[cryingontheinside]

I posted a few days ago that I wanted to die , well it's got worse. I'm at my mum's house on my own and I've figured out a way I could possible act on it . It's not simple and straight forward so I don't know if it is doable . Right now I can't act on it because I'm not feeling well and I'm incredibly tired even though I've been sleeping .
I'm feeling I can't go on and that I don't want to . I feel anger too at the whole world. I have no support no hope no love by others or from myself .
I feel more certain than ever that I want to end his hell hole that is my life .
I'm not just wanting to end it because I can't bare how I feel .there are other reasons too. Like some family have been mean to me and doubting that I have mental health because I don't feel safe to show them the true me . Part of me wants to do it to show them - see I really was depressed f u ! And part of me wants them to feel sorry that they treated me bad . Yes I know you will think that is wrong and bad of me but I can't help that is how I'm feeling .

crying I hope you don't act on it, I care

[marvin_pa]

I care, too

I believe that anyone here, reading will care as well - even if they don't have words they can use to help.

Sending all the positive vibe/karma I have.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi crying,

I am very sorry you are experiencing such a challenging time.
So glad you are reaching out.

It is just fine to experience all types of feelings. It is wise to be discerning about feelings, realizing it may not be in our best interest to act upon all of our feelings, especially when so depressed. Depression is the great deceiver, lying to us, distorting things, making us feel even worse. It can feel overwhelming for sure.

You sound like you may be in the "danger zone," at serious risk of hurting yourself?

Please continue to reach out, both here and elsewhere.

Do you have a therapist? Have you tried a live crisis line? Have you tried a local "crisis center?" Do you have anyone you can talk with/ spend time with? Do you need hospitalization?

Please do not allow depression to defeat you.
I hope you keep reaching out.

Stay safe.


WC

[lotusblossom19]

Please don't surrender to these urges. I understand what you mean when it comes to family. I know that pain very well. Sorry to hear about this. Please try to keep hanging on even though it's tough. You're not really alone in this. I believe what you are saying. I know it's real and empathize with you.

[cryingontheinside]

I don't think they have any crisis service in my country . I don't want a stay in hospital as I've been there before and got bullied by the other patients plus it's very hard to get into hospital here . They will only admit me after an attempt of suicide , and not before unless I beg them which I did before and they told me " this is not a hotel " well I don't want to be treated like that by anybody . They really don't care

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi crying,

I am very sorry you are experiencing such a challenging time.
So glad you are reaching out.

It is just fine to experience all types of feelings. It is wise to be discerning about feelings, realizing it may not be in our best interest to act upon all of our feelings, especially when so depressed. Depression is the great deceiver, lying to us, distorting things, making us feel even worse. It can feel overwhelming for sure.

You sound like you may be in the "danger zone," at serious risk of hurting yourself?

Please continue to reach out, both here and elsewhere.

Do you have a therapist? Have you tried a live crisis line? Have you tried a local "crisis center?" Do you have anyone you can talk with/ spend time with? Do you need hospitalization?

Please do not allow depression to defeat you.
I hope you keep reaching out.

Stay safe.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I don't think they have any crisis service in my country . I don't want a stay in hospital as I've been there before and got bullied by the other patients plus it's very hard to get into hospital here . They will only admit me after an attempt of suicide , and not before unless I beg them which I did before and they told me " this is not a hotel " well I don't want to be treated like that by anybody . They really don't care

I am very sorry you have been treated in this manner.

What helps? Anything? Anyone?

Please keep posting if it might help somehow?

I am very concerned about you.

WC

(((((cryingontheinside)))))
Can you get your meds when you are at your mom's?
Like you Im feeling tired the whole day tho I m sleeping a lot...I know it's very frustrating.... and I too feel angry at the whole world.

PLease hang in there and try to take your meds as soon as possible and see a pdoc and a therapist.
Lots of love to you.

[ShadowGX]

I'm unsure what else to say, so there's a hug. Please don't let these rotten people win.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi cryingontheinside, so sorry you're struggling. Yes, people can be out of touch all right, awful, and I'm real sorry your family have lacked the love. Very saddening. If you can just stand strong in your conviction that, yes, you've been wronged, and perhaps you need to vent your true feelings to them instead of carrying it all inside?, then it might help to make you feel a little better. You shouldn't have to end your own life because of other peoples shortcomings please ((((hugs!)))). You can do this cryingontheinside. If they're nothing but pain then put more distance between you, as well :-(

crying I'm sorry you've been treated so bad, you don't deserve to be treated like that

I'm worried about you

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I posted a few days ago that I wanted to die , well it's got worse. I'm at my mum's house on my own and I've figured out a way I could possible act on it . It's not simple and straight forward so I don't know if it is doable . Right now I can't act on it because I'm not feeling well and I'm incredibly tired even though I've been sleeping .
I'm feeling I can't go on and that I don't want to . I feel anger too at the whole world. I have no support no hope no love by others or from myself .
I feel more certain than ever that I want to end his hell hole that is my life .
I'm not just wanting to end it because I can't bare how I feel .there are other reasons too. Like some family have been mean to me and doubting that I have mental health because I don't feel safe to show them the true me . Part of me wants to do it to show them - see I really was depressed f u ! And part of me wants them to feel sorry that they treated me bad . Yes I know you will think that is wrong and bad of me but I can't help that is how I'm feeling .

