Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Hi Lavender, I was just thinking of you

(Btw I’m so glad you’re a mod, you so deserve it I couldn’t do that job though .. I’m not patient enough Well maybe I could be. But I don’t have time . Too much crap in my life.

I think that jerk who labelled me as Avoidant was wrong. I wouldn’t be saying all this if I was ... but anyway.

Thank you Fuzzy.

You're special.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lavender.

Thank you Fuzzy.

You're special.

Thank you Lavender You’re special too

Well another Saturday is about over. Instead of cleaning this morning I went to a meeting with a speaker. It was alright. I didn't connect with anyone there. Went shopping after lunch. I decided to do that at the last minute. I'm glad that I did now that I don't have to go shopping tomorrow.

Feeling down now. I guess I just feel alone and unfulfilled. I'll be going on a one hour bike ride pretty soon and then I'll go out to eat instead of cooking tonight. It's been a good while since I've gone out to eat.

I've noticed today that there looks like there's going to be a party at the clubhouse tonight. The clubhouse is next to the pool. I hate it when they have those parties because it's painful for me watching people having a great time when I'm all alone. The parties are usually for kids. Plus I feel like I'm being looked at.

[Smileonmyface]

had a really blah day. husband was out all day and i never changed out of pajamas. just watched tv and took care of my kids. going to be a blah week as well which is a relief somewhat since last week was pretty busy with my daughter going to a three day camp. I don't know how people have the energy to do that all summer it was hard for three days getting her there and home. i'm just looking forward to lying down tonight, and I hope the kids aren't too crazy.

I was very busy today. Did the housecleaning this morning and went on a two-hour bike ride.

Been feeling very down and discouraged today. My sister hasn't called in a while and I was hoping that she would call me today. Also my friend, who is my age and single like me, might be on to a relationship. I didn't think it would ever happen to him. So that could be the only "comrade" that I have in my life to go. But anyways, he's 3000 miles from me. I was hoping that someday he and I could be together when we're older. And I took my bike back to the shop because it wasn't quite done right when I took it in last week. The guy, who took care of me last week, was not at the shop and that was disappointing.

[imchet]

I'm doing pretty well today. I made it to church, cooked a meal for myself, reorganized my storage area and setup a nice campsite for myself for the next week. I must say it's such a comfort to know where I'll be sleeping the next six nights. It's curious though. I'm making it and feel so much less overwhelmed, but I have to realize just because I've managed how to live comfortably enough out of my car and or a camp site must certainly does not imply that I could jump back into my old life with a regular fourty hour work week, an apartment, bills, even the though of that makes me feel overwhelmed and out of my ability to manage so much organizing.

it's the worst my depression has been in ages

no real reason (like I keep saying, mine is never situational)

just really low

you know how really depressed you are when you don't even want to fill out your mood chart

Originally Posted by raging vortex

it's the worst my depression has been in ages

no real reason (like I keep saying, mine is never situational)

just really low

maybe bc of your ap meds. it happens with me. you could check with your pdoc.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m bored......

Kind of slow today at work and it seemed like quite a few people were out. Well, it's summer, I guess. Worked out after work and it went well, despite the heat. The pool area was very nice as, much to my surprise, no one was there.

Originally Posted by Desiree2006

maybe bc of your ap meds. it happens with me. you could check with your pdoc.

honestly I think it's more that I really dislike life and being here

but I do apreciate your concern

feel good so far (though it is still early, like half 11 A.M)

didn't sleep yesterday and didn't fill out my mood chart, but deffenetely going to try to fill it out today. I really need to start getting on top of it- no point having it if it's not going to be used

This day has been a good day. I slept through the night and felt rested when I woke up. Did a lot of de-cluttering. Ate dinner out with a family member. Got help after the dinner with the rest of my clutter. Feel peaceful now!

An OK day today. After work I picked up my bike. It works much better now and I took a one hour bike ride after work. Getting very hot outside. Went to the pool area and it was nice.

[sky457]

Really bad month....I am deteriorating rapidly..

[WishfulThinker66]

I've mostly been checking in on the Anxiety thread. But, as the worries are crossed off and dealt or coped with Depression has begun to seep in and fill the voids.

I am quite concerned as the melancholy is strong and something I am starting to rue upon. It includes the trigger to my last bout that was serious enough to put me in the hospital for 9wks. I can tell it is becoming problematic as there are things going on in my life that should be making me quite happy and excited about. Instead I have a shrug of the shoulders and 'meh' attitude.

[SeekerOfLife]

Down....

[-Astral-]

depressed

[MatBell]

I feel my meds have kicked in. 300 mg Effexor. Less anxiety and elevated mood. However, they don’t take away the loneliness and the less than ideal life conditions.

[WishfulThinker66]

A close friend is the source of the biggest trigger to my Depression right now. She is very well to do and obviously quite bored with her life. We are quite close except that she has a way of riding on my coat-tails and in this case stealing my dream. The fact money is no object means she has the ability to (constantly) do this. I buy a car, she buys one days later. I book a European holiday and she quickly did so not long after. I have begun to be mum about decisions and purchases I make in my life on account she announces doing the same. Well the latest is, after a lengthy discussion about how I miss my old out-door lifestyle - paddling in particular - she ran out the next day and dropped what must have been $10,000+ on top of the line kayaks for her entire family and a trailer to pull them. Arrrgh! This time it actually hurts. Having lost my own ability to pursue this pastime which was once a near daily activity I feel my dream has been stolen. Good for her and all that but it is my dream not hers. I doubt the idea would have even occurred to her had I not brought it up myself. I really hurt and feel quite like crap. It isn't just that I feel irked by all this but it has brought home the fact I haven't been able to live my chosen lifestyle for some time now and that I likely never will again - something I have had great difficulty accepting and coming to terms with. As mentioned, I have ended up hospitalised when similarly triggered the depression has grown so serious. I am really having a difficult time accepting this. I know it is her life to live but I can't help but thing it is mine she is living. Grrrrrr. Why did I have to open my big mouth?

[MatBell]

Another bad night. Tired of this.

[Rose76]

I'm doing pretty good, if I just keep pushing myself. Ritalin helped me wake up today despite not sleeping well last night. I have to do another hour of paperwork stuff, and I will feel okay about myself.

[Yzen]

I felt good during the first half of the day and am down this second half. So, I guess this was a good bad day.

[88Butterfly88]

I'm depressed because I'm worried I'm going to need surgery. Also my dog is sick so that makes me sad.