[Perna]

Has anyone dreamed they were depressed? I was last night and it was really unsettling (maybe because I'm not actually). I was really uncomfortable, dreaming I was depressed AND had a head cold! But I kept sort of waking up and feeling like I was getting sick or something and not being able to wake up all the way, etc. But I was getting anxious that I was getting sick. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and I didn't have to "argue" as much as I usually do to get out of there without more meds; maybe there is just some sort of struggle going on in my head about that; I'll have to think on that.

[Cyran0]

My dreams always throw me curve balls. But yes, my problems are frequently featured in my dreams. Usually not as a focus but more something like, I couldn't meet my childhood Sunday school teacher for her origami lesson because doctors felt they had to amputate my foot to help deal with my depression symptoms. How these weird combinations form in my subconscious, I have no idea. I tried sharing them with a new age dream interpreter lady and her head imploded. Well, not really, but I did become convinced that only I can figure out what these images really mean (and prevent forest fires. Only I can do that apparently).

I hope you're not really getting sick and if you're not really depressed, I wouldn't sweat the dreams.

Cyran0

[Perna]

Thanks, Cyran0. I love your image of the new age lady's head imploding; I did that to my T in the beginning when she asked me to "free associate"; within 3 statements we were both in the weeds and totally lost :-) We worked on keeping me to the point from then on, getting me to finish sentences, the "usual". My husband still has to occasionally declaim, "I don't hear any nouns!"

The only dreams nowadays that truly bother me are the "dreary" ones. Sometimes I dream I'm living a nothing life where nothing happens or can happen; kind of 1930s small town existance. There's absolutely no hope or anything to look forward to and all the furniture and surroundings are "shoddy". They're "gray" dreams or sepia with lots of "dust" in the roadways. Real hot, dog day afternoons in a small town with nothing else on the horizon, the little black fan does nothing, the town dogs are all "curs", etc. But there will be that trickle of fear in "me" that there's no getting out, that I'm trapped in the dream "world."

[nowheretorun]

hmmmm... no objects that give/recieve love? hear a lot of isolation... stuck in time... a depressive time... looking for hope? scanning the horison... hot... where's the sun?

[Perna]

I've only had two of those dreams before and the last one was 6 months to a year or more ago, thankfully :-)

Dreary but not depressing. It was more like I didn't "exist" but was just part of the scene. But it wasn't a "waiting" either because there was nothing there to wait for. That's what was so anxiety producing; the feeling in those dreams was more anxiety that nothing was going to change.

But I was struggling in last night's dream, trying to wake up but being too "sick" and trying to fight the depression like it was a "problem". I've been reading weird science fiction books. They have "destroyers" and "devourers" and the good guys are fighting against them; maybe that's where it all came from. That and my actually going to the doctor's yesterday and normally I have to "fight" him and feel like I have to convince him of my way of thinking about certain medical conditions/meds, etc. My asthma, when it's being a problem gets worse at night too and I think that was all mixed in there as I had to get up a couple times to use my inhaler on the way to/from the bathroom, etc. I think I was just a mess last night and echoed it in my dream :-) But I'd never literally dreamed I was depressed or had that be the "focus" of a dream like last night.

[nowheretorun]

is it night in the dream then? stuck in time but waking up and ill, IRL and dreams ... sounds reasonable they tie together... familiar things in ways... like carrying one thought all day, not processing fully, then it occurs in a dream ? to be processed?

the "room" (dream room)with the drab dated furniture embellishes the emotions you feel..

the exterior sounds similar to representative art... vast open spaces, dust(so there is at least a breeze), which could turn into a twister (supported by scientidic evidence) in this "room", which is your dream...

possibilities are endless... is there a cellar to the house, are you seeking shade? where is the water, if you are ill, you must hydrate...

doesn't sound like you, yourself, is frozen in time... you're able to move about... rising from the bed... towards... self-help... eh?

I dream about my past just about every night or some aspect of it...the dreams aren't so bad this week, I didn't go to therapy....I always dream of one of the houses I lived in, or my grandparents houses, which represents an aspect of myself....linked to a bad memory or even the abuse that happened there......I see them as terrifying at the time, but also a way of cleansing and getting rid of the rubbish I need to leave behind for good.

hugs Perna, Jinny xx

[Perna]

Nowhere, there are two different dreams you're trying to lump together :-) the depression dream of last night is just "feelings" and struggling both IRL and dreaming; kind of like a fever dream. I knew I was/felt depressed in the dream and was fighting against that and I'm not depressed IRL. It was confusing and scary for me; like having someone else tell you something about yourself that isn't true and you don't know how to "convince" them of it (doctor/patient relationship?)

The room/house with shoddy furniture, dust, and hopelessness, etc. are dreams I've had a couple times in the past, unrelated to the depression one. Sorry I confused you!

[nowheretorun]

thought that might happen.... fun trying though

[Perna]

Yes, and the combination was interesting and had me thinking, trying to describe the differences, etc. Thanks.

[nowheretorun]

sorry 'bout that... i do tend to get confused... but cool ... interesting thread Perna!

I'll get my coat then lmao.......

[nowheretorun]

so is this the focus then?:

""It was confusing and scary for me; like having someone else tell you something about yourself that isn't true and you don't know how to "convince" them of it""

like an alcoholic trying to convince the intervention team he's fine?

