Kind of a weird day for me today. First thing this morning when I got into work, the door had been opened and the light was on. Someone had gone in ahead of me and I didn't know who. I am the only one in that room that I work in. And then I got an email saying that I should send my laptop back in. I thought, what for? I just got the laptop. With me always thinking the worst, I thought that I was being let go. I asked a co worker about it and he said that I was to send in the old computer that I don't use anymore, not the laptop. It must have been a typo.

After work my car stopped running in the middle of the street. So I had to pull over to the side. Fortunately I was across the street from a garage that I had worked with before. It took a while for them to get to me and then I was told that I would probably have to leave it overnight. Well, as it turned out, I needed new battery terminals and that was it. They couldn't replace it for me, but one guy cleaned it and tightened it up. That was all it needed. So I was able to drive home.

[Sunflower123]

Depression is weighing heavily on me right now. I’m in a really dark place.

[Yzen]

I've had more headaches this year than any year. Another one tonight.

[twistypringle98]

Life can be fun sometimes. Just because I'm not really having any doesn't mean it will be this way in the future. I'm giving up smoking for good which is part of the reason why I feel oh so lousy, I think. When I smoke, I smoke a pack a day or more. It's truly disgusting. Sometimes I can deny instant gratification and in other circumstances, I can't. I'm a loyally bad subject.

I am meeting with these people who can help me find a permanent job somewhere. I've either quit or gotten fired from my previous jobs so I feel like having someone to look after me and who will look in on me sometimes is a good thing.

I'm getting really into an Australian rapper named Iggy Azalea. Anybody heard of her? I think she is popular but I'm not sure. It's not like she's TuPac.

A pretty good day for me today. First thing this morning I took my car to that garage that I dealt with yesterday. They did the work for me and my car is now fine. It didn't cost much. It could have been much, much worse and much more money.

Today it was a pretty nice day at work. Was fairly busy for a Friday. For some strange reason, Thursdays feel like Fridays for me. And Fridays feel like Saturdays. Well, I love that time of the week. And then my real favorite day is Saturday.

I worked out and it went well. It was very hot and humid today. Close to 100, I think. And went to the pool area and I was the only one there. What a shock that was!

Nothing exciting planned for this weekend.

[Rose76]

My left foot is not improving. I'm getting concerned. Getting up this morning, it was even tougher than yesterday to put weight on it. I stood a lot in the kitchen yesterday, cooking and doing dishes. One spot on my heel sometimes feels like it's burning. Where I get subsidized healthcare it's almost impossible to see a podiatrist.

I don't feel depressed, which is a good thing.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Rose76

My left foot is not improving. I'm getting concerned. Getting up this morning, it was even tougher than yesterday to put weight on it. I stood a lot in the kitchen yesterday, cooking and doing dishes. One spot on my heel sometimes feels like it's burning. Where I get subsidized healthcare it's almost impossible to see a podiatrist.

I don't feel depressed, which is a good thing.

I’m glad you are not depressed and sorry about your foot. I hope you can figure out a way to get it looked at. It sounds painful.

I was very busy today and the busyness is over with now. My friend has gone away for the weekend, but for some strange reason, I don't feel any difference. I guess we just don't get together that much.

It's still very hot and humid outside and I'm having to run the fan in order to not sweat. I really hate this kind of weather and I hate summer anyways.

I was going to do the laundry tomorrow, but just recently, we can't use the dryers. There is a gas leak near the laundry room and it does not appear to be repaired yet. So I plan to use the laundry mat tomorrow. Well, I think it will work out OK. While I have to wait a while for the laundry to finish, I can spend that time to go shopping.

I have walked around the whole complex today like I have never done before. It seems like lately, from what I have been seeing of the place and the way it's going, I'm feeling more and more that I'm not fitting in well. So, packing up and leaving may be in the cards for me very soon.

[88Butterfly88]

I was very depressed this morning but feel okay now.