I really hope you find something to distract your mind.

none of us want you to die- I know you feel like that now, and trust me, I've felt like that too (with the whole family and mental illness thing)

but please.. stay safe.

((((hugs))))

[cryingontheinside]

I'm still here . Thx for caring.

Anger
Self hate
Bad memories
No money
No food
No friends
Unsupportive family
No enjoyment of any activity
Constant suicide thoughts
Thinking of ways to act on them
No help in real life
No support in real life
No medication
No routine
No energy
No motivation

I could only write bullet points. Can not concentrate to write something better

[little turtle]

cryingontheinside---you are at a certain place that many have been...
you are who you are...and that is more than ok...you will survive...

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I'm still here . Thx for caring.

Anger
Self hate
Bad memories
No money
No food
No friends
Unsupportive family
No enjoyment of any activity
Constant suicide thoughts
Thinking of ways to act on them
No help in real life
No support in real life
No medication
No routine
No energy
No motivation

I could only write bullet points. Can not concentrate to write something better

and.... you are still fighting.

I am really glad you are still fighting and still trying

[cryingontheinside]

I feel worse than ever . Each minute each hour I feel worse and worse . I keep sleeping as much as possible , it's the only thing that's saving me from acting on these thoughts . The world looks so ugly to me and people seem so horrible to me I want to escape from all of it . ( Nobody on pc I love you all ) . I can't tell people how I'm feeling ( apart from here ) . It's not accepted . I tried to tell my mum last week and she reacted by screaming and shouting and slamming doors and running up stairs . Then she came down and shouted at me till I cried. I don't live with her but I have to stay at her house sometimes , it's complicated. It's not safe for me to be honest and tell people how bad it is. I can't stand this. I can't bare it. It hurts that there is nobody in real life that I can tell the truth how bad it is. It makes me angry at all the fake people pretending mental health is accepted but it really isn't. What if I wrote on face book " somebody help me , I want to die " what would happen if I did that ? I would be called an attention seeker and people would be annoyed . Nothing good would come from it. I have nobody outside of here to turn to . If I did kill myself , people will be angry saying why didn't she ask for help , why didn't she let us know. Well they make it so hard to ask for help or tell your true feelings yet they will still say that . Hmm. My mum phoned me today and asked me how I am . I just said I was bored and fed up , that's all I felt comfortable to say . " I'm not bored or fed up " she replied. " I'm having a great time . When a depressed person tells you they are fed up oh it really means so much more than that but nobody in real life cares . I'm not going to continue like this. I've been thinking about a way I can end my life. I'm not allowed to say what it is. It's something I've tried before. I tried that method several times and I am still here though. But it's the only way I can think of. Im not going to stay here in this evil world .

Originally Posted by raging vortex

and.... you are still fighting.

I am really glad you are still fighting and still trying

[marvin_pa]

((cryingontheinside)), there are very few people that truly understand what it feels like to be depressed, unless they've been there themselves. And you risk injury every time you reach out to explain yourself. But... sometimes, you will get someone that understands enough to see in their eyes that they do, even if they lack the words or physical tools to greatly assist. The kindness of strangers cliche has an element of truth to it, in my experience & I've clung onto those rare moments of 'understanding contact' to keep me going.

Since contacts on a forum are usually of an abstract 'non-real-life' nature, it's easy to dismiss them under that IRL categorization - but, that's not entirely the case. The individuals at the ends of the myriad of electronic bits whizzing between participants on a meeting place like PC, are real IRL entities & the others I get to know here become like stars in the night sky. I may not know their names, or all their troubles - but I'd still miss the presence of each of those specs of light in the sky...

Keep fighting...

[Fuzzybear]

What I think is appalling is that there is no “professional” help in this forest. I was slammed and “corrected”.. not “kindly” for speaking the truth about an abusive therapist. I suppose people can’t bear The Truth It’s an absolute sick joke - the “help” for severe MH issues over here . And you’re right, 99 percent of people in “real” life don’t understand. Or often even care :-(

When I was suicidal, my maternal unit simply said “stand on your own two feet” and put the phone down. I lived miles away. No idea why some people have children. :-(

I’ve been looking up methods online. They are not reliable. :-(

It might be wiser to look into DBT :-( Not that that would help me because I’m “beyond help” :-( (As said by some smart *** incompetent “professional” )

“We can’t help you because you have 10 fingers”

“We can’t help you because you have 4 paws”

“We can’t help you because you’re too unwell”

“We can’t help you because you’re not unwell enough”

Good morning cryingontheinside.
How are you today?
Hugs and much love. Please hang in there and stay strong.

hope you are okay.

(((hugs))))

We all love you here, crying, I wish we could all be there irl to help you

[MickeyCheeky]

[Calla lily12]

cryingontheinside
I hope you are all right. It's a horrible lonely feeling when no one listens to desperate pleas for help. Maybe your Mum is frightened and that's why she reacts as she does. I'm sorry you aren't getting what you need, but we're here, for what it's worth. Let us know how you're doing, please.

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you everyone for your support . I'm trying to fight this . It's not easy