About me ............VERY TRIGGERING PLEASE DONT READ IT NOT IN GOOD PLACE

im really not in a good place at this moment-

i need to vent though:

***********Triggering********* dont read if you dont want to i just need to get it out today

Nothing i do or say or write is ever good enough, i always %#@&#! things up and ive done it my whole life - i was never aloud to laugh as a kid cuz i always laughed at the wrong time. nobody paid any attention to me as a kid i had to do things for myself i had to grow up and be an adult from an early age and take care of my siblings i had to do it or else. i went to my uncles for a weekend and myself and his daughter were in his bed with our nightgowns on and and he came in and kissed us and told his daughter to get in her own bed so she did- he got in bed with me and started touching me- he said he was loving on me- and to keep my mouth shut and not tell anyone it was our secret he touched me in places dirty places he hurt me i just laid there with his hand over my mouth as he did bad bad things to me, after he was done which seemed to last forever he got up and left i called my mom and told her i wanted to come home she said you need to stay with your uncle he really wants you and your cousin to spend some time together- i was crying on the inside i wanted my mom to come get me and she didnt and i hate her for it- she made me stay and he did it again the next night and i tried to get him off of me but he told me he was the adult and i was the child and i better listen to him or else. he hurt me bad i felt so dirty i never told anyone because he said i was bad and that i was being punished for not loving on him and everytime i saw him after that he would give me this look i still see it today and he did it a few times after that when my mom would say you are going to your uncles i would cry and she said you are going pack your things no if ands or butts- and i knew he was going to do it again as i got older i would bite him and try to hurt him but he would just hurt me worse- im sorry i wrote this but i have to get it out there i hope i didnt trigger you i need to get it out

I HATE MY MOM AND I HATE WHAT HE DID TO ME AND IM SO ANGRY AND I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO OR SAY .....i have more to say but i can not talk about it right now it hurts too much
im sorry if i triggered anyone

((((((purplebutterfly))))))|
I am so sorry you had to go threw that.
do not be sorry you wrote it
you needed to
i am sorry you hurt
i am glad you were able to write it
my thoughts are with you
muffy

((((((((((((purple))))))))))))

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope you realize by now this was NOT your fault? You were the CHILD, he was the ADULT. I'm sorry you're Mom never realized anything was going on either.

I'm sorry i can't say anything more other than ...

peace, love, hugs and care to you,
roz
xx

((((((((purplebutterfly))))))))

I am so sorry that happened to you.

Don't be sorry, none of it was or is your fault, and if you needed to let that out, then this is the place for you to do it.

((((((((((((((( purplebutterflly ))))))))))))))))))))))

How brave of you to get this painful experience written out and posted. You took a huge step by speaking of what happened to you. All the anger and pain you are feeling is a normal thing to go through when you've been taken advantage of like you were.

No one here looks down on you because of what was done to you. No one here thinks less of you because of it either. We have a huge respect for you because you are a woman who was hurt badly and who is struggling to come through all the pain and feelings that are going through you right now.

If you can find a way to take yourself out of this equation and look at the scenarios from the aspect of it happening to someone else, would you think that the child was to blame for what happened to her? Would you think that the uncle was to blame for forcing himself on a child??? If so, then I hope you can also find it within yourself to now accept that control was taken away from you. As a child you did the best you could do. Now, as an adult, you are left to suffer with the consequences, but hon....it is NOT a life sentence. I do so hope you are in or can get into therapy. It will help you come to terms with so many things and you can then begin to put yourself back together again.

So many folks here care about you. We send you understanding and hope and hugs.


sabby

you're a very strong person to let this out. thanks for sharing. im sorry you went throught those horrible nights. No one deserves that and its never justified. I hope that in time you can forgive your mom. Please be safe. Remember we care here at PC and you can tell us anything. We'll listen with an open heart.

*hugs and love*

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_sabby_ said:
((((((((((((((( purplebutterflly ))))))))))))))))))))))

How brave of you to get this painful experience written out and posted. You took a huge step by speaking of what happened to you. All the anger and pain you are feeling is a normal thing to go through when you've been taken advantage of like you were.

No one here looks down on you because of what was done to you. No one here thinks less of you because of it either. We have a huge respect for you because you are a woman who was hurt badly and who is struggling to come through all the pain and feelings that are going through you right now.

If you can find a way to take yourself out of this equation and look at the scenarios from the aspect of it happening to someone else, would you think that the child was to blame for what happened to her? Would you think that the uncle was to blame for forcing himself on a child??? If so, then I hope you can also find it within yourself to now accept that control was taken away from you. As a child you did the best you could do. Now, as an adult, you are left to suffer with the consequences, but hon....it is NOT a life sentence. I do so hope you are in or can get into therapy. It will help you come to terms with so many things and you can then begin to put yourself back together again.

So many folks here care about you. We send you understanding and hope and hugs.


sabby

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thanks for everyones responses
i am going to go see my t today and he has mentioned i need to be hospitalized so im going to go so i will be gone for a few days. i need this right now, in order to be safe right now.

((((((((((((purple))))))))))))

if this is what you need to do to be safe then please do.

we will still all be here thinking about you and awaiting your safe return.

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purplebutterfly said:

thanks for everyones responses
i am going to go see my t today and he has mentioned i need to be hospitalized so im going to go so i will be gone for a few days. i need this right now, in order to be safe right now.

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(purple))))))))))))))))))))))))
you will be in my thoughts and prayers
stay safe
muffy

stay safe and hopeful my friend. be open to their help and start feeling better. we'll be waiting to give a big ol hug when you get back!

((((((((((((((((( purplebutterfly ))))))))))))))))))))

Safety is exactly the name of the game dear one. Good for you for doing self care..... I will be sending you all kinds of healing thoughts and keeping you in my prayers.


sabby

Purple, I am so proud of you for taking this step and letting this out so that you can begin to heal. You took control and are trying to help yourself now. Good work...... I am so sorry that you had to suffer that...