[MatBell]

I'm doing OK. I think. I know it can change quickly. But for now I just try to live in the moment. I was able to run outside today too.

Hope you all are doing good or just okay.

I'm confused! Yesterday, including after time that I had posted, seemed nasty. Well, not real bad, but just not as a "feel-good" day as Saturdays can be for me. Last night I went to the pool area (it was still hot and humid) and it was bad. The swimming pool looked very cloudy and uninviting to me. It had a tremendous workout yesterday. So I settled in the hot tub. There was one other guy in there; and he was drunken fool. He had implied that I was gay and that offended me. I told him how I felt and he didn't apologize. And then he rambled on about him being a good Christian guy and that I am not because I'm judgmental. Wow, what a lot of hooey!

But now, today so far, I was doing the laundry and met all kinds of nice people. I have wanted to move out of my condo complex because I haven't met many nice people. But today all of the people I have been coming across have been very nice. I would never want to leave my complex if the people were mostly nice. So now, I don't know how I feel. Most times encounters with other people are not nice, just today it's been wonderful.

Other than that, my sister called, and we had a very nice chat. It's been a great day for me so far.

[twistypringle98]

Nothing very interesting again today. I'm making garlic bread pasta pie for dinner at my Mom's request, and the recipe looks pretty good except I would have made something more to my liking like shredded chicken and noodles or some kind of other soup.

I had another fight with my big sis and really all I want is for her and me to never be together again. It doesn't work. She's mean, and I mean really mean. For someone who thinks she would have made a great psychologist, she makes fun of me all the time (and thinks I can't catch on because she basically thinks she's Einstein about it) and doesn't really make sense about what she says. She says that I, ahem, dissociated during childhood, and Mom and Dad live in misery. She's just a bully and actually thinks she's empathetic. I've called her a sociopath before which must've made her think up all these things. I think she spends too much time with her "friends" who probably mooch off my parents, too.

I think she's out for vengeance for something that never happened which if it didn't happen, can't involve me. If it is because we have fights sometimes, why can't she just see that sometimes sisters fight and need to be apart for a while? She calls me all sorts of names and projects all these ideas about herself at me all the time.

[Rose76]

Just watching movies on TV all day with my bf. He seems so content, and feels okay. I just want to sit with him and do nothing else. We found nice movies to watch. Had a good lunch. Not hungry for dinner.

I have to get together paperwork to renew my subsidized healthcare coverage. Till I do that, I can't afford to see a doctor about my foot.

Never slept all last night. Did sleep for an hour before noon. No wonder I'm tired.

I have to get it together.

I am feeling quite good for a monday.

think it's the cooler/ wetter weather

really helps

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am feeling quite good for a monday.

think it's the cooler/ wetter weather

really helps

I agree, the cooler weather does help.

I felt better until I tried typing an email which has now bought my brain fog back.

[regretful]

Really dislike this invisible companion known as depression. I was re-reading some journal entries from years back - similar feelings to 2011 and 2014...could it be that I've been depressed for my whole life? I do long for the days when I was happier. It was possible then, and I still think it is now.

[WishfulThinker66]

i really don't understand this. I should feel excited right now but that just isn't happening. For the sake of appearances I am simply going through the motions. I look back on the last several weeks during which I have done a great deal. I know I have enjoyed myself when these things occurred but again they weren't notable enough to get excited about. They simply happened. I took them and enjoyed them for what I could but these things should have really brought a great deal more joy to me than they did. Instead, it is a shrug of the shoulders, "Oh that was lovely I guess" when the reaction perhaps should have been , "Wow! Was that ever great and awesome."

- parade (meh)
- rock concert (okay)
- camping (well I'm glad i went and i know it was a good time, I'm just not excited about it today)
- music festival (whatever)

I look back on these ten days in particular and know they were fabulous but just don't feel it at all.