[SeptemberMorn]

I get the feeling of being trapped... but then maybe because your dream feels like a recurring nightmare I have. (In fact, there's a poem in CC called that and written by me.)

I can never find the door to a building when I have that nightmare.

Feelings of being trapped, moving and not getting anywhere, anxiety, hopelessness.

[nowheretorun]

hi Tomi... i did a search for the poen you mentioned.. a lof "trapped" references but nothing you authored.. are you sure of the title? (went back 5 years)

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
I'll get my coat then lmao.......

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Where do you think you're going, jinny, to one of your dream houses? Do you think that will keep the rain out? LOL

no, usually causes thunderstorms but I am not letting them right now ,,,,just felt my post was ignored...british thing....standing joke when you feel you're ignored

[Perna]

Yes, I know the British humor/standing joke thing; that's why I replied to YOU alone! LOL I think I did overlook you, sorry! Thanks for the hugs. Back at ya! (really crummy yankee saying)

[SeptemberMorn]

It was still there. But I brought it here to make it easy for you.

Recurring Nightmare
© Tomi Inglis
4/27/02

Walking through the door of broken dreams,
I wander through familiar, lovely rooms.
Various are decorated Gothic style,
many others in Contemporary,
yet the last wing was opulent, eclectic.

Weariness is heavy, overcomes me,
searching for the door from which I entered.
It seems my way was lost long before
leaving foyer and entering the corridor.
Wasn’t it carpeted before, or broken planks bare then?

Climbing staircases that go down, I struggle
in search of loved, familiar faces.
This music hall wasn’t here before!
John smiling, waving from distant balcony.
Should I jump or keep searching for the door?

In quest of absent terrace entrance,
Bounding down staircases that go up,
In a university strangely familiar
Yet, never having heard its name before,
Karla stomps a scolding foot,
"Aren’t you aware we’re late, or do you care?"

Anguish and frustration cripple me.
What I want is to leave, exit once and all
This eternal tangle of disconnected rooms.
Where is the hallway that logic orders?
No passage, just room upon room.
Familiar fades, chamber becomes another.
If I could find the passage, I know I’d find the door!

Elusive elevators that only go one floor,
Just deplaned one and now it's gone!
Clowns, mannequins leering at me, lead
Through garish china shops, vogue garment stores.
John's children play, one baby caring for the other,
But where is he? ... and Karla won’t forgive me.

Is this still the seventh mezzanine?
Room within a tunnel but waiting for a passageway.
Jeering mannequins befriend me,
"Follow me and I shall lead you to the exit."
It’s closing time, but I’ve yet to find the door!

[nowheretorun]

oh... i researched "trapped"

[Perna]

I researched "recurring nightmare" and didn't find it either, nowhere, so don't feel bad :-)

That sounds like a scary, frustrating dream SeptMorn. When I dream of houses it's more like treasure hunts and there's something to "find"/understand in the house. My dreary landscape houses were backdrops (I'd look out their screened window) and the single bedroom I was in, my focus was narrowed to just that room and those things, didn't get to wander around.

The depression dream though was like something constantly telling me I was depressed, not quite like an alcoholic trying to tell the authorities he's not; that has ways of testing whereas feeling states don't. I remember when I was in 7th grade science and we were talking about power of suggestion and a kid was late coming into class and the teacher said to the rest of us, "watch this" and then when the kid came in, accepted him okay but expressed concern he looked like he didn't feel very well? Kept asking the kid if he was all right :-) and, sure enough, the kid ended up being excused to go to the school nurse. It was kind of that "unconscious" struggle with something "telling" me I was depressed and trying to fight that.

[nowheretorun]

yeah, alright... jeez i'm dense sometimes ... interesting thread Perna having a hard time keeping my turn...

what i get from that is being the "out-numbered" ... no where to run ... praying the torment/suffering/depression to end, but powerless... but are you?

Are you Tomi? JinnyAnn?

perhaps you are attempting to paint the portait of your dream and i am interfering by trying to diagnose... i have no credits... but its interesting...

[Perna]

I'm not depressed :-) I had GAD (Get GAD, you'll be glad you did!) so I just thought it weird I dreamed I was "being accused" of being depressed and had no "defense" against the accusations? Maybe I doth protest too much.

Last night I dreamed of my therapist (we terminated so we both could retire, end of June 2005) and trying to figure out a way to "finish" college, didn't have enough money or something. I just graduated with my second bachelors in May and started grad school which I've scrapped recently but I only had 1 of 15 courses I needed for that degree so that doesn't sound likely. But, part of why I scrapped it was to buy a second car instead; traded the one $15,000, 3-year goal for the other. But I was rearranging schedules and finances and just trying to make it "work" like a jigsaw puzzle and my therapist was giving me "The" look, like what I was doing was out-of-line or not what I was supposed to be doing or give-it-up or whatever "the" look actually meant LOL.

[nowheretorun]

Perna... i don't believe in laughing... its a long story... but you got me...

"The" Look.... jeez i'd like to read a book about that one someday...



dont know a thing about GAD ... but im glad it rhymes with Glad... keep smilin'

[wickedwings]

the dreams i get have buildings and houses that are in a state of decay, or falling apart. all around me, they are falling apart. i would think of repairing my home, but it would take so much money to do that. and my dream goes on with more decay. a world of decay.