Fresh Out of IP

I went into IP twelve(ish) days ago, as some of you already know. In the past, IP has been a hit or miss for me and I was nervous that I'd just be wasting my time. I also didn't want to go because the idea of completely crashing and burning in my sorrow and confusion was almost too enticing. I couldn't trust my thoughts to the point where I didn't believe in anything, but believed in everything at the same time. It was exhausting to say the least.

Anyway, I just got out of the hospital yesterday. As much as I didn't want to go IP, I think it's what I needed. Halfway through, I came to the realization that I had been delusional up to that point. I won't go into detail, but I swore a demon was trying to possess me and had been tormenting me. I believed it right up until my PRN at the hospital made it all go away. It made me realize that it was all in my head. Oddly enough, I still can't sleep on the couch like I used to because of the memories of those hallucinations during this particular delusion. I'm trying to get past it, but it's hard to quiet down the anxiety that comes along with it.

All in all, I think IP helped me a lot. I'm back to being clear headed and -- while I still have SI -- I don't feel the overwhelming desire to act on anything. I'm also taking better care of myself, which is good because I hadn't shaved in weeks.

I do have some questions, though. With MDD and psychotic features, is it really possible to become delusional like that? I've known it's possible to hallucinate, but I've never heard of that kind of delusion alongside MDD. Anyway, thanks for reading but most of all, just thanks for all of the support I got from here when things were below rock bottom. I appreciate you all.

I'm so glad you're back

((((( So leigheas )))))
I was thinking about you.. I’m glad you’re back

I'm not a doctor or a T but I think it is possible to become delusional with MDD and psychotic features. I have that and I have some really weird strange thoughts in my head at times. And they can be persistent thoughts. And I would argue with someone that the thoughts were right and they were wrong all day long, but then when the thoughts subside I realize that it was in my head and not real. I'm glad IP helped. Glad you are back.

Thank you, Só leigheas. I greatly appreciate your account of a helpful inpatient experience.
Only if you are willing, could you offer more details about this aspect of the inpatient treatment?

In any event, I wish you ever-increasing relief and peace.

I'm glad you are back and that IP has helped you . You always helped me even when you were struggling so much yourself . Thank you

A lot of it was about getting my meds right. Most of it was actually. My prn was a fast acting antipsychotic that'd last around 10-12 hours. I was hallucinating the demons and hearing them, "knowing" they were closing in, I went to the nurse's desk. I didn't want to tell her the truth, so I just asked for the prn (my intention was only for it to put me to sleep so the demons wouldn't scare me). She gave me the prn and once it kicked in, the demons were gone along with the voices and the paranoia. I went to sleep peacefully that night but thought it might just be a fluke. I did it again the next night (all the while I was put on a new AP to also help). Everything, again, went away. I had an epiphany that it was all in my head. That aspect of IP was the most helpful to my recovery.

I was also given some new coping strategies and spent a good deal of time in art therapy. Other patients there also made things easier and kept me feeling a little more at ease.