first I thought, "Oh well, one or two packs won't be hard to quit from", but as soon as I started, it was like I smoked a darn tree every day. I mean I smoke like a chimney for Pete's sake! It's not pretty.

[WastingAsparagus]

Hey, I’m depressed today. I know what it’s from, too. I was looking at testimonials for teaching abroad since I want to do that, and I saw a bunch of negative comments about it. So I got down about it. I am trying to get through it, but it’s hard to ignore depressed thoughts. I had some coffee to try to zap the depression away. It worked somewhat.

An OK day but not as nice as yesterday. It was slow at work. I worked out after work and felt tired, just like I did on Monday. Though I felt like I did alright. I had some bad dreams early this morning and didn't sleep well.

Went to the pool area tonight and it wasn't that good. It was very nice yesterday. There were lots of kids in the pool. Well, in about two or three weeks from now, all of that crap will be over with. I feel like this is the peak of the worst time of year. It's like those kids have to make up for not being there last June and July. I think they do that just to irritate me.

I've noticed that later today I have done some loud groaning; and it's not from lifting those heavy weights when I workout. It's from thinking about how aggravating things are at my place. Right now there are some people next door together outside and they are talking very loud. I hope they don't continue through the night.

[regretful]

It's just a battle sometimes; and it's tiring.

[nikon]

sending strength to everyone

i've been energetic today, but also inwardly tired, and kind of down now. i'm a receptionist and several people shouted at me on the phone today, and sometimes i'm sick of replying in a polite way while having someone say nasty stuff. also messaged a couple of friends and had no reply yet so feeling a bit lonely.

it has been an okay day, the down sides being no sleep and bad overeating still

spent the morning listening to music and did some sorting of my room in the afternoon

weather is still nice too. not too hot or too cold

[Smileonmyface]

Had to take the kids to the dentist today and it was exhausting. feeling friendless, worthless and absolutely alone. pretty much the same as most other days. i honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

[Yzen]

I've been working long days. From about 6am to 10pm both Wednesday and today. We had an urgent issue that 'must' be resolved. I am worn out and down....

I'm almost regretting deciding to go to see the bfs family. He got a van from work but the ac doesn't work. Its all his family, so he's happy. It took 9 hours to drive here. Im hiding out in the van for a bit. So hot. I'm not a social person so im withstanding four more days of this. Bed doesn't fold out properly. I doubt anyone cares if i just stay here the rest of the night. All they do is drink and smoke weed. I'm missing my son already. He's doing better, has a job. Haven't posted in a long time and i know I'm complaining but i can't complain here. Bf seemed certain to dump me just 2 weeks ago. I don't think i should have asked for another chance. People don't really change. Myself neither and he was sooo unhappy, i should have let him go. Its bound to end at some point and im just prolonging the pain.

Why cant i be normal and happier and more social . I think this is going to be the end of us when we get back home. I really shouldn't have come. Laughter and people are going to get to me soon

Not a real good day today. It seemed like at work a couple of people were nitpicking at the way I handle things. Pretty slow at work today. Just before taking my bike ride after work, my sister called. She said that my brother has leukemia. It had been going on for a while, but my sister just found out. He's taking chemotherapy. So this may not look good for him. On the other hand it's a miracle that he's still living since he had smoked, drank, and used pot a lot. And lived a reckless life. Another thing that upset me was that my sister was going to send me some things today and she told me that she didn't have the time to do it. She's very notorious for not delivering on her promises.

[Rose76]

I don't know what to do. My left heel is burning. I have a toothache. I'm losing patience coping with my duties as caregiver to my boyfriend. The apartment is becoming a mess. I don't know if I should just stick with things, or give up. Somehow . . . I'm wrong either way.

Maybe if I take some pain medicine.

doing okay.

I should probably try a little harder with self care (say things and don't do them), but I did shower today.

I also had some time at the park today for like an hour to get my weekly fresh air (or rather I get it daily from my window, but yeah)

still no sleep.

[downandlonely]

My car wouldn't start this morning. So I'm waiting for roadside assistance.

[nikon]

sorry to hear most people are having a rough time today.

work was difficult today, just people being angry etc.
i'm still trying to start out with a new therapist but haven't got anywhere yet. trying to find out the prices from different people and haven't been able to get in contact with them yet.
today my anger bubbled up really strongly when i was on the phone at work. i just felt like shouting at the person on the other end of the phone. at the moment i'm just sick of being patronized, shouted at and insulted by clients who think i'm not doing my job.

[Smileonmyface]

I'm just done I'm tired of going through the motions there is nothing for me but my children. I try to be a good wife for my husband and I love him so much but I am always inadequate. It does no use to try to be any better. All I can do is try to get through each day.

I really really regret going here with the bf. 3 more days after today yet then we can head home. His brother is tagging along home, so 9 hours with basically a stranger to me. Bf is happy. Constantly stoned as usual. I've decided ive had enough of our crazu relationship and will end it after we get home. I've tried taking a break from the people here but they keep going in the van. I dont care what they think. I'm laying here trying to get some peace. The heat is unbelievable.

It was a fairly busy day today at work. I did one thing for myself that I ended up getting impressed at. I had asked for help for something and then I had to wait quite a while for that help. But then I decided to take it on myself and I was able to do what I thought I could never do.

Worked out and it went OK. Very hot still. Went to the pool area and the people that were there did a good job of making me feel bad about myself, like they always do. It's just amazing on how I can feel so good and then when I get to the pool area, the people do a great job of bringing me down.
I got talking to a woman at work today and she mentioned that some people just stay at where they are and not like it. It sounded just like me when I comes to living at where I am. I'm sorry I keep on talking about it. I have done some heavy praying about it and it's just not getting better.

[avlady]

i feel terrible too. anxious and can't sleep, one time my t told me i get this way when my symptoms are getting worse and i should ask her for help. will do shes coming over soon.