[Smileonmyface]

Feeling really down since getting home from visiting my parents. Told a neighbor I couldn't watch her son like she had asked and feeling guilty for saying no, even though it is all I can do lately to deal with my three kids and I just can't handle it. I can't really say the reason is my mental health because then I will be judged. So I just said something came up. People are only in your life for what they can use you for anyway. When you are useless to them they go away. I am really really down tonight. Going to do more knitting and watch tv.

[twistypringle98]

Sister started a new job today. Apparently they make a lot of money in that business, so I hope it works out for her. Some of her friends work there, and it would be nice if I didn't have to drive her to and from work everyday.

I used up the last of my vape juice. Hopefully this time I can quit smoking for good because this whole 'one more' thing is getting old for everyone that knows me.

I didn't sleep well last night. I was panicking about things that I've been thinking, and well, now I understand how people with anxiety think or what they do more likely.

Was busy today at work. I started having a headache at 2AM early this morning and it lasted all day. I wonder if I have migraine? It's been so dang hot and humid.

I worked out and it went well, but felt tired. While I was working out, the headache was gone or it didn't bother me. It came back a little bit after my workout.

Originally Posted by will19

Was busy today at work. I started having a headache at 2AM early this morning and it lasted all day. I wonder if I have migraine? It's been so dang hot and humid.

I worked out and it went well, but felt tired. While I was working out, the headache was gone or it didn't bother me. It came back a little bit after my workout.

You exercise such a lot. It's great. You are my motivation to exercise. Hugs.

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

Feeling really down since getting home from visiting my parents. Told a neighbor I couldn't watch her son like she had asked and feeling guilty for saying no, even though it is all I can do lately to deal with my three kids and I just can't handle it. I can't really say the reason is my mental health because then I will be judged. So I just said something came up. People are only in your life for what they can use you for anyway. When you are useless to them they go away. I am really really down tonight. Going to do more knitting and watch tv.

Heard from you after a long time. Missed you. Hugs and love.

[nikon]

i'm really bad at maintaining contact with people, even online like here, so end up posting only when i really want to talk to someone. sorry
i don't feel so good today. have been in a good period for a few months now but keep feeling like it's going to end. i'm just so tired at the moment. i've stopped seeing my therapist and looking for a new one, but i feel so ashamed asking my dr/other people for recommendations. about myself, i feel like needing help or human connection is weak, but i don't know why - i don't think this about other people.

i'm ending up going to bed so early but struggling to wake up in the mornings. today for the first time in a while i feel that feeling of depression again. it feels like... **** my college work.... i feel kind of self-destructive but know i'm safe. i just feel like curling up in my bed and going to sleep right now but it's too early, and i have to meet someone later. this is a stupid pattern i have: feel too inhibited to ask for help when i'm feeling a bit down, and force myself to wait it out until i literally can't function and am forced to get help. just feel like sleeping now but keep having bad dreams.

[WishfulThinker66]

Sounds like you are in a bit of a rut. Always hard to climb out of but perhaps with attention you might observe a way and an opportunity. There is a saying I am very fond of --- Leap, and the net will appear.

It also sounds like you might be knocking yourself about for the fact you are depressed. Allow yourself the permission rather to be emotional - and to sleep. You don't need anyone's approval for being depressed.

Looking for a therapist is a marvelous idea. Way to go.

As for the isolation we bring upon ourselves, it might help to find like minded people to connect with. When I found a support group to attend it wasn't so much the sharing amongst my peers what was going on with my life but the social aspect that came with attending. Just being around people regardless if I participated or not was beneficial and began to break up the isolation. It is now a weekly event I look forward to.

It was a very good day today. It started off very well. I got a good night sleep and my headache was completely gone. And then I got an email from that woman from the HOA saying that a check was made out for me and I will get it in a few days. She even let me know what the check number is.

It was fairly busy and good day at work. Took a one hour bike ride after work. It has cooled down a little bit and not as humid as it's been. Went to the pool area and had it to myself.

Today was a kind of a day that I hate to see end. It seemed like everything worked out well. There are not many days like today.