Somewhere out there a heart beats slow
lonely and cold, wanting to go.
Yes again it's me I'm bad
Always crying, always sad.....
A heavy hand lays in my chest
my heart left...it knew best.
A rock so solid lays there instead
that downward feeling of utter dread.
Tears that fell have run quite dry
gut wrenching sobs only Kerry knows why.
Sometimes I wonder what purpose is living
after all the hurt that people are giving....
Too much stress, too much pain
I just want to find oblivion again.
If I was on heroin it would be so easy
just that extra amount so so sleazy
to go that way, but no bad pain
just go to sleep, never wake again.
But I'm a coward at heart, cant even die
to leave them behind but why?
This post is so cruel I know, but hey
that's how I feel at the end of this day...
Depression speaks louder than courage I know
but how I wish I could lie down and go.
This is not a sympathy line
Just cant take no more, nothing is fine.
Delete if you want, I'm breaking the rules
I know you dont want to suffer this fool....
What am I doing here anyway
when I have nothing supportive to say....
Waste of time, waste of space
Friends I once loved have abandoned this place.
I feel isolated and very alone
cant even be bothered to answer my phone.
This room is full of Christmas now
I've always loved Christmas, but dreading and how!!!
Pit of my stomach is filled with lead
thoughts of self loathing are rife in my head.
Trusting is gone, not much anyway
Fear is lurking with each passing day.
I just cant think straight.
I just cant function.
I just feel guilt
about every minute, tiny little thing I do, say, think.

Will my heart come back to me, maybe
will my head stop aching, maybe
can I take my own advice, no
I'm sorry I am so weak, I do try so hard.
but I even failed at that.

I fail at everything I touch

mother, daughte, wife, person, victim, life. My heart is truly broken into a thousand pieces because I failed all my life.....

who am I what have I become.....a monster, a breathing loser.

pathetic

[nowheretorun]

you know i'm here... just didnt want you feeling alone, thats all... ((((((((Jinny)))))))

sorry i cant be an old friend, but im still willing to be a new one...

you will always be my friend, and one I love dearly. You are a great guy and very supportive.

J, K, xxxx ty

[tsha]

(Jin) I'm sorry I haven't been around enough. But I am always available if you need me.

Again, your thoughts and feelings are so similar to my own. My Ts (all 3 of them) asked me awhile ago to keep a picture of me as a little girl in my journal. I take it out to look at it. The other day I told her I was in awe of her strength. When I told one of my Ts about this she had me say it in the first person. It didn't feel right; I am not that little girl - I am not as strong as that little girl.

But over the past few days I am beginning to realize that I am that little girl and I had/have that strength.

Remember, you got through the worst part. Its still hard now and I am in awe of your strength to continue on and pursue the future you.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time (Lincoln). Take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time. And always remember to breathe.

[mrsmoggles]

((((((((((((((((((((((jinnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy))))))))))))))))))))
so beautiful and true to me!! thank you for sharing. you arent alone and please, bend my ear, my eyes, my heart and soul anytime...pm me if you must and if you like, or need, email me. mrsmoggles@gmail.com, ok??? I dont work so i am on and off all the time...and these days i am going to bed later and later...take care, and know someone(s) know and care...we are here to lend support when you cant yourself.

thankyou so much mrs moggles.....I really appreciate that and tsha too...hope you found your poem ok I e.mailed it to you....

love, Jin xxxx

have CPN coming today...end of my cognitive behavioural therapy after 12 sessions hahahahha like 12 sessions after a childhood full of abuse will help.... still, I still have my t.

that's the UK for you.....feeling better today

xoxoxoxoxoxo