[freedom101]

Today is a very hard day for me. My husband is depressed (and has been for years.) There are a lot of demands being put on me right now because of kids and circumstances and DH has let me know he will not be of any help to me because it's too overwhelming to him. I'm so upset. I feel so alone. I know I'm not alone, I know there are others out there like me. I just don't know what to do. The kids are starting to feel my frustrations. I am doing everything and have a need to have some time for myself and can't even get it so I snap at my kids for needing my attention. It's not their fault and yet here I am taking my frustrations out on them anyway. I keep telling myself that I know I can give them the attention they need and I want to give them the attention they need, I just feel so much pressure. I just need it to be relieved for even 15 minutes. I just don't know what to do. I know I'm mainly venting. I am just feeling resentful and frustrated at my husband and so everybody that comes into contact w/ me feels it, especially my kids. I don't want them to feel the affects of me not being able to handle my husband's depression. What can I do right now that will give me the perspective I am lacking?

[nowheretorun]

have you ever tried meditation? it's a relaxation technique of simply breathing... imaginng everything, physical to mental leaving your body... using even, measured, deep breaths... there are probably videos available at your library, if not, there are several excellent books

when you've calmed, you may be able to more clearly organize/prioritize the issues in your life that are draining you... it takes time, but that is how the best things in life are...

mediation/breathing exercises are something you can do right now, in your home, and best of all, it's free...

hope this helps

[dragonphoto]

Wow Freedom I am so sorry. I am your husband (well not really your husband) but I am in the same place as he is. I have struggled for many years dealing with my depression and I just now got a hold on it. I know I can be there for my wife (which is something it sounds like your husband cannot do) and I am willing to be there for her. The best suggestion I can offer to you is if you have a good friend that you trust with your kids to see if they would watch them while you climbed into a hot bath. I know that when my wife had a bad day I would do that for her. I am not making exscuses for your husband, but this is a strange thing for men to cope with because even though you tell him he needs to get help he feels he can fix things himself. it took my wife pushing me away for me to realize the help I needed to get and to be honest I love her more for that than for anything else she has ever done for me. I have gotten the help I needed and now I am working on making our relationship work. Now don't get me wrong I still have hard nights (last night for one) but when I do I think about something that happened in our lives that really made me smile. I suggest that when you are having a rough day you just think of something that makes you or made you happy in your relationship and just reflect and smile. Anytime you would like you can PM me to talk.

God Bless
Dragon

[AAAAA]

I feel your frustration. Its a circle, you're frustrated, the kids feel that and demand more attention. I would suggest finding something that you and your children can do together, start a craft project and while they're finishing it you get to catch up on chores so that at the end of the day you'll have some time to yourself. You'll be having fun with your kids, they'll get the attention they need and you'll get some alone time.

I don't know how old your children are or what their interest level is, but if you can find something that's just fun to do with them for a half an hour it will make a world of difference to both of you.

[Doh2007]

Can you take a walk around the block? Or to the zoo?

[LMo]

Freedom - I have been in your shoes and they are not fun. My husband was severely depressed for several years. I didn't know what to do with myself. And I didn't even have kids - my heart goes out to you... that would understandably put anyone over the edge.

I'd love to be able to offer advice about what "helped" me, but the truth is that nothing seemed to help. All of my efforts to rouse my husband out of deep depression seemed to hit a brick wall. Probably the only things that had any effect were to forcibly drag him to a mental health clinic for emergency treatment, and to push push push him to keep trying new meds until he hit the right combination.

Nothing that the books said (socialize, exercise, blah blah blah) helped me much. Oh, I did start taking Lexapro for myself. That did seem to help, a bit, but it certainly didn't make the problem go away - it just made it a little more bearable.

[freedom101]

Thanks, everyone. These are some really good suggestions. I actually love meditation and I just haven't made the time for it. Hearing the description of meditation really hit a chord with me. I really need to do it. Also, thanks for your kind words everyone. I really needed to hear that I wasn't alone, that I'm not crazy, and that I'm not just feeling sorry for myself. I can't even put my finger on it exactly, but what you all said was exactly what I needed to hear today. I think the main thing was that it took pressure off of me to feel like I had to be supermom. Oh, and I love the idea of heading off to the zoo!!!! Thanks again, you have no idea how much this helped.

[nowheretorun]

that's really excellent 101....