scattered thoughts.

It’s cold. Much to cold for me to feel well.

My body is numb, my head full of thoughts .. thoughts that I’m scared will be acted out because I can’t feel anything.

Its too quiet. All I can hear are the pangs of the white noise in my house, buzzing like a pest that I can’t force out of my mind. The TV downstairs is being occupied by my roommates… an old biography on music is faintly playing. It’s just cheap noise to me..

The dull yellow from my light shins in my room. I hate that yellow. It reminds me of a drab room filled with sickness. Filled with sorrow... with pain.

I can’t go anywhere in my house that will comfort me. It’s too occupied… except for here. In my room.

I need so badly to be comforted.

I feel like I’m living in some alternate reality where people don’t have any concerns of their own … but I intern feel the pain of everyone else on my shoulders. I don’t know what to do with this pain.

I want to wash it all down the drain … but I can’t. Dr’s appt is too soon. Can’t have fresh ones when I see her.

It’s so cold.

I’m so scared.

I’m so sorry… I’m no good to you anymore. But I don’t think I ever was in the first place.

i can hear you jacq... hang in there, ok? it's cold here too... we had our first snow today... kinda late but the weather changes quickly sometimes... here if you want someone to talk to... friendly hugs...

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jacq10 said:
I'm so sorry… I'm no good to you anymore.

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That's not your place, not your "job". You're supposed to be good to you.

Sorry you are in so much pain at the moment and not finding comfort anywhere. Hang around here a bit, play a few games (but watch that Pegasus person :-) and see if you can't create a little warm spot to sit with us.

{{{jacq10}}}

jac, as someone who knows all too well what you mean, I wish I had good advice. I don't. But what I do know is that I find comfort in the people here. Just knowing that there are others sitting in their rooms watching the snow fall with an expression of utter dispair is comforting. I guess maybe because I know the snow will fall either way and at least I can mourn the passing of fall with new friends who "get it".

This too shall pass.

Be safe.

Cyran0

Do something for yourself jacq10. Change the lightbulb, make it pink or purple. Something small just to change things a bit. It's the little things that get us through. Day by day. Something just big enough to hold onto. Make some hot chocolate, wrap up in a blanket, give yourself a hug. Its ok, you deserve it, you need it. Its ok to need comfort, and it's ok to spoil yourself a bit.

huggs

Thanks guys ...
Sorry my post was all over the place ... I was pretty upset earlier. I don't even know what to say ... i just really appreciate all your support. Its nice to know that i'm not the only one staring at the snow...
Hugs to you all

((((((((((((((( jacq )))))))))))))))