Today

Today I filled up 3 bin bags of rubbish in my flat . There is still more rubbish and lots of mess and lots of tiny flies ( mostly in the kitchen ) . My kitchen is half filled up with rubbish bags , there is about 10 large bags full . It's hard for me to think how I will clean and tidy the kitchen with all this rubbish bags in the way . So I guess my next step is to take some of the rubbish out . I hate being in the kitchen because there is about 1000 tiny flies . Somebody suggested they might be fruit flies . I hope I find the motivation to do some more cleaning today . I really need to . Should I just be happy that I was able to put some rubbish in bags or should I be angry that I didn't do more ? I really want to do more . It's hard because the flies puts me off and I have no motivation .
The reason I started to clean a little is because my mum told me that my daughter wants to come and visit me soon. Well I can't let her visit while it's like this .
I hope I can do more today . I really hope I can . But I am overwhelmed by how much really still needs to be done . Sigh

I just washed up some dishes and left some some dishes to soak it hot water . I had to through some out because they were really bad m there is still so much Todo but I'm feeling proud of myself that I made a start . Omg there is really so much to do . It's overwhelming .
Everytime today that I manage to get some of it done I'm going to record it here so I can see that I actually achieved something and not to get angry with myself for not doing enough .
Baby steps .

One step at the time, you can do it...

Good for you for making a start. My apartment is in a similar boat, and I really need to clean it up, so I can rent out the spare room. I'm trying to tackle one thing each day.

splitimage

There are so many things I need to sort out in my life and the mess is just one of them . I'm trying to tackle one thing at a time and just focusing on the mess first . I'm sorry you are experiencing the same thing with your place where you live . It might seem like laziness to people who don't understand , but depression is so powerful it literally can stop you from doing anything . I hope we can both fight against this . I feel a little bit stronger today .

Well done - it may be 1 step, but that 1st one is the hardest.
And yes, overwhelmed does not equal laziness.

Awesome! This is a great start, very happy for you that you were able to do this.

——good job, but get those bags outside to get rid of the flies. It does sound like fruit flies. Can someone come over to help you? That would give you a big lift. When I feel bogged down, just talking about things lifts me up tremendously.

Good on you cryingontheinside, for summoning up the energy. Super well done. Yes, I'd say they're little fruit flies. They like any type of old vegetable matter and they'll go away when the rubbish is gone, don't worry. I'm proud of you as well!

((((cryingontheinside))))

Thanks for the support . I feel a bit stupid with this post but it's helping me in some way.

So I managed to find a bit of food that I have left and I managed to clean the pots and pans and most of the dishes and I was able to cook a nice meal.
I also washed the clothes I have been living in for ages and found something else I can wear for now .

I still have so much more to do and I feel like a failure that I didnt do more BUT yesterday I wasn't able to do anything at all nor the day before and for several days before that . TODAY was the first time in a long while that I was able to do at least something towards making my invironment around me better which will inturn help me feel me feel better .
I have a long way to go .
I'm still in a dark hole .
I still have lots to worry about .
But I did something today . Something positive for my well being .
I still didn't take out the bags of rubbish .
It's night time now so that will have to wait till tomorrow .
Hopefully I will achieve more than that tomorrow but even if it's only one thing it's better than yesterday and better than those other days before that .

Good job ((((crying))))

((((((( hugs )))))))

Good job and keep working at it. Slowly but surely you can tackle this. ❤️

Yay! So proud of you. Much love and hugs.

Well done. Try and relive that feeling of achievement every day and in a few months you will amaze yourself over how much you will have moved on

We're all rooting for you!